DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a radiology imaging clinic. My supervisor has instructed all employees to be courteous with our patients and to try to encourage them to return for future testing.

I agree with him completely, but disagree with his method. He is sort of a folksy person who says to patients, "Come back and see us again" or "Hope to see you again" as they are leaving.

I told him I feel that sort of greeting is inappropriate, as many of our patients are seriously ill, and it seems like we are wishing them to have a future illness so we can get their business.

I prefer to say to them, "I hope you feel better" or "Have a nice day" as they leave. He says that will not encourage patients to return. Who is right?

GENTLE READER: Neither of you. "Have a nice day" isn't charming, either, to someone laden with bad news.

Miss Manners always cautions against interpreting conventional phrases literally, but even she once reached her limit. It was when she was departing from a funeral, walking toward the church's open doors where she could see her friend's casket being lifted into a hearse, and one of the church volunteers cheerily wished her a nice day.

Please issue a straightforward reminder ("Have you scheduled a checkup appointment?"), and then say a pleasant goodbye.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a luncheon/fashion show put on by a local charity organization. The invitation stated socializing at 11 a.m., luncheon at 12:00.

At the appointed hour, we all found our assigned seats and waited for the luncheon service to begin. Instead, the emcee took to the dais and made her opening remarks. She introduced the dignitaries in attendance, thanked all the donors for their generous contributions and described the fashions that would be shown. This took about 30 minutes.

At last, thought my table companions and I, the food would arrive. But no, the next items on the agenda were testimonials from individuals who had been helped by the charities, followed by a presentation of the donated items to be raffled during the meal.

The food service finally began at 1:30. Since the invitation had indicated lunch at 12:00, was I wrong to expect it to be served at or near that time? Is it acceptable for the meal service to begin an hour and a half after guests are seated?

GENTLE READER: Only to those who are not rattled when they find themselves talking to an audience of hungry people who are gnawing on their napkins.

Planners of such events are always afraid that people will leave after they have been fed, so schedule the obligatory announcements before the food. In addition, many people find public speaking nerve-wracking, which can make them focus on their own performances to the exclusion of considering how to treat the audience.

Any lengthy announcements could have been made during the social hour, when the guests would be able to fortify themselves with drinks and to look forward to a prompt lunch.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I introduced a very close young friend of mine to my sometime boyfriend (too long a story for here) some months ago. I had her go on a ship's tour in my place, as I was in the hospital recovering from surgery.

This was July 2012. Last Christmas I was invited by my "boyfriend" to his company party, and he also invited my young BFF. He asked me, and I said it would be a nice invitation for her. Then I went out of town for the holidays.

He contacted my BFF and invited her to a Christmas Eve dinner at a couple's home (his close friend) with other people. (I knew the husband and just met the wife prior.) I was fine with this.

Then, he invited her this week to a casual dinner at the same couple's home. They had invited my "boyfriend" and the lady who baby-sits for them and her adult son. But he didn't invite me. My BFF had to decline because she had to work in her dress shop that evening. He told her that he understood and would continue to invite her when he could.

Is it proper etiquette to invite someone who was introduced to the host/hostess and my sometime boyfriend (grown man, by the way) by me, knowing that the invitee is my BFF, without inviting me? Or even mentioning it to me?

GENTLE READER: Are you writing a country music song about this?

That strikes Miss Manners as the most suitable way of elucidating what it means to be a sometime boyfriend, and what he and a best friend forever owe the not-infrequently absent person who puts them together.

But you have asked only a far tamer question about the social obligation to include you at a dinner subsequent to the one to which you authorized sending your friend as a substitute. There is a rule that people who are introduced at a social event should include their hosts if they decide to meet again. But that doesn't quite apply to your case, as you sent them to functions together over several months. In addition, the gentleman might argue that he was merely reissuing an invitation that you approved but your friend was unable to accept.

None of this addresses the emotional undercurrents that are sloshing about beneath the social surface. Miss Manners is waiting for the song before she can do that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have recently been confronted by a serious and most unsettling situation within our extended family. A relative (first cousin) was sentenced to death years ago for a crime he committed. He will likely be executed soon.

I am very close to his grandparents who raised him. They are my aunt and uncle. What is the appropriate action to take in this unusual situation as far as an expression of sympathy? Are flowers and/or a card appropriate, or should no mention of the situation be made? I understand that there will be a small funeral.

GENTLE READER: Please treat this as you would any family funeral, attending, if you can, sending flowers, writing to express your sympathy. Miss Manners suspects that your aunt and uncle will receive little such support, making yours all the more necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do some people feel it necessary to lie to those they know and appear to love, while they are uncomfortable telling a little white lie to strangers?

Such was the case when a neighbor/friend organized a dinner party for her husband at a popular family-style restaurant for a total of eight dining guests. The neighbor/friend assured us she had a reservation.

However, when we arrived, we learned otherwise and had to wait close to an hour to be seated. The establishment refused her request, as you must have 12 in your party to qualify for a reservation.

Upon inquiry, the neighbor told us that she felt uncomfortable lying to the restaurant hostess, but felt we could find it in our hearts to forgive her.

I am confused by her behavior and believe this could have been handled with a little more thought, in either moving the event to another restaurant or adding four more guests. This is not the first time she has pulled this stunt, only the latest. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That indeed, there is such a double standard, particularly in regard to restaurants. Miss Manners hears about it in the peculiar confessions of people who panic about their lack of table manners when going to a restaurant -- with no thought for the relatives and friends whom they may have been disgusting for years.

Your friend has already explained the reasoning behind this: that lack of consideration toward one's own circle is permissible because one can probably get away with it. Not a charming attitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the protocol for wearing hats? Can they be worn at a wedding? May women wear them only indoors? How does one politely ask a family member to please remove a baseball cap during one's wedding ceremony?

GENTLE READER: During one's wedding ceremony?

Are you telling Miss Manners that rather than gazing into the eyes of your beloved and listening to the officiant explain what you are getting yourself into, you were checking out the guests?

It is true that the only proper hats for wedding guests are outrageous ones worn by ladies attending daytime ceremonies. Had you caught the offender on his way in, you might have enlisted an usher to say, "Sir, would you mind removing your hat," or appealed to your relative's wife, mother or child to snatch it from his head.

However, you cannot police your own wedding guests. So you might just as well concentrate your attention on the ceremony.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude for me to take home several pieces of candy from a dish at my girlfriend's dinner party without asking her permission to do so?

The candies were sitting out for anyone to eat. However, I didn't want to eat them there, so I took several to eat later. Is this considered tacky or rude?

GENTLE READER: To treat someone else's house as a free grocery store?

Refreshments of whatever kind are offered for guests to consume during their visits, not to allow them to stock up at the host's expense. Miss Manners would like also to bring this rule to the attention of guests who ask to take home leftovers from meals.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)