DEAR MISS MANNERS: My current boyfriend and I are quickly approaching our one-year anniversary and made a trip to look at engagement rings. As I plan a future with him, I still have a couple of trinkets at home from a previous relationship: a pair of silver earrings I received as a birthday gift from an ex-boyfriend, and a pair of sweatpants taken from the same ex-boyfriend's closet.

I still wear the earrings and occasionally curl up in the comfy sweatpants. Is it wrong to keep them? Should I tell my boyfriend where (or rather, from whom) I received them?

GENTLE READER: Are you prepared for his response?

Miss Manners would have been inclined to allow you to keep the earrings and not mention from whom they came (or say "an old friend gave them to me," which is perfectly true). But your intimate description of the sweatpants (from the same person, no less) is making her question your loyalties -- and she fears that your beau would too.

It would seem easier all around to give or put away gifts from an old boyfriend if he truly means nothing to you now. If your future fiance won't allow you to wear his sweatpants, presumably it would still be preferable to keep the man that is still in them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to a co-worker who brags about getting a trust fund check every quarter? With the latest check, she has mentioned to me (twice) everything that she has bought with it, or that she paid off. I just sit and nod my head, currently.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, that is about all one can politely do. Miss Manners suggests you change the subject by mentioning local charities you know that are looking for funding -- as long as you refrain from adding that you might be among them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I were married seven months ago, we agreed that each of us would be responsible for writing thank-you notes for the wedding gifts given by our closest family and friends. I wrote the notes to my close friends and my husband signed his name next to mine; I co-signed several lovely notes written by my husband.

Unfortunately, my husband stopped after just a few notes and has left the rest unwritten. I've tried gentle and less gentle reminders, and while he acknowledges the importance of the notes, he hasn't taken the time to finish them. I feel deeply embarrassed and complicit in our lack of expressed gratitude.

I clearly can't force my husband to write the notes. I also know I will feel resentful if I decide to write notes to his close friends and family on our behalf that are many months late. What would you advise me to do?

GENTLE READER: Sympathize with his not wanting to do this, and write the letters yourself.

Wait -- before you unleash your resentment on Miss Manners, let her finish. Then pick some comparable chore that you find annoying and ask your husband to take it over. Evening things out by each of you doing what you don't mind and sparing the other from tasks that you or he does mind makes for a pleasanter marriage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I play a word game online, and some of my friends do this: If they're losing by a large margin and the game is nearly over, they "resign" the game and start a new one.

It doesn't matter if I had a few letters left that I wanted to figure out how to play (which to me is the fun of the game); they just feel that the particular game is done because (1) they're going to lose no matter what, and/or (2) they can only make words like "ha" or "it" with the few letters they have left.

They don't ask me if I would mind resigning the game -- they just do it. I've told these friends that I don't like that, and they argue with me that it was the sensible thing to do.

I think it's rude and poor sportsmanship. I want to have fun, down to the last two letters I get to play! So, what do you think -- is resigning like that rude and unsportsmanlike, or should I just suck it up?

GENTLE READER: Sportsmanship is a matter of behavior, and interacting quasi-anonymously through an online game robs participants of vital clues about motivation and conduct.

Were your opponent to resign by upending the game board and stomping out of the room, it would be rude and unsportsmanlike. Nor does a good winner prolong a lost game for the purpose of "rubbing it in."

Miss Manners sees no indication that your opponent is doing the former and you are clearly not doing the latter. but without contact outside of the game, there is no way to know for sure, which is why you, quite correctly, resorted to email. Having now explained your well-meant reasons to your opponent, and received his equally well-meant response, it would be gracious to accede to his wishes on the theory that as the winner, you can afford to be generous.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who sits across from me and constantly expresses her frustrations by mumbling under her breath and rolling her eyes. She isn't doing it directly toward me, but she does it very audibly and sometimes slams her hands down on her desk as well.

It can be very irritating at times and counterproductive in the way that she spreads a lot of negativity around. Is there any way for me to say something like, "Hey, your mumbling and talking under your breath isn't very productive and causes stress. Can you keep it under control?" Should I just ignore it?

GENTLE READER: It would be better to ignore it than to relate it either to productivity or to stress, Miss Manners warns you.

The former will invite questions of how productive is the behavior that annoyed your colleague. The latter will turn the discussion to medicine and psychology, both areas in which the co-worker may find justifications for her impolite behavior.

You need not, however, do either. Simply asking your co-worker if she has something to say to the group will make it clear to her that her behavior has been noticed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a professional transcriptionist, and I spend, literally, eight hours or more a day on solid computer use. I am very reluctant to spend my off time on yet more computer use, let alone use precious time with my family with my nose to the screen.

So I do not participate in online social media. Several of my siblings find this deplorable, that I am not "with it." Am I being anti-social?

GENTLE READER: Has it come to that -- that wanting to be with human beings, instead of machines, is called anti-social?

When Miss Manners picks herself up from the fainting couch, she might consider the possibility that your siblings have given up writing letters, making telephone calls and sending emails, and that they therefore feel that they have lost touch with you unless they can tell themselves that you are reading their posts.

So while you should ignore the bullying about not keeping up -- a tactic they should have left behind with childhood -- you might address the deeper problem. Tell them you would love to keep in personal touch and invite them to visit.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the end of the year, all parents in my daughter’s school get a notice sent home from the school requesting that students, as well as parents, fill out little thank-you notes in different shapes to show appreciation for the staff. Yes, we are being directed to write thank-yous. I have never heard of this, and I do not remember these requests years ago when I was in school.

In addition, another notice is given at the end of the year to parents about a staff appreciation luncheon. Parents are requested to bring in food, etc., on a certain day for the staff. Again, I have never heard of this and was wondering what your thoughts are on this subject. Besides the fact that asking for thanks seems a bit presumptuous to me, not to mention pushy, it's a bit unnatural to me.

GENTLE READER: Undoubtedly, it would be better if the parents had thought of showing appreciation to the teachers, but Miss Manners gathers that they did not. Perhaps when you were in school, they did not need to be prompted.

Socially, it is indeed gauche to ask for thanks. But at the schools, let us consider it educational for both parents and students to learn to express gratitude in writing.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you have plans with someone, and they call to cancel, what is a proper way to respond instead of saying, "Oh, that's OK”? The world seems to take advantage of those of us who remain flexible.

GENTLE READER: You are saying more or less the right thing, but apparently you are saying it too convincingly. How you should say it depends on the seriousness of the excuse offered.

If the person is calling from a hospital bed, it would be, “My goodness, I understand, I hope you’ll be all right.” If no excuse, or a flimsy one, is offered, Miss Manners recommends saying, “Quite all right” with a pause between each word, and cutting off further explanations.

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