DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a courteous way to impose a limit on, well, courtesy? I was disembarking from the rear door of a bus when an elderly gentleman immediately in front of me had trouble pushing the door open. I reached over and assisted him, and then exited myself.

I held the door for the person behind me, so as not to let it slam in his face, assuming that he would take the door from me. He didn't. Neither did the four people behind him, who ranged in age from adolescent to elderly.

Eventually, a couple struggling with two strollers disembarked, the last of the departing riders, and I felt that I shouldn't release the door, and so I didn't.

Was there a point at which I could have relinquished my job as door person pro tem without being discourteous.

GENTLE READER: Your services were offered graciously, if unintentionally, and Miss Manners is pleased to return the courtesy by solving your problem, though not by herself relieving you of the door.

Wait for a person who can be expected to hold a door, and take a half step in front of him before he comes through. The movement will bring him up short, at which point you can catch his eye and then slowly release the door, eventually letting go.

This maneuver must be so executed as not to leave anyone lying prone on the sidewalk, and it is meant for the extreme situation you describe -- not to punish a lone, lazy teenager who slips through after Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can you politely say "no" when a person gives you a book to read that you have no interest in reading?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you so much. I cannot wait to get to it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I lacking in the manners department if I do not always buy birthday gifts for my friends?

I had a friend who was very offended when I did not get her a gift for her birthday, and who made sure to remind me about the gifts she had given me on my "special day." We are in our mid-20s.

While I think it is a very nice gesture to give gifts to people close to you, and I make sure to show appreciation if I am given a gift, I did not think it was a required activity. I have given her gifts in the past, but never made it a regular tradition. Perhaps I should have, since she gave me a birthday gift.

Am I on the wrong side of this? At what point, if any, should adults stop expecting other people to buy them gifts?

GENTLE READER: Immediately. There is no excuse for demanding presents for oneself.

However, with some exceptions, present-giving should be a roughly even exchange. It should not be confused with philanthropy, which is one-sided and highly admirable, but unrelated to the offering of symbols of fondness among relatives and friends.

By roughly equivalent, Miss Manners is not referring to immediate reciprocation, nor to the monetary value. It merely means giving something of equal thoughtfulness when the occasion presents itself.

If you are not prepared to do this -- and indeed, it can easily become burdensome -- you owe it to your friend to tell her that much as you have appreciated her presents, you cannot keep accepting them and would prefer an agreement to acknowledge each other's birthdays with good wishes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I fell and hit my head, which left a large bruise (black eye and large scar) on one side of my face. Every time I go out in public, someone asks me what I did to my face. Most of the questioners are total strangers, e.g., store clerks and fellow bus riders.

I usually get mad and tell them to mind their own business. Is there any polite but firm way to let these people know they're out of line? I understand friends asking, but why does a visible injury make me exhibit A?

GENTLE READER: Snarling at people to mind their own business -- however justified by their nosiness -- would be a good way to convince people that your injuries were the result of your own pugnaciousness.

Oddly enough, claiming that, with a cheerful "You should see the others -- and there were five of them," would have the opposite effect.

However, Miss Manners does not require you to engage with strangers. A quick dismissal would be, "Thank you, I'm fine," as if they were good citizens inquiring only to know if you needed help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK for the bride to wear an elegant watch to her wedding reception?

GENTLE READER: Does she have an important appointment after the wedding that she is worried about missing?

Watches, however snazzy, are not properly worn with formal clothes or on social occasions, exactly because they imply a need to keep track of the time spent there before moving on to the next item on the schedule. If this is the case, Miss Manners would advise the lady to wear a concealed watch and to consult it discreetly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was put off by an invitation to a cousin's 70th birthday party sent by her two daughters for the reason you have long pointed out -- we were invited to come and celebrate, but had to pay for dinner. I told several members of the extended family how this was a breach of etiquette and did not attend the party but sent a card.

In the meantime, my mother completely recovered from a serious illness, and so I came upon the idea that my three siblings and our partners would take Mom out for a celebratory dinner where each couple would pay for their own dinner -- as is usual for us. Then I decided to ask a large number of cousins if they would like to join the original eight of us at the restaurant dinner to help celebrate their beloved aunt's recovery. This would be a no-host affair.

Am I being a hypocrite here, as some in the family think? Or are the two celebrations, as I think, not comparable? There is still time for me (and perhaps my siblings) to pick up the entire tab if you deem etiquette requires it.

GENTLE READER: Please do. Or explain to Miss Manners what the difference is between your cousins (who were not party to the cooperative agreement with your siblings) asking you to pay for a celebratory family dinner, and your asking your cousins to pay for a celebratory family dinner. Other than that you would have had to pay in the former case, but would have collected in the latter case.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member recently arranged to have two DNA swab kits sent directly to my husband and me from a well-known scientific organization. The organization apparently is in the process of conducting a worldwide hereditary study.

We have no association with this organization and have never mentioned any interest in this study to the family member. From online research I did, the kits are quite pricey and also help provide revenue to the organization.

We have no intention of sending our DNA to this organization. These kits came out of the blue, as we haven't exchanged gifts with this person in over 20 years and really have very little contact -- maybe a note or call every few years.

How do we respond to the gift? Do we simply send a note saying we received the packages and thank you for thinking of us and then throw them away?

I would never re-gift this item, nor donate it to a charity for resale, such as one might do with a sweater or fruit bowl. Do we return the gift to the sender with a thank-you note, but point out that we will not use the kits and perhaps someone else she knows would value them? Do we return them to the scientific organization so the charged account can be credited?

GENTLE READER: Just don't leave any fingerprints or stray hairs on that kit when you donate it back to the organization.

And ask for its discretion in not refunding the giver's account. Send your family member a note thanking her and leave it at that.

Miss Manners has to admit that she would relish knowing what this person hoped to find out, but respectfully defers to your lack of interest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to recline in a recliner while entertaining guests in one's home?

My husband leans back in his recliner or sprawls on an easy chair with an ottoman. I find it very rude and unattractive and think a person should sit upright (although I don't object to feet on an ottoman) when conversing with others in a formal or semi-formal setting. I can't help but think that a person would not sit this way in a job interview, although entertaining at home is quite different.

GENTLE READER: Yes it is. In a job interview setting, there is a distinct and necessary gap in status. But there is also a degree of formality, and an interviewer would not properly recline in deference to that. If one did, the interviewee would still not respond in kind because it would show disrespect.

When entertaining, however, a polite host wants to make his guests equally comfortable and shouldn't partake in anything that he can't reasonably offer them (unless it is by medical necessity). If there are not enough recliners for everyone, your husband should not indulge. However, do not blame Miss Manners if your husband comes home with an slouchy couch under the guise of being a better host.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)