DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taken aback by my elders' reactions to an anecdote about an encounter with a strange man who accosted me in a public place.

I have suddenly found myself to be a young lady, gradually achieving independence in the world, and, I am told, quite attractive. I have been approached by strangers with increasing frequency in the past few years, and as I am usually by myself and on foot, I have made it my policy that a brief exchange of polite conversation is acceptable, but as soon as a stranger calls me beautiful or makes a similar remark about my biology, the talk is over, and I quickly continue my prior business.

This was the end of my story that I related to my parents and my grandmother. My father was, overall, approving that I do not tolerate strange men and amused that I had walked away. This did not surprise me. My mother, on the other hand, suggested that I behave more like my sister, who, armed with a quick tongue and rapier wit, frequently enjoys making sport of her admirers.

My grandmother further shocked me when she said that I was behaving poorly and missing some wonderful opportunities to make friends and connections in the world, and that she frequently stops to have an exchange with strange men who call her lovely.

Miss Manners, I am loath to make contact with lewd young men. If approached as a lady with, perhaps, a comment on our environment, a compliment on an unusual possession or a question for directions, I may be inclined to continue with polite conversation. If a young man cannot think to talk about anything but my physiology, he must have mistaken me for a different kind of woman, and not a young lady who strives to remain respectable.

Were you to inform me that my ways are unduly harsh, I should endeavor to bear such attentions, although I had to this point believed that my behavior would be sanctioned by polite company.

GENTLE READER: Really? Your mother wants you to engage in banter with lewd strangers, and your grandmother believes that encouraging them would enrich your social life?

So much for the wisdom of your elders. When you were little, did they advise you to be friendly to strangers who offered you candy or rides in their cars?

Do they imagine that the remarks you describe are made by gentlemen who hope that they will lead to the discovery that you share an interest in history or art or gardening, and that a friendship or romance might then develop?

Miss Manners can only hope that your mother and grandmother speak from naivete, and be grateful that you have the good sense not to listen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to attend a birthday celebration for a elderly friend of mine requesting "Lots of presents and gifts are most certainly demanded!" My friends and I would like to know if you think this is a proper way to send out invitations.

GENTLE READER: Now here is someone who keeps up with current trends in rudeness. Was the invitation written in letters cut out from magazines and accompanied by a threat?

If so, you might want to involve the police. If not, it would be generous enough to respond, declining the honor, as if it were a real invitation and not an unseemly demand.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I returned a phone call from a cousin, he asked why it had taken nearly two weeks for me to do so. I told him I wanted to be sure he'd receive my undivided attention when returning his call, and that was the reason for the delay.

Actually, it was not. He (and an increasing number of other people) only call me back when they are "stuck" with nothing better to do. I get calls from friends and family as they sit in traffic, wait in line, have a few minutes before they go in to see the dentist, etc. And worse yet, they tell me this!

To be informed that "Cousin Billy" only has a couple of minutes to talk because there are just two cars ahead of him at the drive-through does not make me feel special.

We are constantly interrupted during such chats by their children, traffic noises, other customers in line, and any number of things that distract them from the minimal amount of attention I'm already receiving. I'm constantly asked to "hold on a sec" while they place beverage orders, ask a question of the meat counter attendant, etc.

These half conversations make it almost seem like calling me back is a chore to be done in conjunction with other errands to lessen the pain. It's doubly annoying because when I initiate a call or receive one from them, off goes the TV and any other distractions; they receive my undivided attention.

I mentioned this to a co-worker who thought I was just being too sensitive, but I don't see it that way. I'm sure no malice or insult is intended, but in my opinion, it's absolutely thoughtless and rude.

What are your thoughts, Miss Manners? Oh, hang on a sec; the microwave's timer is beeping.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Miss Manners is in total agreement with your handling of the situation.

That you don't want to reciprocate thoughtless behavior is hardly oversensitive or blameworthy. You should continue to call when it is convenient for you, and not to pick up when it isn't. If you are further reprimanded by your callers, recommend that they text-message you any essential information instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a small-framed female in my mid-30s, working as a professor at a university. Both staff and students sometimes make comments suggesting that I look more like a student than a professor.

I dress professionally, but I still have a "young face." My usual response is along the lines of "Thank you! But I just pulled out many gray hairs this morning." Is there a more dignified response?

GENTLE READER: A weak smile alone would be sufficient. No jokes or excuses are necessary unless you yourself find it amusing.

In this youth-obsessed culture, you must assume that these comments are intended as compliments. In the meantime, Miss Manners assures you that the fact that you hold academic power should be proof enough that you are old enough to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you think it's tacky to have magazines in the guest bathroom? These would be decorator magazines.

GENTLE READER: The subject of the magazine is hardly the point -- although that is not to suggest that context does not make some print offerings more alarming than others. Miss Manners is thinking of a friend who included her pre-med anatomy text on her shelf of cookbooks to see if anyone was paying attention.

Beyond that, she has no objection to bathroom reading material, even though she is too polite to inquire about anything that goes on behind the bathroom door. If pressed, she will admit only to a lack of sufficient space to shelve all her reading material in the library.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer for, and contribute to, a local charity. At an appreciation luncheon for 20 volunteers at a local restaurant, five volunteers sat at each table, along with a representative of the charity.

As soon as the representative for my table sat down, one of the other women announced that the charity shouldn't spend money buying her lunch and handed the representative $20. The woman next to me, whom I don't know well, immediately reached into her purse and pulled out $20. She turned expectantly to me.

I told her, truthfully, that I had only $3. She laughed, pulled out a $10, and gave the rep $30. I said thank you.

Of course I'll pay her back, but was this correct behavior? No one else from our table gave the rep any money, and a friend of mine at another table said no one at her table gave anything. Were we obligated to offer to pay? Should the rep have accepted the money?

GENTLE READER: As it is the business of charities to collect donations, Miss Manners understands why the representative failed to decline the contribution. And as it is virtuous to contribute to charity, she understands that the volunteer felt she was being generous.

But between them, they managed to undermine the purpose of the occasion and to cause embarrassment to innocent people.

When the appreciation luncheon was proposed, the lady could have spoken out, as a participant in the charity, suggesting that while the gesture was appreciated, perhaps all volunteers would like to pay their own way. Or she could have declined the invitation for herself. Or she could have quietly increased her donation.

What she did instead was to make a show of denying the hosts their generosity and bullying others into doing the same. That is not what Miss Manners would consider a charitable attitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 58-year-old woman. How do I respond when I am addressed as "sweetie"? I'm sure the speaker is intending to be pleasant, but it sets my teeth on edge. Is there a proper response?

GENTLE READER: "Really? Were we sweethearts? Isn't it funny that I don't remember?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)