DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's daughter will be having a baby soon. This will be our first grandchild, and so what the child calls me will, I imagine, set the standard for future grandchildren.

My husband's daughters were adults when my husband and I married. Although we rarely see his ex-wife, I suspect that we will all be thrown together more frequently when babies enter the picture.

Should the children call me Grandma also, since I am their grandfather's wife? Is there another possibility? I really want to do the right and kind thing. I don't want to upset anyone, or confuse anyone, but the children using my first name seems odd to me, and, as I am a Yankee, Miss Scarlet just would not fit.

GENTLE READER: Even without divorces, it is not uncommon for children to have more than one living grandmother. Well, two, anyway; and with divorces, four or, in the case of step-exes, more.

So it behooves the family to work out designations, which could include some version of the title (diminutives, such as Granny, with or without your given or surname added, or translations that refer to the family heritage, such as "Oma" or "Nonna"), or just a special, affectionate nickname.

All generations may be considered interested parties in finding something mutually agreeable, and, in your case, your stepdaughter may also represent the wishes of her mother, toward whom Miss Manners appreciates your sensitivity.

It should be noted, however, that veto power ultimately goes to the baby, who may eventually ignore even unanimous decisions and call you what he or she likes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm about to go to a high school reunion. How does one reply when someone compliments you besides thanking them, if the years haven't been as good to them as they have to you?

I look younger than my age in years, partly because I have a young-looking face, but also because I work out, watch what I eat, and haven't spent time in the sun so my skin looks good. When people compliment me about how good I look or how young I look, I thank them, and if they look good too, I return the compliment.

GENTLE READER: Contrary to common expectations about high school reunions, participants are not required to appraise one another.

The real purpose of reunions is to allow everyone the opportunity to upgrade the impression he or she left years ago. So if someone compliments you, Miss Manners recommends that after you accept graciously, you provide the desired opening by saying: "How wonderful to see you. I'd love to catch up."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent a note of congratulations, along with a monetary gift, in response to a graduation announcement I received. I eventually received a hurtful response from the parent, saying that the size of the gift showed that I must be in financial hardship.

The person went on to say that they started to send the gift back to me, but decided to thank me for the thought. This was a very painful response to a genuinely heartfelt expression of happiness for the family. The person is not ignorant of social graces and manners.

GENTLE READER: Really? And what would this person have done if he or she was, in fact, ignorant of social graces and manners? Sent a collection agency after you for whatever amount they believed that you owed?

Miss Manners cannot help noticing that while insulting you for your present, the family still accepted it. No response to them from you is necessary. Ever again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the rule for standing around talking in the gym locker room naked?

GENTLE READER: Please don't.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every four years, my husband and I have hosted a large party for the World Cup. We save for four years (my husband works manual labor and I am a public school teacher) so we can treat our friends, neighbors, teammates (we both play on adult leagues and coach as well) and their families to catered food, drinks, mariachis and a bounce house for their children.

Watching it takes two hours, and it is fun to share the excitement with other soccer fans. However, past World Cup parties have been ruined for me by spouses of soccer fans who do not enjoy the original "football."

One time, a lady constantly reported "skirmishes" between her 5-year-old child and other kids and wanted me to intervene. Another time, a spouse complained about how much she hated soccer, grabbed one of my fashion magazines, and wanted me to view and comment on photos with her during the game.

I spend hundreds of dollars planning this party and hiring people to cater to guests' wishes during the game (bartender, caterer, etc.), and I wish I could be left to watch and enjoy it for two 45-minute halves with the rest of the group.

Is this asking too much, Miss Manners? Is there something I could put in the invitation to make it clear that the game is the reason for the party and that hosting duties will be suspended during the match? Or am I mistaken in thinking that I could enjoy 90 minutes every four years if I invite guests to my house?

I bet that answering this question will aid many American football fans who attend and/or host Super Bowl parties as well. Please let all of us sports fans know.

GENTLE READER: You could provide a separate bounce house for people who make nuisances of themselves by sabotaging the terms of an engagement they have accepted. Or ask a game-averse friend to do substitute hosting while you watch.

But you could also include in the invitation the timing of both the overall party and the actual game (adding an hour or so before and after) and suggest that guests who do not enjoy watching come late or arrive early to socialize with you.

After that, Miss Manners is afraid you must take it on a case-by-case basis: "Oh, I'm so sorry, but I'm really enjoying watching the game. Perhaps we can talk about fashion afterward -- or at an Oscar party." If they are perceptive -- and award-show enthusiasts -- they will understand that they wouldn't want you to talk sports while they are reviewing the red carpet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to use soap that is shaped like a rose as a decoration and favor, placed on guest tables at a wedding reception?

GENTLE READER: Considering that weddings often feature rose decorations made out of sugar, Miss Manners would consider this a dangerous idea.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an ongoing disagreement with my husband regarding telephone etiquette. When he calls me, I pick up the phone and say "Hello" and he responds with "Hi." He then falls silent, expecting me to respond to his "Hi" with a "Hi" of my own.

I feel that, since he called me, and I have already greeted him, it is not necessary to then respond to his greeting, as it would be redundant. So I just wait for him to tell me what he called about.

This irks him no end, which I find rather silly, and the conversation then becomes about why I don't say "Hi" back. Eventually he tells me why he called, but by then he's annoyed. Am I required to answer his greeting with another greeting, or is he being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: If a greeting given and acknowledged is not sufficient, where does your husband draw the line? Would he have responded to your "Hi" with another "Hello"?

Had Miss Manners been asked to listen in on your end of the conversation, she would have concluded that your husband's cellphone reception was unreliable. Explain that while you, too, put a premium on manners, you also enjoy your conversations and are eager to hear what he has to say on other subjects.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suppose I should be grateful that we have received thank-you notes at all for wedding presents we sent, but when did it become acceptable to send out photo cards with a preprinted message?

They have even gone so far as to have preprinted envelopes as well! There is no personalization, let alone a mention of any gift. I have even been told that the "thankful" couple can place their order with the printer, include the mailing list, and the printer will handle that pesky detail for them as well! They need not even be bothered with stuffing the envelopes.

I may be overreacting, but I find this practice insulting. I understand that people are busy, and it is nice to see wedding photos. But is it too much to ask that the happy couple take a few seconds to jot their names and at the very least a line in their own handwriting on the back of the card about how grateful they are for the generous gift?

GENTLE READER: You are assuming that they are grateful. Miss Manners finds no sign of that in your account.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there an etiquette for handing a click-type pen to someone?

I want to know if one is supposed to click it closed before handing it over, so as not to accidentally mark their hand or shirt. That's what I always thought, but my girlfriend says that perturbs her when people do that because she has to click it open again.

GENTLE READER: Anything that has the potential to do harm should properly be disarmed (or, in the case of a sword, reversed) before being offered. But Miss Manners is more emphatic that this be applied to cutlery than to a pen.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)