DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece (23 years old) regularly texts during movies. When I was at a movie with her and my partner, I asked her not to text during the movie because it would upset my partner. She said OK and did not text.

My niece later told us that her boyfriend suspected her of cheating on him because she said she was at the movie with her "aunt" but wasn't texting.

In having this discussion, my partner said texting in a theater is rude, period, and went on about it. In my opinion, it is rude to call someone rude to their face. Do you think my partner was rude by calling my niece rude?

GENTLE READER: Yes, and doubly so since your niece did not, at your request, text during the movie you attended together. Miss Manners notes that you, your partner, your niece and your niece's boyfriend are all in agreement that there are some activities that should not be interrupted by texting. We are simply disagreeing over what those are.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have friends who got engaged about a month ago. They refer to each other as fiancee and fiance, even though I clearly know they are engaged. They don't use their names even to close friends since their engagement.

I would understand if they were a young couple or on first marriages, but this is her third and his second marriage and they are in their 50s. It's just kind of annoying. I am happy for them, but I am wondering if this is a common or accepted practice.

GENTLE READER: As you are already happy for your friends, what would you have them do to make you even happier? Refrain from reveling in their new tie, on the grounds that they are too old or maritally experienced?

Of course there is reveling and reveling. It would be understandable to be annoyed by a couple who behaved in your presence as if they were alone. But to object to their use of the correct formal terms strikes Miss Manners as churlish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a close friend die unexpectedly and my daughter sent me a text to notify me. I was upset at the news and with the way it was delivered.

I told my daughter this, but she said that is how her generation does things.

GENTLE READER: It may be, but your concern is with what your daughter should have done, not with what her contemporaries are doing.

News of the death of someone dear to you should not be delivered casually, which is more easily accomplished in some technologies than in others. Assuming that your daughter knew you could be reached more quickly through a text -- and that you would want to hear the news as soon as possible -- Miss Manners would still have advised her to text you that she has urgent news, asking you to call.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a "black tie gala event" to be held by a federal government agency.

I had previously received a "save the date" notice, which I shared with my wife. We both thought she would be invited, but unfortunately, I just found out from the event coordinator that she is not invited because of "limited seating" and the apparent need to invite interested members of Congress.

Indeed, the invitation simply says "you." I know that proper etiquette would be to include the spouse in a wedding invitation. Does that also apply to a "black tie gala event"? Or is our hurt at this perceived slight unjustified?

GENTLE READER: It is a shock to Miss Manners' patriotic heart to hear that the federal government is categorizing people as first- and second-class citizens. You may well believe that members of Congress were not asked to attend a "gala" without spouses, partners or acquaintances.

But perhaps this was a lesser transgression. You neglected to tell Miss Manners whether you work for that agency.

In that case, you should not have been sent an invitation, as if you were to be there as a guest. Rather, you should have been asked if you were willing to work that evening, answering questions, touting the agency's mission, explaining where the bathrooms were. You would be dressed as a guest, but under no illusion that you were being offered hospitality, and you wife would not be included unless she, too, worked for the agency.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My Thanksgiving was ruined by people that my brother allowed in his house.

I told his girlfriend not to bring or cook a turkey, as I had one already there.

I was cooking said bird when she and two others arrived, already stewed to the gills. They took out my bird and threw it over the backyard fence.

I knew their bird was rancid, as I have been trained as a chef. I told my bro not to eat it. He ate it and was very sick for four days.

I ate one bite and wrapped what was left in my napkin. I proceeded to the nearest hospital, where I work, and had it tested. Salmonella, big time.

Do you think it was rude of me to do so? I warned her about her bird. She nearly killed my bro. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: (1) Check on the neighbors. Even on Thanksgiving, they cannot have expected delivery of an airborne fowl.

(2) Make other plans for Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long should one wait in anticipation of a wedding and/or baby shower gift? Should you mention in passing that you have not received one yet?

GENTLE READER: Before you put a collection agency to work on them?

It does not seem to have occurred to you that giving presents is a voluntary act. Miss Manners recommends concentrating your attention on enjoying your marriage or baby, rather than on using them for material advantage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a church supper, I clearly heard an acquaintance say that all suicide is because of self-pity.

Not only am I a mental health professional, but I have a personal history of suicidal feelings of my own. This woman's remark was cruel and downright evil.

Of course, I couldn't say anything in that setting, and she was also sitting directly across a large, full table from me. So although I ended up saying nothing, and that was several months ago, it still bothers me.

Should I still respond in some way? If so, how? I'm sure she didn't know I overheard the remark. I'm sure that, by now, she has forgotten she said it.

Is there anything I can do to advocate for people who are hurting from depression, or should I just chalk it up to ignorance and forget it?

GENTLE READER: There is not much you can do about it now, since the comment was made months ago and not addressed to you. If something similar happens to you, Miss Manners suggests quietly saying, "I assume you've been fortunate enough not to encounter this situation."

Leave it at that. There are more effective ways to channel your desire to be an advocate than embarrassing individuals, which rarely works.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who pays for premarital counseling? The future bride or the groom?

GENTLE READER: If they can't figure that out on their own, Miss Manners will offer them some free counseling: Don't get married.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several months ago, two co-workers and I started a monthly tradition of "girls lunch" out of the office. At the time, we didn't know each other very well, and it became apparent almost immediately that one of the co-workers was going to be a problem.

She is rude and demanding to the wait staff and always sends her meals back. At our last lunch, she actually banged her fists on the table while screaming at the waitress. By the time we paid our separate bills, the poor waitress was holding back tears. She is a lousy tipper to boot, and I always overtip to compensate for her stinginess.

Needless to say, the two of us want nothing to do with any future lunches out with this co-worker. The problem is that we still need to retain a cordial work relationship with her. How do we diplomatically tell her that from now on our lunch trio is only a duo?

GENTLE READER: Make it a duo dinner.

Not only is there no diplomatic way to tell her that you are firing her from lunch, but there is no way to escape being seen by her if you go off to lunch together.

Miss Manners notes that you can, however, suspend the regular lunches and resort to meeting on the side, on your own time, as others do who have even stronger reasons not to be observed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)