DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to type Rsvp on an invite: R.S.V.P. or Rsvp or RSVP?

GENTLE READER: Would you consider not typing any of them?

It is not only that Miss Manners doesn't think it gracious to type invitations. And while R.s.v.p. is her first choice because it stands for a sentence, the French polite command, "Repondez s'il vous plait," R.S.V.P. will also do.

But it is amazing how often this is disobeyed. Social scofflaws are more common and more brazen than ever. Gentle Readers report that confronting them no longer produces shame, but rather such insultingly dismissive replies as "I haven't decided yet" or "Well, I'll think about it." (The response to that should be, "Well, it must be a busy time for you, so I'm afraid we'll have to do without you" -- followed by permanent exile from your guest list.)

The widespread rudeness of treating an invitation as if it were an unwanted sales pitch is not why Miss Manners is about to propose an alternative to using R.s.v.p. The rude will be rude anyway, and she does not reward them by abolishing the rules they flout. That would be like dealing with a crime wave by deciding that there is no use having a law against robbery if people are going to commit it anyway.

Rather, she keeps hearing from those who are not clear about what it means.

They know it has something to do with replying to the invitations that carry this notation, and indeed, "R.s.v.p." is now used in English as a noun ("We sent in the R.S.V.P."), an adjective ("We ordered RSVP cards") and a verb ("We RSVP'ed").

But what, exactly?

Some Gentle Readers are guessing that it means answering only if you are accepting the invitation, and others that it means the same as that awkward phrase "Regrets only" (which casts the host as assuming that those who decline feel regret, when they may not). A few believe that it requires an answer only if the invitation is to a formal event. And an alarming number believe that it means that you may bring along as many other people as you like.

Then there are those who translate the French term for "please" literally, as "if you please," and therefore claim that they have a choice.

No, they don't. In a better world, no one would have to be urged to answer any invitation (well, perhaps not an "invitation" to buy something), no matter how significant the occasion. If a colleague asks if you want to go for a cup of coffee, do you just stare back and say nothing?

Miss Manners would like to repeat her long-standing plea that we stop using a foreign phrase and put the request in plain English. The traditional wording is "The favor of a reply is requested." As a concession to anyone who can't bear to give up the idea of foreign glamour, she would even overlook using the British spelling, "favour."

But why not use "Please respond"? Is there anyone who doesn't understand that?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does a person ask to use the homeowner's bathroom, powder room or restroom, when visiting their home?

GENTLE READER: If so, it is a rhetorical question, as hosts would refuse at their own peril. But Miss Manners does not consider it cheeky to assume consent and merely ask where the bathroom is located.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my mid-50s and one of my sisters is in her early 60s. She recently emailed me an invitation to her "wedding" to her female partner. They have lived together for about 19 years.

I have no intention of attending. My quandary is how to decline the invitation. I want to be honest. I want to be polite. I see no way to be politely honest.

If I try to be polite and lie, then wouldn't good manners require me to send a gift? I don't see how I can be honest and not upset her. Should I just ignore the email and remain silent and ignore the invitation?

GENTLE READER: If you are so concerned with being honest, why aren't you frank about asking Miss Manners how to use your sister's wedding invitation to insult her and her fiancee without getting caught?

A wedding invitation is not a referendum on the marriage. The only thing it requires you to say honestly is whether you plan to attend. There is no excuse for ignoring it or replying rudely. Miss Manners assures you that if your sister does not already know that you disapprove of her marriage, your absence will make that clear. And no, you needn't send a present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a woman who is pregnant with my first child and due in a few days, I am curious if there are guidelines in place for relatives respecting one's privacy during delivery.

For the past several days now, I have received a constant stream of texts, emails and phone calls from family members wanting to know if "anything had happened."

While I understand their curiosity is well-intentioned, it has become a bit invasive. If I do not immediately respond to a text message, I am bombarded with phone calls wondering if I am in labor. If I were in labor, do these relatives expect me to stop pushing and answer their call?

My husband and I have told them several times we will certainly call them once our son is born. Is this not acceptable? Has modern technology ruined the privacy expectant parents so desperately need?

Before the dawn of cellphones I highly doubt the hospital would patch a call through to a delivery room while mom was in the process of giving birth ... so I ask, what is the proper etiquette for letting family know that baby has arrived?

GENTLE READER: Actually, they know that the baby has not yet been born, and that they will hear when it happens. This is their way of showing interest -- which doesn't make it any less exasperating for you.

A pregnant lady of Miss Manners' acquaintance complained tearfully to her husband that people kept coming up to her and saying, "Haven't you had that baby YET?" He made her a small placard with a pretty picture of an apple tree and the words, "When the apple is ripe, it will fall from the tree."

On the other side, which she would then turn, it said, "So please be patient."

Well, no, truthfully it said, "So shut up," but Miss Manners cannot bring herself to recommend that when she offers it to you as a rote response for return messages.

As for the delivery room, she suggests that you not bring your cellphone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an aspiring street magician. I have very much enjoyed the idea of public performance since I was very young. However, I must admit I am a socially awkward individual at times, due in part to being overly cautious of social niceties.

Once I have taken to performing on the streets, how would you recommend I approach potential observers, if at all? I simply must know!

GENTLE READER: That is not a calling for the timid, Miss Manners would think, nor for anyone who is easily discouraged. Yet it could bring you the satisfaction of seeing that your talents have brought a bit of brightness to others.

There is a great deal of competition out there, although not exactly from people who want to entertain. Others who are selling, begging or recruiting for a cause may be competing for the attention of passers-by -- many of whom have learned to plow through the streets with their heads down to avoid being targeted.

So beyond meeting whatever requirements and restrictions your city has in order to permit you to perform in public, you must appear to be giving, rather than asking. Miss Manners would think that if you perform your tricks as if you are having a merry time simply amusing yourself, and yet shoot a mischievous smile at anyone who turns your way, you will capture their attention through charm.

But then, perhaps you should ask a professional. Miss Manners has never worked the streets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband died of lung cancer last September. He was 55 and very healthy until the cancer took over; he died 11 months later. My problem is with people who hear what my husband died of and then shout out how many years they have been cancer-free, totally ignoring my loss to talk about their victory.

I know ex-patients are encouraged to talk about their survival, but it's galling to be subjected to it over and over. What can I say to make them understand their rants about their success hurt without my being rude?

GENTLE READER: Do those who encourage ex-patients to talk about their survival -- or who follow such advice -- consider taking other people's feelings into account? Apparently not, among the people you have unfortunately encountered.

Miss Manners trusts that you would not be so cruel as to tell them about people who had recurrences of cancer after as many years, much as they have invited such talk. Rather, she suggests that you say tersely, "Congratulations. My husband was not so fortunate."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I recently became engaged. It is the first marriage for me at age 48. In thinking over a guest list, which I would like to remain intimate, I realize that many of my close female friends have boyfriends or husbands I have rarely or never met. Am I obligated to invite these partners to the wedding?

GENTLE READER: Only if you also omit the bridegroom, on the grounds that people who have rarely or never met him would not care to be in his company just because you happen to be marrying him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)