DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who routinely brings tasty treats to work for me. Although I appreciate her generosity, these treats are routinely accompanied with an insult.

For example, today she gave me a piece of a loaf with icing on top but promptly advised me to scrape off the icing. It's little nuggets of advice like this that lead me to think she thinks I am overweight. (I most certainly am not!)

However, I can't reject her food because she often leaves it on my desk. How do I get her to stop insulting my healthy (but never gluttonous) appetite?

GENTLE READER: It is unfortunate that the icing on your friend's cake is an insult. But since the two are in direct contact, Miss Manners wonders, why, exactly, can you not politely reject the whole package?

Hand back the treat and say: "You are so right. It's so kind of you to offer, but I really can't." If this makes your friend rethink her method of delivery, you will be in the happy position of having your cake and eating it too.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell the person who is cutting my hair or cleaning my teeth that I don't want to talk about my personal life?

GENTLE READER: Keeping your eyes shut might alert them that you are tuned out. If necessary, Miss Manners recommends telling the hair cutter that you are blissfully relaxed. To the dental hygienist, you need only say a version of "Ummpphhh," which will be recognized as the inability to hold a conversation when there are instruments in your mouth.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How much courtesy do I owe street solicitors?

I'm not referring to the homeless (for whom I feel compassion), but to salespeople who stop me as I'm going about my day and try to engage me in a conversation about some random product, service or cause they'd like to sell me.

I find the ambush sales-pitch imposing and rude. What I do now is to say, "No, thanks" without breaking my gait, and even then I feel a little guilty about being gruff.

However, in the scheme of things, I feel my response is more polite than the situation calls for. I would like to say, "Please don't bother me," but that seems disrespectful to a person who is just doing a job, albeit an annoying one.

I don't think that accosting people, taking advantage of a natural tendency to avoid conflict, is a reasonable way to do business. I don't like responding to it with more consideration than I've been extended.

I live in a major urban area and encounter tons of these folks. I'm sick of it. What's your take?

GENTLE READER: Responding to rudeness with more consideration than has been extended is something of a guiding principle for Miss Manners.

She also knows that the alternative is ineffective: The people whom you wish to lecture are the agents, not the originators, of the approach. Far better to pass on with a "No, thank you," as you are doing, leaving the would-be salesman without successes to report to his boss.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have been married for three years. Finally, we have been able to get the engagement ring we have always wanted.

We are not wealthy by any means. We work very hard; we both have two jobs after deciding that our priority was to pay down all our debts and live below our means (which means severely limiting going out to dinners and the movies).

At first, it did bother me when I saw from my friends' social media posts and pictures how much fun they were having, but our method has allowed us to start saving toward building a house overseas.

I knew that there would be mixed emotions from people in our social circle once the ring became public news, and since then we have received the wonderful and expected congratulations.

Unfortunately, we have also been met with sarcasm and critical remarks, such as, "Of course you guys were able to afford a ring -- you don't have kids!"

This comment hurts me deeply, as we have secretly struggled with miscarriages in the past. It also makes me feel that I am an outsider and like my hard-earned happiness is being trampled on.

I have made mistakes in my life, financial and otherwise; but it seems that because I did not make the same choices my friends have (such as starting a family at a very young age, job hopping every few months, or consistently going out every weekend) that my happiness is somehow not substantiated.

I am not sure how to respond without being rude when comments of this nature are directed at me, but I am tired of being beaten down for my success.

GENTLE READER: Exactly how did your buying a ring become "public news"?

Miss Manners doubts that even people who are brash enough to grab the hand of a newly engaged lady to check out the expected jewelry would think to do so to someone married three years previously.

You told them, didn't you -- directly or through a social media posting, or both?

And by labeling it an engagement ring, you (as you acknowledge) expected congratulations -- not on becoming engaged, after marriage, but on acquiring a piece of jewelry.

Mind you, Miss Manners not only agrees that how you spend your hard-earned money is none of anyone's business, but she even can understand that the illogic of calling it an engagement ring has sentimental charm for you and your husband. Had a friend happened to notice the ring, it would have been in a complimentary way, and you would not likely have been subjected to criticism for confiding that it is the engagement ring you never had at the time of your engagement.

But you made it, as you say, "public news." And therefore you solicited reaction from the public. Not everyone is polite and sympathetic enough to go along with your notion of this as an engagement.

Your response to criticism can be to say, "Well, it makes us happy," stiffly enough so as to discourage further comment. Then you should resolve not to seek public approval of your private business when you are not also prepared to accept public disapproval.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our first baby in a month. We have named her Natalie, but my best friend has been referring to her as Nat Nat, which I hate! It makes me cringe every time she does it!

How do I ask her not to call my baby that without sounding too mean? My husband says to leave it alone and not be one of "those" moms, but I seriously can't handle the nickname while Natalie is just a little baby!

GENTLE READER: This is the first of many things that you think you won't be able to handle while your child is just a baby, but Miss Manners assures you that you will.

Correcting the behavior of well-meaning friends and family will be among the hardest to resist right now, but you must -- especially if you want help from them during the first few difficult and sleep-deprived months.

Miss Manners is afraid that you must come to terms with the idea that your child will be nicknamed whether you like it or not. Revenge will be yours, however, when your daughter becomes old enough to come up with nicknames for everyone herself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response to someone who wishes my husband or me a happy Mother's or Father's Day, when we were not blessed with the ability to have children?

Should we inform them of this, or just say a polite "Thank you"?

GENTLE READER: Why some people think they are being charming to distribute congratulations to people of whose circumstances they are ignorant, Miss Manners cannot imagine. As a response from childless people, she suggests something like, "I'll give my father your good wishes" or, "I'm afraid I've lost my mother."

DEAR MISS MANNERS? Is there a tactful, or at least socially acceptable, way to articulate to your friends that it was your pleasure to reserve and pay for their hotel rooms in advance (as was required by the booking service) -- but that now that the event is over, it would really be nice if everyone reimbursed you?

While $100 for one person is not a lot, it starts to add up when you've had to do it for several people.

GENTLE READER: Surely there was an understanding, before going into this, that everyone was to reimburse you, and your friends do not expect you to foot the entire bill. Yes?

At any rate, Miss Manners asks you to give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they are just waiting for you to tell them the exact amount owed. Write to them, saying that you have received the hotel bill and it comes out to X amount per person. Include your address, even if you're sure that they already know it. The message, after you state how happy you were to have them attend whatever event you gave, is a business transaction, and there is no shame in being businesslike about it.