DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been having a discussion with my sister-in-law, who stated that it is not correct anymore to say thank you, either in writing or verbally, for receiving a gift, and I should not expect it. The gifts in question are given from us via my sister-in-law to her daughter and their family.

I say yes, she says no, and to stop expecting this simple courtesy. Please let me know.

GENTLE READER: When gratitude is no longer required in response to generosity, Miss Manners will be sure to let you know. But you might warn your sister-in-law and her family that this could happen only with the simultaneous death of generosity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been seeing a gorgeous woman for about two weeks. I have arranged to have a single red rose in a bud vase and chocolates delivered to her for her birthday.

I know she will call or text me to say thank you. Without wanting to sound too clingy or silly, how should I acknowledge her thank-you? We both agree to be patient and allow our relationship to grow. So???????

GENTLE READER: Thanks do not require acknowledgment by the giver.

Miss Manners realizes this is not what you want to hear, since you are hoping to be invited to share the chocolates, presumably before they melt. If you cannot rein in your emotions to this extent, she would settle for you reining in your punctuation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In recent years, as people use the telephone increasingly less, I find that most of my plans with friends are made via email, text message and even social media wall posts.

I would not have a problem with this if these so-called friends actually kept our engagements. In this last week alone, I have found myself cyber- (and text-) stalking three friends to confirm plans we have made. And more often than not, these attempts are not responded to -- even when the other person extended the invitation to begin with.

I find myself spending a lot of weekends alone when the Monday before I might have had two or three social plans. Is it me, is it my "friends," or is it the new tech- and self-obsessed American culture? Am I being shunned for a more attractive plan?

GENTLE READER: In another sense, you are not alone.

While the sanctity of an invitation proffered and accepted has been under attack for some time, the advent of the text and email invitation accelerated the process. The ephemeral nature of such invitations make them hard to take seriously.

Miss Manners would like to believe that handwritten invitations would solve your problem, but you may need to change not only the method of delivery, but also the correspondents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend insists on talking to her phone using a voice-to-text application. She does this to send text messages or to answer social media posts, insisting that it is much easier than typing a text message.

My perspective is that it is fine to do that, but very rude to do it in the presence of others. The whole point of texting is to do it discreetly and quietly. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Being seen or heard to be texting is equally rude when in the presence of live people. Miss Manners notes, however, that your girlfriend's method has the advantage of providing entertainment to those present when her phone repeats back its garbled interpretation of her message.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have pet rats. They are trained domestic rats that bear little resemblance to the kind that live in subways.

The rats live in a cage, but I will sometimes take one out and put it on my shoulder while I do whatever needs to be done in the house (as is recommended by rat-care experts). If the doorbell rings when I am not expecting anyone and I happen to have a rat on my shoulder, is it all right for me to answer the door with the rat still on my shoulder, or must I take the time to put that rat back in its cage and secure the cage, running the risk that during that time the person at the door will assume I'm not home and leave?

The rats never jump off my shoulder and do not bite, so there is no risk that any harm will come to the person on the other side of the door; but I do know that some people have an irrational dislike of rodents, so I don't know if that possibility is something I need to accommodate.

GENTLE READER: Surprise!

They surprise you; you surprise them.

This is not a principle that Miss Manners would apply to anyone who keeps a pet hyena or an ill-behaved rat. You do have a duty to protect others from danger, as well as from unwanted attentions from animals, dangerous or not.

In addition, it is thoughtful to extend this to allow for the possibility of the mere sight of your pet being upsetting. But that applies to people who enter your house by invitation or appointment. Those who lack the courtesy to call ahead cannot reasonably expect you to anticipate and cater to a mere prejudice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've noticed that sometimes a gift is unwanted by a friend or family member, and instead of just giving it away, they return it to me.

They always make a point of noting that they need to be honest about not planning on using the gift and so are choosing to return it to me. I do feel hurt that what I chose for someone was incorrect.

I, on the other hand, never would do this to anyone. I've received many gifts that were not to my taste, but I just say thank you and either keep or donate. It's the thought that counts, right? Is it more important to be honest or to not hurt anyone's feelings?

GENTLE READER: It is appalling how often these mean the same thing. Miss Manners has noticed that when someone declares an intention to be honest, nastiness is bound to follow.

Two things seemed to have escaped such people:

Dishonesty is not the only alternative to honesty. There is also the highly underrated virtue of shutting up.

When someone prefaces a statement with the declaration of being honest, the implication is that honesty does not characterize that person's other statements.

All that needs to be said about a present that does not please is a hearty thanks. To return it is an insult, as well as an additional burden on the giver to dispose of it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had four children about five years apart, lots of gifts under the tree, and a very calm, enjoyable, fun-filled Christmas morning. It was a family time. Dad gave someone a gift. It was opened, admired by all, thanked, and a hug and a kiss if it was from one of the family present, and an easy jotting down if there was a need to write a thank-you.

Then we'd stop, have breakfast, go to church, have lunch, take a walk, or just break to enjoy what we had received. It was fun to watch that perhaps one child (or each in turn) was more excited about giving the gift they had purchased or made to one of the siblings or parents. And that child got to present the gift to the sibling. Some Christmases it took us all day to open the gifts or even into the next day. As the older children began to read and write, they often wanted to be the note keeper.

I have always been thankful for the way we handled Christmas morning. Speak of teaching patience! The joy of giving. Concern for others. Sharing. I could go on and on.

GENTLE READER: Like a sack of coal, Miss Manners' annual holiday mailbag is filled with accounts of greed, strife and ingratitude. She is immensely grateful to have found this gem among them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three weeks ago, Sue, a high school classmate, informed me that a third classmate, Kelly, was throwing a party for our class, as well as for a few classes preceding and following ours. Kelly asked Sue to help get the word out. Anyway, I eagerly accepted the invitation from Sue to Kelly's party.

A few days later, I had second thoughts and called Sue and said I really didn't want to go. She asked why, and I told her, honestly, that none of my close friends from those days were going, and I didn't feel like making small talk with classmates I essentially never see.

She informed me she had already told Kelly that I was coming and that Kelly was excited I was coming. (We were only casual friends in high school.) I asked Sue to please tell Kelly I said hello, and she said she would.

I am concerned that I may have hurt Kelly's feelings, especially since Sue likely relayed my reneging verbatim. Should I send Kelly some kind of apology? Should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

GENTLE READER: Is everyone in this situation still in high school?

Miss Manners is certain that your letter indicates not, but all parties are assuredly acting as if they are.

Yes, it is rude to decline an invitation saying that you do not feel like making small talk (Miss Manners hates to inform you that is the very definition of a party). It is also rude to issue an invitation through a third party.

You could set an example of maturity by talking to them both directly. Tell Sue that you regret having declined the invitation on silly grounds, and Kelly that you are sorry that you missed her party and hope that she will forgive you about any misunderstandings resulting from the indirect communication.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)