DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a growing stack of invitations to the high school graduation parties of our friends' children. As we have children of this age, we are well aware of the practice that has taken over in recent years of nearly every family hosting a graduation party for their child during the early weeks of summer.

The result: dozens of parties per day, at times, for the graduating class of this one school (families at all schools in our area have the same practice), with party-time slots filled many times over.

I have heard many of the students and their parents speak about the amount of money "raised" at these parties, and it seems to be the main driver in having a party, which I find extremely distasteful. It has become an exchange of a hotdog for a check.

None of our children had high school graduation parties for this reason -- I don't want to invite people to my home and have one hand extended with the expectation of receiving a check in exchange for our hospitality. My daughters' friends are telling her she's crazy not to have a party, as she'll miss out on all the cash.

Please note that nearly all of the students are going on to college, so this isn't the only achievement expected in their lives.

While I'm all for congratulating the students, I don't know how to handle the "gift" situation. We are of limited means and are already scrambling to help our kids with college tuition.

I'm sure you'll say to decline the invitations if we don't want to write dozens of checks, but I feel as if we'll be slighting some of our closer friends who expect us to come to their parties. Any advice on how to handle what we see as a money-grab by our somewhat misguided friends?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it requires you to do two things you wanted to avoid: skipping others' parties and giving one of your own.

The difference will be that your party will not be for your daughter alone, but explicitly for the senior class -- the entire class, if that is a reasonable number, or at least for those members who are friends of your daughter's or children of your friends.

That would be such a show of goodwill that your declining others' invitations will not be held against you. Besides, your friends will be too busy worrying whether presents for everyone are expected (and if asked, you can reassure them that no, this party is just for fun).

Mindful of your plea of limited means, Miss Manners excuses you from inviting the parents, on the grounds of not subjecting them to a teenage party, which is the nice way of saying that the teenagers will have more fun without them. That means that you won't be serving liquor and sophisticated food. It should be a lot cheaper than those checks you might have written.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are great-aunts and great-uncles supposed to respond to high school graduation announcements?

GENTLE READER: Everybody who receives a graduation (or wedding or birth) announcement should respond with congratulations and good wishes. Miss Manners hopes you are not mistaking announcements for bills.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As my son is attending his very first formal, I realize that I am unaware of the rule of dress for this occasion. For example, isn't my son's tie supposed to coordinate with his date's dress? What style of suit is appropriate?

GENTLE READER: Well, there are rules, and then there are rules. You could use Miss Manners' rules for gentlemen's evening dress, which are strict about black ties being black ties, no funny business allowed. This might teach him to respect dignity -- or it could traumatize him as violating high school custom.

A compromise might be in order. Ask him to inquire about what is expected -- first from the sponsors of the dance, and then from his peers. The sponsors will know whether the boys customarily rent formal evening clothes or wear suits. Your son's female peers can tell him about his date's expectations in the way of flowers and coordinated ties.

Just don't encourage him to ask his male peers. Teenage boys like to think they are satirizing formality, when they don't actually know what formality is.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A male friend who, to the best of my knowledge, was not led on in any way to believe I had feelings beyond friendship for him, proposed to me on Valentine's Day. I was completely blown out of the water.

I said: "I am your friend and do not feel anything else for you. I can't accept your proposal, but I hope we can continue to be friends." He agreed, but has not contacted me since.

I figure he needs time to come around, but my sister says that I was cruel in how I declined. Is there a proper way to turn down a proposal with minimal bruised feelings?

GENTLE READER: There is only one response to a marriage proposal that is not thought cruel by the proposer: "Yes."

Of course it is galling to be offered friendship when one had hoped to inspire passionate love. However, Miss Manners can assure your sister that it is a great deal kinder than the popular alternative: explaining what it is about that person that failed to kindle romance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering if it is a new thing to send graduation announcements for children that have graduated two years ago, with an address to send the well wishes to?

I received an announcement about two children who have graduated college, one in 2010 and one in 2011, with the separate addresses to where we could send our well wishes. I did not think this was appropriate, but I'm not up on the new trends.

GENTLE READER: Is that what they learned in college -- that you can hand things in whenever you feel like it?

But Miss Manners would have flunked them on content, anyway. "New trend" or not, it is rude to solicit good wishes, even if we believe that that was what they had in mind.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The time for school graduation ceremonies is upon us again. Unfortunately, I've been witnessing that in recent years, polite applause and inward pride are steadily losing ground to ear-piercing whistles and hooting and hollering like banshees upon hearing a loved one's name read.

Some students have taken to unashamedly making assorted gestures intended to elicit additional outbursts from the audience. Moreover, they are being fully indulged by their friends and relatives.

Another growing practice is to laden graduates with innumerable flower leis, some apparently in competition for heaviest or most money spent. Such audacious draperies undermine the school's traditional colors, if not also making at least a few students merely wearing a cap and gown feel less appreciated.

Besides making what used to be dignified events uncomfortably loud for others around them, the excessive celebrants are drowning out the names of subsequent students filing past the podium. Effectively, they are stealing irreplaceable moments of joy from other families.

It's all so tasteless and rude. What might you suggest be done to bring decorum back to these increasingly unbecoming spectacles?

GENTLE READER: Well, the school principals are trying, as you may have noticed. If it weren't for all that noise, you would be able to hear them pleading for the applause to be withheld until all diplomas have been handed out.

It never works. The principals have lost whatever small authority they had left after college acceptances were received. Furthermore, they have little inclination to put a damper on a celebratory day.

Yet for some graduates, it does just that. Turning a mass celebration into a popularity contest might remind them how relieved they are to be leaving high school.

If Miss Manners were in charge of such a ceremony, she might say: "Now I realize that those of you who didn't expect to make it through high school will be tempted to let loose and holler when you receive your diplomas, and that your families may be so overcome with relief that they will chime in. But you did make it, and your diplomas are just as good as everyone else's. So I ask you to accept this honor with dignity, and not draw attention to how surprised you are."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our 7-year-old daughter was invited to a classmate's home birthday party, using the typical card invitation. Unfortunately, our daughter had confiscated the invitation, and we forgot all about it.

So, when she asked about going to the party, we had no gift, we had no plans to go, and worst of all, we missed the RSVP deadline. What is the etiquette for calling in a post-deadline RSVP? Worse than just showing up unannounced?

GENTLE READER: We have here a classic case of better late than never. This is the sort of thing Miss Manners expects you to be able to figure out by putting yourself in the other person's place. Would you rather have unexpected guests during the party, or an apology and answer beforehand?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)