DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the rule for standing around talking in the gym locker room naked?

GENTLE READER: Please don't.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every four years, my husband and I have hosted a large party for the World Cup. We save for four years (my husband works manual labor and I am a public school teacher) so we can treat our friends, neighbors, teammates (we both play on adult leagues and coach as well) and their families to catered food, drinks, mariachis and a bounce house for their children.

Watching it takes two hours, and it is fun to share the excitement with other soccer fans. However, past World Cup parties have been ruined for me by spouses of soccer fans who do not enjoy the original "football."

One time, a lady constantly reported "skirmishes" between her 5-year-old child and other kids and wanted me to intervene. Another time, a spouse complained about how much she hated soccer, grabbed one of my fashion magazines, and wanted me to view and comment on photos with her during the game.

I spend hundreds of dollars planning this party and hiring people to cater to guests' wishes during the game (bartender, caterer, etc.), and I wish I could be left to watch and enjoy it for two 45-minute halves with the rest of the group.

Is this asking too much, Miss Manners? Is there something I could put in the invitation to make it clear that the game is the reason for the party and that hosting duties will be suspended during the match? Or am I mistaken in thinking that I could enjoy 90 minutes every four years if I invite guests to my house?

I bet that answering this question will aid many American football fans who attend and/or host Super Bowl parties as well. Please let all of us sports fans know.

GENTLE READER: You could provide a separate bounce house for people who make nuisances of themselves by sabotaging the terms of an engagement they have accepted. Or ask a game-averse friend to do substitute hosting while you watch.

But you could also include in the invitation the timing of both the overall party and the actual game (adding an hour or so before and after) and suggest that guests who do not enjoy watching come late or arrive early to socialize with you.

After that, Miss Manners is afraid you must take it on a case-by-case basis: "Oh, I'm so sorry, but I'm really enjoying watching the game. Perhaps we can talk about fashion afterward -- or at an Oscar party." If they are perceptive -- and award-show enthusiasts -- they will understand that they wouldn't want you to talk sports while they are reviewing the red carpet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to use soap that is shaped like a rose as a decoration and favor, placed on guest tables at a wedding reception?

GENTLE READER: Considering that weddings often feature rose decorations made out of sugar, Miss Manners would consider this a dangerous idea.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an ongoing disagreement with my husband regarding telephone etiquette. When he calls me, I pick up the phone and say "Hello" and he responds with "Hi." He then falls silent, expecting me to respond to his "Hi" with a "Hi" of my own.

I feel that, since he called me, and I have already greeted him, it is not necessary to then respond to his greeting, as it would be redundant. So I just wait for him to tell me what he called about.

This irks him no end, which I find rather silly, and the conversation then becomes about why I don't say "Hi" back. Eventually he tells me why he called, but by then he's annoyed. Am I required to answer his greeting with another greeting, or is he being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: If a greeting given and acknowledged is not sufficient, where does your husband draw the line? Would he have responded to your "Hi" with another "Hello"?

Had Miss Manners been asked to listen in on your end of the conversation, she would have concluded that your husband's cellphone reception was unreliable. Explain that while you, too, put a premium on manners, you also enjoy your conversations and are eager to hear what he has to say on other subjects.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suppose I should be grateful that we have received thank-you notes at all for wedding presents we sent, but when did it become acceptable to send out photo cards with a preprinted message?

They have even gone so far as to have preprinted envelopes as well! There is no personalization, let alone a mention of any gift. I have even been told that the "thankful" couple can place their order with the printer, include the mailing list, and the printer will handle that pesky detail for them as well! They need not even be bothered with stuffing the envelopes.

I may be overreacting, but I find this practice insulting. I understand that people are busy, and it is nice to see wedding photos. But is it too much to ask that the happy couple take a few seconds to jot their names and at the very least a line in their own handwriting on the back of the card about how grateful they are for the generous gift?

GENTLE READER: You are assuming that they are grateful. Miss Manners finds no sign of that in your account.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there an etiquette for handing a click-type pen to someone?

I want to know if one is supposed to click it closed before handing it over, so as not to accidentally mark their hand or shirt. That's what I always thought, but my girlfriend says that perturbs her when people do that because she has to click it open again.

GENTLE READER: Anything that has the potential to do harm should properly be disarmed (or, in the case of a sword, reversed) before being offered. But Miss Manners is more emphatic that this be applied to cutlery than to a pen.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past few years I have noticed an infuriating trend: service people, such as cashiers, waitresses, etc., but sometimes also complete strangers, address me as "Mama."

Whatever happened to "Ma'am?"

I find this tacky and disrespectful, and it makes me absolutely livid. I snap back with a haughty "I'm not your mama!" which always causes total shock and surprise.

"Mama," in this context, is clearly a way of addressing an older women -- it calls attention to the woman's age. Yesterday, a younger friend of mine was devastated because some clerk called her "Mama" for the first time.

Do you have a better retort than a very stern "I am not your mama"? And will you please tell your readers to stop doing this?

GENTLE READER: What happened to "Ma'am" is that the age factor was injected into it from the recipient's side. Those who apparently consider it reprehensible to grow older, even as they are doing so, took it as an insult, rather than the indication of respect it actually is. (Royal females are correctly addressed as "Ma'am," whatever their age.)

In contrast, flinging around the hallowed terms denoting motherhood is disrespectful, Miss Manners agrees. Her own dear mother used a softer version of your retort to strangers, which she offers to you: "Surely if I were your mother, I would have remembered you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would I need to have a corsage for the guest of honor at a baby shower?

GENTLE READER: Because you phrased this as a "need," Miss Manners gathers that you would not intend giving it as a spontaneous and charming gesture. Rather, you are thinking of it as possibly required, as a badge to distinguish the guest of honor.

No, it is not necessary. At a baby shower, it is not difficult to distinguish the guest of honor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every so often, my mom -- with no small amount of soft soap -- will comment negatively on an aspect of my appearance (say, a hair extension). Do you think I should:

(A) play the respectful daughter and remove or change whatever it is; after all, how often do we see each other and what would it hurt me? OR,

(B) say, "Thank you for sharing," in the hope of discouraging this kind of behavior in future?

Our time with our parents is short, so I'm inclined to just make my mother happy. On the other hand, if I've turned myself out in something, usually I feel good in it.

GENTLE READER: May Miss Manners pick one from column A and one from column B?

From A, she would pick being a respectful daughter, but not changing merely because of the criticism; from B, saying just "Thank you," but not hoping to re-educate your mother. Being listened to should be sufficiently gratifying in itself, whether or not the advice is followed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to eat in bed?

GENTLE READER: Is there anyone else in that bed? If so, that person gets to respond, not Miss Manners. It's no crumbs in her sheets.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)