DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a hostess in a family restaurant, and today I had a couple of young parents come in with an infant about 7 months old. I seated them in a lovely booth near the entrance of the restaurant.

To my dismay, they changed their baby's diaper right on their table. Then, they signaled me to come over, and when I arrived at their table, the woman held out the soiled diaper and asked me to dispose of it!

I said simply, "I don't have any place to dispose of your baby's diaper, but there is a ladies' room down the hall." She was obviously annoyed and said, "Oh, come on! Surely you can put it in one of the bus trays for us!"

I couldn't help myself, and so I answered, "We don't want your baby's soiled diaper in our bus trays; we cart dishes in those trays."

She became furious and demanded to speak with my supervisor. When she learned that my supervisor was not present, she demanded the phone number for the corporate entity that owns the restaurant, stating that she would make a complaint about me.

Miss Manners, how would you have handled her?

GENTLE READER: Without making physical contact.

Expressing concern for the health and hygiene of other customers and employees is perfectly reasonable, as long as it is done politely. If necessary, you can blame health department regulations.

Miss Manners would hope that any corporate entity would agree -- and assures you that she will be none too quick to frequent the establishment of one that does not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There's an urgent situation here regarding this year's lack of rainfall and water shortages. We're all going to have to cut back and be aware of our consumption, or else it's going to get pretty desperate.

One thing that really bothers me is the habit I see at work where certain people will flush the toilet before using it, thus wasting close to 3 gallons of water with each flush!

How can anyone approach these people in a work situation without it looking like they're being singled out? It's very upsetting to hear that we can't grow food while I watch these people at work waste water with each trip to the loo.

GENTLE READER: Put up a sign in the bathroom that says, "Please be mindful of our water shortage and limit your usage as much as possible." By displaying the sign for all, no individual is singled out.

Miss Manners will politely refrain, however, from inquiring as to how you seem so keenly aware of your co-worker's flushing habits.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My in-laws have graciously contributed a large amount of money for my husband and me to buy a very nice new car.

(1) How do I respond to people inquiring as to how we are able to afford such a nice car, and (2) How do I thank my in-laws?

GENTLE READER: (1) You don't. The question is rude and requires nothing more than a weak smile or change in subject. (2) Profusely.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In both business and personal dealings, it is often the case that emails are received containing typographical errors. In the days before email, one might ignore or even correct these incoming mistakes in a paraphrase ("In your letter of the 4th you asked about ...") but with email, it is common to have the original email attached at the end of your own.

When the spellchecker goes over your outgoing email, it flags and offers opportunities to correct the typos in both your response and the original email. How is this best handled?

GENTLE READER: With restraint. Technology may have made it easier to correct the mistakes of friends or business associates, but Miss Manners notices it has done nothing to make such behavior more endearing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find it extremely annoying to be separated from my spouse at the dinner table at my mother's house. This seems like an old tradition.

We like to touch and talk and do not talk about the kids, the dog or work, but we feel isolated and controlled when told where to sit. I would never dream of telling a guest where to sit.

Isn't the job of the hostess to make sure the guest is comfortable? What do you think? She knows we don't like it but does it on purpose.

GENTLE READER: What about the discomfort you cause those who do not want to watch you and your husband touching each other? And do the others at the table like it when you ignore the opportunity to be with them in favor of someone you see every day?

Of course it is the job of the hostess to tell everyone where to sit, in the interest of promoting general sociability. You have provided Miss Manners with an illustration of why this is necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I come from a family in which the women tend to be overweight. In my teens, I was following in my relatives' footsteps; to be blunt, I was fat.

However, when I was 16, I went on an eight-month diet, lost all the extra weight, and have kept it off ever since, via nothing more strenuous than portion control and some daily exercise -- which means brisk walking, not expensive gym visits. I love to cook and eat what I like. I just don't eat too much of it.

I am now 52. As I've aged, I've been asked more frequently, "How do you stay so slim?" I answer honestly: "Well, I don't eat too much, and I try to get some exercise every day."

I have been told that I am being rude. The woman who said this explained that the question, "How do you stay so slim?" doesn't require a real answer; it is merely a compliment. If I answer truthfully, I am implying that the questioner does eat too much and doesn't get exercise.

Fair enough, I suppose. However, according to my accuser, I am supposed to respond, "Just lucky, I guess," or "It's genetic."

Miss Manners, I am not going to claim that I was blessed by the weight gods when I wasn't, and I feel that I'm not telling anyone anything she doesn't already know: The way to avoid weight gain is not to eat too much and to get some exercise. However, if you agree that I am being rude, I'll avoid this answer. But could you suggest what I might say instead without actually lying?

GENTLE READER: There are many conventional questions of the "How are you?" variety for which an "honest" answer is neither expected nor welcome. Given how alarmingly common the weight question has become, Miss Manners can understand why your acquaintance thinks it has fallen into this category.

This does not, however, lessen the fact that the question itself is, if asked casually or of a stranger, not complimentary, but rude. Compliments take the form, "You look wonderful" -- and then only in situations and with people about whom it is acceptable to notice personal attributes. While you are under no obligation to answer the question, you cannot justly be called rude for doing so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to solicit cash donations to fund my child's extracurricular school trip from friends, family and business acquaintances? In the event that someone solicited does not reply, is it reasonable to ask again, or should the silence be interpreted as a "no"?

GENTLE READER: Do you have reason to believe that these people have enough interest in your child's extracurricular activities and sufficient discretionary funds that they would welcome the opportunity to contribute?

Would you gladly do the same for their children?

If you cannot say yes to both questions, Miss Manners advises you to refrain from attempting to embarrass them into complying.

But she gathers that you did not refrain. Can you at least refrain now from dunning those who did not respond? Silence does indeed mean "no," if not "Please go away."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my friends came to visit over a holiday weekend. She lives across the country, so we've mainly kept in touch through email since high school (we are now in our late 20s).

She had plans to see a sports game and go on a bar crawl with several other friends in the city. She did invite me to meet up with the group, but I had to work and I don't drink. We did meet for lunch, though.

I thought we had a nice visit -- until yesterday, when I received an email from her saying she was very disappointed about our last visit because one of her other friends spent two days with her and I had only met her for lunch. She's also displeased that I haven't made it across the country to visit her.

I work in a hospital, which means 12-hour shifts on weekends and holidays. I have also been in school. I explained that I had to work on a few of the days she would be here (it's very difficult to get time off), but I thought a lunch between her planned activities would be nice. Obviously, this was not enough, because she is now saying she doesn't think it's worth it to just keep in touch via email.

I would like your advice on how to respond to this, and if you think the friendship is worth trying to salvage.

GENTLE READER: A charitable way to look at your friend's critique is that she misses you, made a great effort to see you, and is hoping that you will return the visit so that you can spend some time with her when you are undistracted by work obligations.

Another way to read it is that she dismisses your obligations as unimportant and had refused to heed your warning about them before she made the trip.

It would depend on the tone of the letter, which Miss Manners has not seen. Where was it on the scale between cajoling and scolding?

In either case, you would have to decide whether you want a petulant friend. If you don't, you need not respond. But if you do, your answer should be, "I, too, would like to spend more time together. But as I explained, I don't always have that choice."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)