DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I were invited to a friend's dinner party, I replied that I did not think we could arrive in time for dinner, due to a work commitment with a specific end-time, but that we could arrive after dinner if that would be OK.

The host then let me know she was frustrated that I seemed unwilling to accommodate her invitation by hurrying to get ready and getting on the road in order to arrive on time. (The travel time alone would be about 45 minutes, depending on traffic.)

Was I incorrect in replying that way? What would have been the most polite way to reply?

GENTLE READER: An invitation is not an opening bid in a negotiation. You were invited to dinner, and the correct reply was that you are very sorry, but you are unable to attend due to a prior professional engagement.

Only then would you have Miss Manners' permission to add that the conflicting engagement would prevent you from arriving before dessert. This gives your host the opportunity to amend her invitation to an after-dinner arrival, but without requiring her to do so. It would also avoid an unseemly discussion about whether your driving shows sufficient determination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been invited to a wedding and do not know the couple. We are unable to attend. Should we still send a gift or money? It is an awkward situation.

GENTLE READER: It is only awkward if you believe that strangers will be devastated to think that you don't care enough about them. Even if you did know them, Miss Manners assures you that good wishes are all you are required to send with your prompt and polite response declining the invitation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: New neighbors, who have yet to move into their new home, have been to the house twice, feeling free to invite themselves into our yard where my children and their friends are playing.

While I am not opposed to allowing their children in our yard, we do enjoy our family time with either just my family and/or our immediate family or close friends. As a corner lot, our home is a gathering point for children, but we feel we are being taken advantage of.

I was offended when I came out of my home after dinner to find several children whom I do not know in my driveway. I feel this has got to get under control before it becomes a habit. While I do not want to offend others, we are obviously closer to some of our neighbors than others. I'm looking for the right words.

GENTLE READER: Return the offending children to their prospective home, and greet the parents with a worried look. "Oh, thank goodness we found you," you should declare breathlessly. "We weren't sure you knew that your children had wandered off."

Repeat as necessary until the parents do what they should have done in the first place, namely, ask. You can then say how much you look forward to your families' getting to know one another in due course.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that, in professional correspondence, it is common to sign a letter or email with "Yours truly" or "Sincerely yours." These sign-offs have always struck me as oddly intimate, even romantic, so I use "Best regards."

Since those closings are used so commonly, I assume that I am probably misunderstanding the meaning of the phrases. What is the origin of these phrases, and are they to be considered intimate or formal?

GENTLE READER: How odd -- Miss Manners has been noticing the opposite. Even in business correspondence, she is now seeing breezy substitutions for the conventional salutation ("Hi!") and closing ("Best," sometimes with "wishes" or "regards" but more often alone).

In part, this comes from the Faux Friendliness phenomenon: the notion that the only polite attitude is that of friendship, even in situations where friendship does not exist or, in the case of strangers, could not exist.

But it also arises, as in your case, from unfamiliarity with conventional phrases, and the resulting habit of guessing at their meaning.

It is not unreasonable to suppose that declaring oneself "yours" indicates an emotional attachment, but it happens that the opposite is true. "Yours truly" is the most businesslike sign-off, even when "very" is thrown in, and "Sincerely yours" is the formal closing for social correspondence when the writer is not inspired to offer something in the range from "Affectionately yours" to "Love and kisses." Similarly, "Dear" is the conventional salutation, by no means indicating that the correspondent holds that person dear.

These phrases, with variations, go back at least as far as the Renaissance, and seem to have been intended both as reassurance that the writer is who he claims to be and is making honest statements, and as flattery, that timeless way of getting someone's attention.

Miss Manners understands that conventions change over time. It would be startling, nowadays, to receive a letter signed by "Your most humble and obedient servant," although in its time, that suggested neither humility nor obedience nor servitude.

But she regrets seeing the use of widely understood phrases disappearing in favor of individual interpretations. They save so much time, worry, misunderstanding and tedium.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a state hospital where we receive lots of prisoners from the state Department of Corrections facilities. For this reason I, as well as other employees and visitors, frequently run into prisoners as they are being escorted to their varying destinations.

It has become a big debate in my office on what is the appropriate way to handle this situation. Do you ignore them as if they were not there, or do you acknowledge their presence with a polite "Hi"? My office is split down the middle and needs your official opinion.

GENTLE READER: It is Miss Manners' understanding that hospitals are dedicated to helping all people, without prioritizing them according to their moral worth. She hopes that you will apply this principle to the way you treat them as human beings. If you customarily greet patients and visitors in the hallways, you should do so to them all.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am pregnant and would like to throw a gender-reveal party, but I worry that this party might be construed as a rude attempt for gifts. I don't want any gifts; this isn't a baby shower, nor am I expecting one.

I just want to share the joy with family and friends, provide food and games. But would the whole idea still be considered tacky?

GENTLE READER: Yes.

Believing that you simply want to share the news, Miss Manners hates to be a wet blanket (in a gender-neutral color, of course). But she feels compelled to tell you something that will save you time and friendships in the future that is about to become yours:

Not everyone is as excited as you are about every detail of your child's life, let alone the pre-life. It is best to know this now, before you start going on social media announcing baby's first spit-up or throwing parties for when he or she sleeps through the night.

The particular new ritual you mention -- and there really isn't a correct term for this made-up event -- is farcical. Cakes are cut to reveal pink or blue insides, bets are taken and teams are formed.

An acquaintance of Miss Manners' who attended such an event said that the mother-to-be was so distraught when she didn't get the gender she wanted that she started blaming the guests for jinxing it. It is no wonder that guests assume that a present is required as the price of admission to these absurd theatrics.

The fact is that you will actually get more profound and prolonged joy if you reveal (or "identify") the gender (or "sex") one by one to individuals who you think might genuinely be excited by the news. Gathering around waiting to hear and celebrate the announcement of one of only two possible choices is not a party-worthy event -- and it is simply not dignified. There will be plenty of parties in your future filled with games and silly cakes. Save the fun for then.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who is marrying for the third time and is going to do a bridal registry. Her future husband is 81 (she is 73) and very, very wealthy.

They will have two homes -- a condo on the beach and the primary residence. She says that they need new pots and pans for the condo, as she thinks his are too old.

She has never been wealthy but has lived well. Also, any friends she invites will not be permitted to bring a spouse, fiance, etc. They are having a brunch.

This attitude doesn't feel appropriate. Please let me know if I am seeing it wrong.

GENTLE READER: Do you really have any trouble seeing through it?

If so, Miss Manners is sorry to be the one to tell you that your dear friend is more interested in pots than people.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)