DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband recently passed away and my youngest child will be going off to college in the fall. What do I say to all the people (and there are many) who tell me, "Pretty soon you'll be all alone"?

Would it be rude to say, "Thank you for reminding me," or must I lie and say I'm looking forward to the empty nest, so as not to hurt their feelings?

GENTLE READER: Well, their feelings are not especially delicate, are they?

Still, Miss Manners does not care for either of the responses you suggest. The first is not only rude, but pathetic, and the second is insulting to your child. Many parents do crow about their children leaving, whether defensively or genuinely, but it speaks badly of their family bonds.

She offers you a better choice. If you can bring it off with a somewhat derisive laugh, you could say: "Why, I'm not being abandoned, you know. My child is just going to college. We're both very excited about that."

Or you could just say coldly: "How kind of you to worry about me. Fortunately, I do have friends."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was contacted by someone telling me of the serious illness of a family member, an older person who was abusive to me when I was a child, and who has been destructive and thoughtless to me throughout my entire life.

The person who contacted me seems to be using this situation as a "guilt trip" -- in a continuing game of one-upmanship. They manipulate me into having to be nice to someone who has been cruel to me throughout my life.

I know I could be noble, send flowers and be kind, and forget my hurt. But at the moment, I am in the middle of an environmental disaster -- hit by storms from the big Midwestern tornado event, which destroyed some of my property and buildings of my home. I am still cleaning up and am in the midst of horrible work trying to recover from this natural disaster.

What does etiquette demand? Or rather, how can I best take care of myself at this horrible time, and not come across as rude to the family that is demanding my presence at the funeral of a person who was hateful to me when I was a child, bizarre and thoughtless when I was a teenager, and committed another cruel gesture toward me as an adult (that one was really off the charts, in terms of viciousness and just plain blind thoughtlessness)?

GENTLE READER: As far as Miss Manners can tell, your relatives have not succeeded in making you feel guilty. You seem quite clear about not honoring someone who was dishonorable to you. So the etiquette question is how best to handle their pressure.

Ordinarily, you would be forced to say, probably repeatedly, "I am sorry, but I cannot go. He (or she) would know the reasons" (reasons which you would decline to discuss).

But if ever there was a silver lining to a disaster, it is the ironclad excuse it gave you. "I don't know if you are aware of how badly the tornado affected me," you should say, as they do not seem to have made sympathetic allowance for that, "but I can't possibly leave at this time."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have received many thank-you notes for baby gifts from the baby itself, even before the baby has been born, and certainly before the baby is able to comprehend a gift or properly thank people for their generosity.

As I am about to give birth to our first child, I was curious about etiquette when receiving gifts "for" the child, but, if we are all honest, are really for the parents. Should the thank-you note come from the baby or the parents?

GENTLE READER: Strict as she is about handwritten letters of thanks, Miss Manners is willing to excuse newborns who delegate this task. However, they should be careful to choose scriveners who have a sense of what is appropriate to whom.

Family members and other new parents are the most likely to be enchanted by -- or at least not disdainful of -- letters that purport to be written by infants. People who are not closely related to babies at the moment tend to be less charmed, sometimes to the point of claiming nausea. But you know the individuals and should gauge your letters accordingly.

That the baby has not registered -- or at least not voiced -- appreciation should not stop you from citing him or her in your letter: "Tabitha adores the little lamb you gave her" or, "Everett looks incredibly cute in his sailor suit."

Hang on just a few more years, and you will only have to nag your child to write his or her own letters.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I dislike my in-laws for many reasons, but I struggle with one issue because I think my bias clouds my judgment.

They live two hours away from my husband and our two children, and like to visit frequently (every four to six weeks), often staying for two nights or so. They are very much set in their ways. They drink a particular kind of soda and must bring it with them. They also bring their own cereal and sometimes other snacks and food.

My pantry is not barren. We have other drinks in the refrigerator. We have a wide variety of food.

As a hostess, do I have the duty to stock our refrigerator and pantry with the foods they like? My instinct is to be upset because what we have isn't good enough, but I do not know if that is because of my bias.

GENTLE READER: It is because of your bias.

Actually, Miss Manners understands what a strain it must be to have frequent houseguests whom you dislike for whatever reasons. As you suspect, that makes their every little move irritating in a way that might not affect you from people you like.

But that does not excuse you from being gracious to your guests. Knowing their modest preferences and yet refusing to stock them is just mean. These visits will be more bearable for you if you do not hunt for more ways to justify your dislike.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate delay between the time one arrives at a friend's home and asking for their WiFi password?

GENTLE READER: It is considered polite to say hello first.

If you are a houseguest, you may ask during orientation -- right after you have been told where the coffee is in case you get up early, and how many times you need to jiggle the handle on the toilet to get it to work.

But if you are there for a meal or other short visit, Miss Manners wonders why you need to know. Oh -- you are expecting an emergency? Then why are you gadding about, instead of preparing for it?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am troubled as to how I can formally "inform" friends of my sister about my upcoming wedding without specifically inviting them to attend the actual ceremony -- just as an FYI, in hopes to receive a gift.

I know that the intent should not be only to receive a gift; however, my sister (who is much older than I) has friends whose children are my age, and my sister has given financially to their children for several years over the course of their lives for other events, such as graduations, school fundraisers, communions, showers, etc.

I, personally, do not have a relationship with my sister's friends, but they know of me and have met me on limited occasions. Is there a "polite" way in which to accomplish an "information only" invitation?

As an added note, the wedding is located out of state, and more than likely most of her friends may not expend the cost to attend.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, duty requires Miss Manners to inform you that there is such a thing as a wedding announcement, which is sent immediately after the marriage takes place, its purpose being to inform people who may (or in your case may not) be pleased simply to hear of the marriage.

Happily, duty also enables Miss Manners to keep telling people that wedding announcements, and, for that matter, invitations that are declined, do not require sending presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have to sit through quite a few recitals/concerts/performances of my children and their peers during the school year. Sometimes I will bring something to keep me busy before and, yes, sometimes during these performances (usually a crossword puzzle).

I take great pains to make sure this is done as unobtrusively as possible (no crinkling of papers, etc.). In fact, other than the people directly behind me or on my side, I am quite confident no one even knows I am doing this. Plus, I always make it a point to applaud when appropriate and pay attention to what is happening on the stage. Is this considered rude or not?

GENTLE READER: It is true that etiquette, unlike law, ignores victimless infractions of its rules. If, indeed, no one knows the lengths to which boredom drives you, Miss Manners would not call it rude.

However, she regrets to tell you that the lady sitting next to you is the aunt of the child performing, and the gentleman behind you is the grandfather. She therefore recommends passing the time woolgathering like everyone else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)