DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited a small group of women to go to a relaxation spa for my birthday. We checked in and started the festivities with appetizers and cocktails. Unfortunately, I had two drinks and became ill, inebriated, whatever you want to call it, by no one's fault. I just plain got sick.

I paid for all five of us, and the women went in as I straggled behind. Within minutes, I was getting even more ill. One of my lady friends took me outside and comforted me and, not knowing what to do, just sat there. Another guest took me back to the hotel.

As the "guest of honor," I had a bad taste in my mouth the day after because people I called my friends couldn't see that we should have rescheduled the relaxation spa affair, as I was not feeling well.

What does proper etiquette dictate? What would have been the proper thing for the guests to do under the circumstances, as I paid for everything?

I feel like it was rude of these so-called "friends" to take advantage of the situation, and I need to distance myself from people with such little character.

Is my thinking out of line? Illogical? Help me see this clearly.

GENTLE READER: Let's begin by clarifying some terms:

The person who issues the invitations for the event is the host, not the guest of honor. As such, you properly arranged and paid for the entertainment.

Your guests are guests. As such, they properly attended and participated -- they did not "take advantage of the situation." And your friends properly comforted you and saw to your care.

While illness may interfere with -- or even prevent -- a hostess performing her duties, it does not absolve her of all responsibility. Your friend was perplexed because she was still looking to you, as hostess, to issue instructions. The gracious course would have been to ask your guests to enjoy themselves in your absence. You could also have asked a close friend to look after everyone.

The captain whose incapacity results in the ship running aground is seldom remembered as a hero. The incapacitated hostess who nevertheless makes the effort to carry out -- or delegate -- her responsibilities will be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a right or wrong way to determine if a bathroom is in use? Should the next gentle user softly try the door handle to see if it is locked, or simply knock and allow the user to acknowledge their presence?

I wonder this because I am often on both sides of the door in the place that I exercise. This is not a stall but a room. I know I cannot change others' approach, but would like to know what is most acceptable.

GENTLE READER: If you are on both sides of the door, surely you know if the room is in use?

No, Miss Manners realizes you meant to say that you have, at different times, been both applicant and occupant. If the former, knock and await a response. If the latter, respond that the room is occupied. No good ever came from trying the door handle.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am about to complete 14 years of medical training and graduate as a oncology physician. I am female, with a generally open, warm manner, and can usually handle a wide variety of social situations.

However, when I meet new people outside of work, and they ask what I do, I occasionally answer truthfully.

This too often results in unsolicited commentary that is at best embarrassing ("You're an angel! How do you do it? Isn't that SO SAD?"), and at worst a complete occasion-destroyer when people launch into their own, again unsolicited, health history, or the tragic history of a friend or family member. Or the conversation immediately devolves into a heated debate (between others) on the state of our health care system, or conspiracy theories about how "the cure is out there" but being kept from them.

I have tried answering less-than-truthfully ("I work in health care"), which can end in guessing games and draw out the conversation unnecessarily. How do I avoid being a cocktail party conversation killer?

GENTLE READER: Whatever is said about your profession, your response should be, "Well, it's the kind of job that makes you grateful to get away among friends and talk about something else."

Miss Manners trusts that you will say this with a smile. You can then turn to someone else and say, "I imagine you feel the same way about your work."

It doesn't matter what that person's job is, because nowadays people consider it a disgrace to admit that they are not stressed. So the conversation will go on from there.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Occasionally I enjoy entertaining friends by inviting them to a dinner party at my home, where I prepare the food. When I invited a somewhat new friend and his spouse to such a dinner, they accepted readily.

However, I was surprised when he called a little more than one day before the dinner to inquire about the menu. I felt this was a little odd (unless a guest has issues with particular foods, but I'd already asked about this). Basically, I was told that my planned menu simply wouldn't do, as they would not care for anything I had planned to serve.

I was completely taken aback by this declaration. Uncertain what to do, I discussed alternatives with him and completely revised my menu, although I'd already purchased most of the planned ingredients and now had to go shopping once again.

They arrived late for the dinner and left before dessert was served because they had planned to visit a nearby ice cream emporium on the way home (implying, I suppose, that nothing I might have prepared would equal a commercial dessert).

Needless to say, I am not eager to invite them again. However, I would like your opinion as to how I should have reacted when the call was made to discuss the menu.

GENTLE READER: In effect, these people rejected your invitation, which was to attend a dinner you planned, not to order from you as if from a restaurant.

So Miss Manners would have advised you to accept that graciously, saying, "Well, I'm sorry my dinner won't be suitable for you. Perhaps some other time ..." The unspoken end of the second sentence would be "... I'll have better luck with my guests."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My third-grade child has a "best friend" who often tries to get my child in trouble, physically injure my child or break things out of jealousy. If it weren't for the fact that the "best friend's" parents are almost the only friends my husband and I have, I would end this friendship of my child's without blinking. They've come to be like family to me (we moved here just a little while ago, and my husband is an introvert and I'm a stay-at-home mother, so I don't get a lot of interaction with other adults).

The mother tries to reason with her child and threatens punishments that never occur. The father wants to correct/punish his child, but the mother stops him, and he gives in.

"They're just children" is the response I get when I protest or point out ugly behaviors.

My husband thinks their child is a sociopath. During play dates or get-togethers, I now make them stay within eyesight, and I've taken to correcting behavior and even separating them into different areas of the room.

Our child has been raised to be considerate, helpful and honest. People even stop us in public places to compliment us on how well-behaved our child is -- our friends included. The father has even expressed a wish his child was like ours.

We love the parents, but dislike their child and their method of raising him. Is there any way to fix these problems without losing the friendship of the parents, or should we just cut ties?

GENTLE READER: Ask your son.

Miss Manners assures you that this is not always her method of solving adult problems, but if your child is in third grade, he is old enough to make a decision about his own friendships -- and that could influence the way you make yours.

If your son genuinely wants to be best friends with the other boy, give him strategies and statements, such as, "I want to play with you, but not if you don't treat me and my things well."

However, if your son doesn't like the other boy, but feels that he must please him (or you), you can spare him the friendship without cutting off yours with the parents. Suggest that the parents all go out without the children -- share a (strict, no-nonsense) baby sitter -- or come up with other creative ways to keep it just adults (have just the women or men take turns going out alone).

It should be easy enough to convince those parents that you all could use a child-free night.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tactfully inform a co-worker, without offending her, that her choice in penciling-in her eyebrows is unattractive and not very "normal"?

GENTLE READER: You wait patiently until she says to you, "What do you think of my eyebrows? Should I not pencil them in like this?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)