DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week my family and I attended a concert at an outdoor venue -- the kind of place where you dress casually and set up your beach chairs or blankets on a grassy area in front of the stage.

Sitting near us were three young adults on a blanket. They talked through the entire concert, and I could hear their conversation over the music.

I said nothing at first, thinking they would eventually quiet down and listen to the band play. But after about 10 songs, I couldn't take it anymore. I approached the young lady who was the loudest of the group, knelt down so I was face-to-face with her, and said, "I can hear you over the music. Please keep your voice down."

She said yes, I thanked her and returned to my seat. I did not yell or use foul language, nor did I use a nasty tone, though my voice was firm.

At the end of the concert, the young lady came to me and apologized profusely for her behavior. Specifically she said, "While your style of communication could use some improvement, I am truly sorry we ruined your concert experience." This comment was followed by more apologies from her.

I managed to choke out something resembling "apology accepted, no more worries, safe ride home, blah, blah, blah," but in truth I was startled by her comment about my communication style.

Yes, this was a casual outdoor event. We weren't in a concert hall. Some talking and movement were allowed, even acceptable. But it was still a concert. People paid good money to hear a favorite band perform.

What did she expect me to do? I did not yell at her. I said "please" and "thank you." And given that I had to speak over a rock band's performance, I could hardly whisper my request to her.

GENTLE READER: Galling as it may be, requests such as these are properly made in an apologetic manner: "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that we can hear you over the music." The idea is supposed to be that you know that the rudeness was unintentional and are assuming that the offender would wish to know its effect.

Miss Manners did not quite pick up that face-saving approach from your report. She gathers that the young lady was trying to supply that herself, by returning the criticism.

This was not quite nice, but still, she did quiet down and she did apologize. Let's call that problem solved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a child and young man, I was advised by my late mother that a gentleman should always carry a handkerchief, which I continue to do to this day, in my 60s. A good friend of mine, a distinguished young man in the community, scoffs at such a notion and says no one does that anymore.

I fear he might be right. I often see male dining companions blowing their noses on restaurant napkins and leaving them for restaurant staff to attend. Having waited on tables in my youth, I find this disgusting.

Perhaps you have some kind advice about the use or non-use of handkerchiefs in modern times.

GENTLE READER: Carry them, use them, and leave the napkins alone. Presumably, your young adviser was referring to the use of paper tissues, and not cloth napkins, in place of handkerchiefs. Still, he is less of an authority on modern etiquette than your late mother remains.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered rude to dress in weather-appropriate shorts and T-shirts if doing so reveals scars that are obviously self-inflicted?

My hard times are long behind me, and the scars are all faded and white, although they'll always be pretty obvious. For many summers, I've tolerated the discomfort of wearing long pants and sleeves through the heat waves, and I'm tired of (falsely) insisting to well-meaning people that, no, I'm not too hot in these clothes.

I'm aware that if I wear clothing that makes the scars visible, I'll get even more questions and looks from (less well-meaning) people. I don't want to burden anyone with troubles from my past, but I'm tired of roasting through summers.

Would it be improper of me to wear clothing that exposes my arms or legs on a hot day? What is a polite way to deal with stares and questions, whether about scars or excessive clothing in high temperatures?

GENTLE READER: As you are already spending summers dodging annoying questions, you should at least make yourself comfortable.

Many factors determine proper dress: the season, the weather, the occasion; national, regional and social customs; the prevailing symbolism, and so on. However, Miss Manners is outraged at demands that disfigurement or heavy weight or signs of age should prevent people from wearing bathing suits or other revealing but respectable clothing in the proper context.

Of course it is not rude of you to wear short-sleeved shirts and shorts under informal circumstances. It is rude of others to stare and ask questions.

But you know they will. You need reply nothing more than, "You're kind to worry about me, but I'm fine. These are very old scars."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I had encountered some financial difficulties that we solved by selling our primary home, which had a mortgage, and moving to our vacation home, which does not.

The children and I reside full time in this home now, and my husband works in our old town during the week, which is three hours away. Weekends are the only time we have as a family.

At least twice a month, more in the summer, we are invited by friends -- his, mine or both -- to attend parties or events in our old town. As much as I love my family and friends, the six-hour round-trip drive, the tank of gas and disruption to our time together make these invitations irritating to have to decline.

"Oh, you can come this one time," seems to be the mantra. This is still going on after two years. Should I say something, or simply pray people get the hint?

GENTLE READER: Is it really that annoying to know that your friends still miss you and want to see you?

Apparently it is. Otherwise, Miss Manners would think you might invite them to visit you, or go into town with your husband one day and meet them for dinner. You needn't sacrifice your weekends to keep from sacrificing those friendships.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 16, and I fell hard for a guy I like -- I mean, harder than anyone.

I remember the first time I met him. It was two years ago, and he was just sitting there, imperfect and with braces, exactly like me. I've never felt this way about anyone.

I've had a lot of problems in life and relationships, and we always talked about them. He told me he would always be there for me if I ever needed him.

So about two weeks ago, after a play he and I were in, we were outside, and I told him I liked him a lot. He said it's not that he doesn't like me, he just wasn't ready for a relationship.

So I brought up two girls I thought he liked, and he said "kinda" to both of them. After that, he said nothing's going to happen because they are both two years older than him.

So exactly four days after that, he started hanging out with one of the girls he "kinda" liked. He gave her his coat, they talk everywhere and every day, they hug -- and to make it worse he faces me and the girl when he talks to her.

He knows how much I like him. So finally today I asked him what's going on. He told me that he and the girl are going out to see a movie, and then he's going ask her to be his girlfriend.

So two weeks ago he wasn't ready for a relationship, but now he's ready for one with a different girl. I know there's more fish in the sea, but I feel like we're meant to be. I mean, we used to get along so good and flirt.

I love him. I know love is a strong word, but it's true. My two friends are coming over this week to cheer me up and have a girls' night, so should we go to the movie theater and stalk him and the girl, or what's your advice?

GENTLE READER: Read Edna St. Vincent Millay. That is Miss Manners' advice.

Oh, yes, and stay away from that theater and from that couple. If you think that heartbreak is painful now, it would be nothing in comparison to what you would feel if you sacrificed your dignity and made a public scene. Or a private one, for that matter.

Furthermore, you would be killing any possible chance that in the future, the object of your love might turn to you if something goes wrong with the current romance, as is often the case.

Only a bland demeanor that hides your feelings and suggests that you never felt more than friendship will preserve your self-respect, and perhaps the possibility of a future connection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does "after 5 attire" mean in Florida in the summer?

GENTLE READER: Pajamas?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)