DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an email from one of our board chairs sent to "Peeps." My boss, who thinks he is "in the know," thought that was an OK salutation. I said I would never answer one that started off like a 12-year-old trying to be cool. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That when adults use children's slang to "relate," they are themselves the only ones being fooled.

Using it in a professional setting is even less likely to be successful. Miss Manners proposes that you suggest to your board chair that he should tread carefully, as those with differences in age, race, education, income and cultural background may find such familiarity offensive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite to eat a baked potato with your hands?

GENTLE READER: Yeow!

Not only is it impolite, but Miss Manners considers it unwise. The screams when you burn your hands are bound to annoy others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I retired after 37 years in the same job. It is customary where I worked to have a catered party for the retiree, which means speeches, cards and a gift.

I am uncomfortable with being the center of attention, so I told my boss that I would be happy with the five folks in my office going out for drinks and a light dinner after work one day. I suggested a restaurant.

As it turned out, my boss came to my desk and said they were taking me to lunch. We walked to a different restaurant, and he bought lunch for the five of us. Lunch consisted of my boss talking about himself.

My feelings were a bit hurt when I received neither a card from my boss/co-workers, nor a small gift.

My co-worker of 15 years is retiring, and they are giving her a party. I like her and have enjoyed working with her, but it will be difficult for me to attend. I will feel awkward. I don't know what the other folks in my organization were told about the lack of a party at my retirement, and it has felt uncomfortable to me.

How do I gracefully handle this upcoming retirement of my co-worker? Can I not attend? Can I wish her well with a card and a gift and be absent at her party?

GENTLE READER: Well, you got your wish about not being the center of attention. But after 37 years, it would have been right for you to be at least the topic of conversation at the ceremonial acknowledgment of your retirement, whatever form it took. It is unfortunate that when you asked for something different, your boss interpreted your request to suit himself.

That said, Miss Manners does not approve either the manners or the sentiment of expressing your dissatisfaction at the expense of a co-worker. It would be gracious of you to attend and tell everyone how lovely the party was.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been going through a rough divorce for over a year now and have met a wonderful man who wants to get engaged. My husband is trying to hold out in settling the divorce as long as he can for his own financial reasons.

Is it unethical for me to get engaged while still going through this divorce, when he has moved on with another woman, and I am not dating someone?

GENTLE READER: You're not? And here Miss Manners would have thought that was a necessary prelude to becoming engaged.

Perhaps you anticipate being in marital limbo for some time, during which you hope to resettle yourself. Or perhaps you are dating, but are being discreet about it. Then again, maybe you just meant "now" when you typed "not."

The likelihood is that you have agreed to marry the wonderful gentleman, so what is in question is whether you can go public with the engagement.

Discretion is not a favorite virtue of the selfie generation, even among those who have heard of the concept. But, then, indiscretion is hardly new. In a 1911 short story, "Autres Temps," dear Edith Wharton refers to a character whose husband found out that she meant to divorce him when he saw her wearing a new engagement ring.

For a married lady to declare herself engaged was in bad taste then, and it is in bad taste now.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our club hosted an equestrian event, we didn't have enough club members to help out, so I asked two non-member friends to give us a hand with the event. They did. Hard work, hot day.

I wanted to get a gift card for those "volunteers," but the club thinks this is stupid. What is the etiquette to give a $10 gift card to those non-members who spent two to eight hours of their Sunday to help our club with an event they didn't even get to participate in?

GENTLE READER: Not paying them between $5 and $1.25 an hour.

People work for either love or money, and if it is money, the law requires more than the laundered payment you propose.

But volunteers are in the love -- or at least friendship -- category of worker. You repay them by thanking them profusely and reciprocating when they need help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When well-meaning people refer to persons of a certain age as "young lady" or "young man" when they clearly are seniors, it is condescending and really rather insulting. It indicates that the speaker has taken notice of how old the "young" lady or man really is.

Similarly, to be called "xx years young" rather than "old" is just unbearably cutesy and cringe-worthy.

Do these folks, who apparently think they are being sweet, believe that we are so simple-minded with age that we will not catch the implicit insult?

GENTLE READER: They at least assume that old people share their feeling that old age is embarrassing, if not shameful.

Unfortunately, many do. But while such people may cherish the idea that they pass for younger than they actually are, Miss Manners agrees with you that they cannot be so naive as to believe that these half-jocular comments are proof of having done so. Rather, as you say, this is patronizing evidence of focusing on the actual age of people while pretending to mistake them for youths.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past few years, I have been invited to baby showers that ask people to participate in a diaper raffle in addition to bringing a gift. Anyone who would like to brings a pack of diapers and then is entered into a raffle for a prize.

I silently decline to participate, on the grounds that this comes across as grabby. When I offered my opinion as graciously as possible on a social media site, I immediately received numerous comments from people who thought I was the greedy one -- among other unpleasant comments.

So now I'm wondering if I'm off base. What's your take on diaper raffles, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is happy to say that she doesn't have one. But she feels that she need hardly tell you that if you express an opinion on social media, it will certainly be challenged. Your first instinct -- to stay silent about a made-up ritual that you find distasteful -- was the correct one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I encounter a celebrity whose stage name is different from his/her birth name, how should I address him/her? What about celebrities who go by only one name?

GENTLE READER: If you are being introduced to that person in a business situation, you use the stage name or names. If you have met socially, and the celebrity uses the birth name in private life, you may use that.

But Miss Manners suspects that you are speaking of encountering that person in public, without an introduction. In that case, it would be more useful to know if that particular celebrity generally reacts to being addressed with a smile or a fist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a petite 77-year-old woman in good health. I was in a theater lobby carrying two cups of coffee to a nearby table when a woman startled me by coming up right next to me and saying, "I'll carry those wherever you're going."

I said I appreciated the offer, but was fine. I set the cups down and said, "I don't know why people think I need help," and she said, "I thought you were going to spill them."

A few days later, I was in line at the supermarket. There was a large plant in my basket and the cashier was coming around the counter to scan it when the woman behind me came up and lifted it to the counter.

I understand people want to be helpful, and these women must feel the world needs mothering, but wouldn't it have been polite to say, "Excuse me, could you use some help with that?" before intruding into a stranger's space?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, it would be an excellent habit, before these well-meaning folks start helping people across streets their targets don't want to cross. Furthermore, unannounced physical interference is dangerous. Ask anyone who has had control of his or her wheelchair hijacked.

However, Miss Manners wishes you had made that point to the would-be coffee carrier, rather than suggesting that she had simply picked the wrong beneficiary. Surely we do not want to discourage people from being helpful if they inquire respectfully whether help is needed. The polite way to decline is to say simply, "Thank you, but I can manage."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)