DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to solicit cash donations to fund my child's extracurricular school trip from friends, family and business acquaintances? In the event that someone solicited does not reply, is it reasonable to ask again, or should the silence be interpreted as a "no"?

GENTLE READER: Do you have reason to believe that these people have enough interest in your child's extracurricular activities and sufficient discretionary funds that they would welcome the opportunity to contribute?

Would you gladly do the same for their children?

If you cannot say yes to both questions, Miss Manners advises you to refrain from attempting to embarrass them into complying.

But she gathers that you did not refrain. Can you at least refrain now from dunning those who did not respond? Silence does indeed mean "no," if not "Please go away."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my friends came to visit over a holiday weekend. She lives across the country, so we've mainly kept in touch through email since high school (we are now in our late 20s).

She had plans to see a sports game and go on a bar crawl with several other friends in the city. She did invite me to meet up with the group, but I had to work and I don't drink. We did meet for lunch, though.

I thought we had a nice visit -- until yesterday, when I received an email from her saying she was very disappointed about our last visit because one of her other friends spent two days with her and I had only met her for lunch. She's also displeased that I haven't made it across the country to visit her.

I work in a hospital, which means 12-hour shifts on weekends and holidays. I have also been in school. I explained that I had to work on a few of the days she would be here (it's very difficult to get time off), but I thought a lunch between her planned activities would be nice. Obviously, this was not enough, because she is now saying she doesn't think it's worth it to just keep in touch via email.

I would like your advice on how to respond to this, and if you think the friendship is worth trying to salvage.

GENTLE READER: A charitable way to look at your friend's critique is that she misses you, made a great effort to see you, and is hoping that you will return the visit so that you can spend some time with her when you are undistracted by work obligations.

Another way to read it is that she dismisses your obligations as unimportant and had refused to heed your warning about them before she made the trip.

It would depend on the tone of the letter, which Miss Manners has not seen. Where was it on the scale between cajoling and scolding?

In either case, you would have to decide whether you want a petulant friend. If you don't, you need not respond. But if you do, your answer should be, "I, too, would like to spend more time together. But as I explained, I don't always have that choice."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the mail this morning, I received five photographs of a young child aged 2, the daughter of a relative, in various poses, with the following non-invitation:

"It has been a great year and she is growing up so fast. Thank you for all the love and support from all our family and friends. We are not having a party this year and hope to see everyone soon. Renata has been blessed with all of you in her life and really does not need anything. However, if you insist on a gift, can we suggest contributions to Renata's 529 College Savings Fund?"

What would be the proper response to such an invitation?

GENTLE READER: "Happy birthday, Renata."

Her parents have invited you not to insist upon paying for her education, and Miss Manners recommends that you take them up on that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like "Best wishes" or "Best regards" to end business correspondence, but I've been toying with alternatives for friends and family.

Here they are: "Live healthy," "Live free," "Be safe," etc.

Am I creating a trend perhaps not respectful of tradition (manners)?

GENTLE READER: When traditions need improving, Miss Manners will let you know.

There is nothing wrong with signing off with assurances of sincerity or good wishes or affectionate sentiments. Admonishing your correspondents to lead safe, healthy lives sounds remarkably like nagging.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in our early 50s. We have a friend who is in his 30s and single. Through a relationship that we won't go into, he now has a 1-year-old daughter who stays with him from time to time.

Every time she comes into town to spend the weekend, she ends up at our house for hours on end. He might drop in and suddenly need to "run an errand if you can watch her for a bit." Or he sends a text to ask what we are up to. If I say we are hanging around the house, he appears on the doorstep saying he knows we wouldn't mind keeping her for a while.

We don't have children, and really, at this point in our lives, are not good with children. We value our friendship but are becoming annoyed with this situation. Whenever I mention that we aren't "kid people," he laughs and says he knows his daughter is the exception.

Any way out of this without completely dissolving our friendship?

GENTLE READER: "I'm so sorry, but we just aren't set up to have a child in the house on her own. We would love to see the two of you together or just you, of course, but I'm sure that your daughter would much rather have her father around -- whom she came to see, after all."

Miss Manners hopes that this will not only get you out of baby-sitting, but will also encourage your friend to spend more time with his daughter -- or at least consider the responsibilities before having another.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation from a friend of mine to spend the weekend at some property of hers. The caveat: We would be building her a house.

Granted, it is a "tiny house," and my friend is not the type of person to follow formal etiquette on functions, but this struck me as beyond the pale. I mentioned it offhandedly to my parents on a phone call, and they didn't see any problem, calling it a "barn-raiser."

Miss Manners, I feel as though no one should be asked to raise a barn for a woman with a master's degree.

Who's right, my parents or me? I do plan on declining, due to some health problems that prevent me from, uh, building a house.

GENTLE READER: When the barn-raiser was a recognized event, in 18th- and 19th-century rural communities, it was understood that the favor would later be returned.

Miss Manners fears that your friend has missed the importance of reciprocity. Perhaps she could limit her invitations to those who, while she was earning her degree, insisted on asking why she did not spend her time on something more practical. They could then enjoy a last laugh at her expense while she benefits from their more practical training.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the buffet line, what do you do when the person in line behind you is reaching in front of you to get food and pushing you along to get you to hurry?

GENTLE READER: Get out of the way.

Miss Manners knows how galling it is to allow the pushy to achieve their objectives. She will grant you a sweeping "After you, Alphonse" gesture as you move. But standing between rude people and their feed could be dangerous.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman of appropriate weight for my height, definitely well within the normal range. This has been a consistent state of affairs for literally decades.

It is remarkable how often, upon running into people I have not seen in a while, they choose to comment on how much weight I have lost. The fact is I weigh what I did the last time our paths crossed.

Obviously I find this upsetting, as so many people are evidently running around with memories of a much larger me. My response tends to be, "No, I weigh exactly what I weighed last time I saw you -- but, for whatever reason, I tend to grow to quite astronomical proportions in people's memory once they take leave of me."

This is certainly not the best response to a comment I feel never should have been made.

GENTLE READER: You know that your weight has not changed in decades. Are you sure about that of every acquaintance?

Miss Manners suspects not. The people you describe have as little knowledge about your weight history as you do about theirs.

They are being rude, but they are trying, in their annoying way, to compliment you. Otherwise, would you not expect as many to think that you gained weight as that you lost it? Their comments call for a change of subject, rather than an answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)