DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would one interpret an invitation that states, "This is an adult-oriented event. Chaperoned children are welcome"?

GENTLE READER: "We really don't want children at the party, but if you bring them anyway, they'd better not be loud or break anything."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take the train to New York City to work and the ride is approximately an hour. Yesterday a man sitting next to me played with a bunch of coins the entire time -- moving them from one hand to the other, making an annoying noise.

Because the train ride is relatively short and I don't feel it's my place to ask others to stop, I said nothing. But if the train ride were, say, two hours, I would have lost my mind if I hadn't asked him to stop. Does the duration of the infraction affect how impolite it would be for me to ask the man to stop?

GENTLE READER: No, only if your mounting irritation might make your reaction uncivil. If you find the noise unbearable, try gently warning the gentleman that especially in New York it's never a good idea to draw attention to one's money. If he's a true New Yorker, he will be so wounded by the insinuation that he is not a native that Miss Manners trusts he will be silenced into submission by the shock.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My younger brother is half-African American. His fair wife is Anglo-Irish. They have three small sons, all blond and blue-eyed.

My brother takes them out on Saturday mornings so his wife can sleep in, and as no good deed goes unpunished, on these outings he is often accosted by strangers demanding to know the parentage of the children and denying they could possibly be his. He is usually quite patient and good-natured, but occasionally the queries become vehemently accusatory, as if he is suspected of abducting the wee laddies and nefariously nannying them in the coffeehouse, grocery store or park.

One never wishes to be rude, and so one turns to Miss Manners, to seek an effective rebuff.

GENTLE READER: If these inquiries are becoming attacks, your brother would be more than justified to say, "I'm sorry, but you are upsetting my children" as he changes seats or hurries the little ones off in another direction. This should make it obvious that it is the accusers, and not he, who is the real threat to his children's well-being.

As a side note, Miss Manners can't help but caution you against the mindset that refers to a fatherly outing as a "good deed." A parent does not baby-sit his own children, but one who thinks he does could well lead others to suspicions of his being a stranger to them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel intimidated and insulted (perhaps assaulted) by everyone and their cameras.

Everywhere I go lately, everybody is taking pictures with their cameras and phones. It's a constant barrage, and then, "Look! Look! How do you like this one? HAHAHA! Let's do it again. Oh, now it's my turn." On and on and on.

I am not crazy about having my picture taken to begin with. And now there is the concern about what they are going to do with it. I don't want to end up on someone's social media page.

How can I tell people politely that I feel like they are compromising my privacy and ruining a good time? I feel totally all right with the old practice of a picture or photo from time to time. It is just this barrage of "candid" shots that makes me want to hide out!

GENTLE READER: Reasonable as your point is, it is unlikely to be taken well. Either you will yourself be accused of ruining a good time, or the image of you scowling disapprovingly as you lecture the photographer will turn out to be just the candid snapshot the offender was hoping for.

Better to render the photograph itself uninteresting. Miss Manners recommends a bored smile accompanied by turning away to notice something off in the distance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do the parents do when their daughter gets engaged?

GENTLE READER: Some dance in the streets; others try to lock her in her room.

Miss Manners advises a short rest period following either activity before entering into discussions comparing the couple's idea of a perfect wedding with the parents'.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was saddened to read a newspaper article in which a pregnant lady attempted to get a seat in the subway and failed a number of times, despite seats being reserved for this purpose (and for seniors, people with disabilities, etc.)

This is certainly unfortunate, but I can't help but think that there may be an additional explanation besides just lack of courtesy. After all, there's a competing social norm that prohibits one from inferring a stranger's pregnancy. Imagine the embarrassment of attempting to give up one of the reserved seats to a lady, only to have her tell you she's not pregnant!

Could there be another solution? Perhaps if the pregnant ladies made some obvious gesture such as putting one hand maternally on their belly while trying to catch someone's eye? I think that would make it much easier for the polite among us to give up our seats without fear. However, I don't want to add to, as it were, the burden.

GENTLE READER: As the lady in question may need both hands to hold on in a moving subway car, let us not add to her burden with unnecessary gesturing.

Stand and ask her if she would like your seat. If she does not want or need it, Miss Manners hopes she will politely decline. If she responds rudely ("What makes you think I need it?") you need only re-seat yourself and continue your journey.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have moved to a small town in a popular wine-growing region, and our next-door neighbor is a well-known winemaker. We invited him and his wife over for dinner, and I shared a bottle of one of my favorite (and not inexpensive) wines that I have been collecting for years.

It was delicious, but he drank only a few sips and went into the kitchen and poured his almost-full glass down the drain right in front of me!

Another time, I brought to his house a well-regarded, expensive wine that I had hand-carried back from a visit to a winery in South Africa. He hardly tasted it, and after dinner I took the open bottle back home rather than have him dump this one too.

We may have different tastes in wine, but I'm thinking that I should not waste my generosity and hospitality on this boor. I should add that he and his wife are often loud and drunk. Am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Well, if you really need Miss Manners to tell you that your neighbors are not ideal drinking companions, she cannot say that your reactions are sharp. Nor are your neighbors' reactions likely to be, if they are in the habit of over-sampling their product.

You cannot decrease the geographical proximity of your neighbors, but you can increase the social distance. Reducing it to an occasional wave from across the fence should be about right. But first you will have to let go of the idea of impressing them with your knowledge of wine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I underwent a breast augmentation surgery during the summer, when I was off work anyway for holidays, so I didn't need to explain to any co-workers why I wasn't at work. Some friends and family were aware before, but otherwise I consider it a completely private matter.

I'm surprised to find how many acquaintances and co-workers have asked me about my breasts. (It was a modest increase and I dress very modestly as well ... although even if I didn't, I don't think that would excuse them from asking.)

Is there some way I can save face in front of people when they ask me if I'm on a new birth control, wearing a new bra or if I've had surgery? I don't want to lie, but I also feel like it's none of their business.

GENTLE READER: Really? You feel that the size of your breasts is none of your co-workers' business?

In that case, Miss Manners would expect you to have a bit more conviction about rebuffing these inquiries. They do not arise from compassionate concern about your health. They are lewd, as well as nosy, and the correct response is nothing more than a frosty "I beg your pardon!" followed by a silent stare. Far from being meant literally, those words are an indication that the questioners should beg yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)