DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years ago, upon my return home from a year away, I happened upon a tall, handsome man at an afternoon picnic who looked very pleased that I had arrived and smiled at me. I did not encourage him.

After two sordid attempts to reconcile with my ex-husband, I realize that I would like to get to know the tall, handsome man a little better. As it would turn out, he's an acquaintance of my ex-husband. Does this mean he's off-limits forever?

Friends have suggested I ask him out. My philosophy has been that a woman should never ask out a man -- I believe that doing so may set a disappointing precedence for future dynamics. I've put my efforts the past year into becoming as healthy, fit and happy as I possibly can, as I am hoping to simply become irresistible.

Well, five men except he have pursued me. He still hasn't asked me out -- but he flashed me that smile again two weeks ago.

Now what? I believe I must keep focusing on my educational goals and health commitments, but really -- do I just keep hoping? I simply refuse to ask him out.

GENTLE READER: Refusing to initiate a date is not a philosophy, Miss Manners feels obliged to tell you. Stoicism, existentialism and sophistry are philosophies. Dating strategies are not.

Fortunately, mere tactics can be altered without the necessity of re-examining the meaning of life. As you seem to encounter this gentleman socially, see if you can turn those smiles into some sort of conversation. If you can get to an impersonal topic, you can then say, "I'd love to hear more about what you think, but I suppose this isn't the place for a prolonged conversation."

If he wants to pursue you, as you put it, he will make a suggestion. If not, it may be that he considers the former wife of a friend to be off-limits.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can anyone say "Happy Valentine's Day" to anyone else? Is this equivalent to "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year"? A man said it to my wife and me. To me? Gross?

GENTLE READER: It seems doubtful that he meant it as a declaration of love. Still, Miss Manners has been made aware that spreading holiday cheer to strangers does not always have the charming effect that is intended.

It is not just those who are saluted on religious holidays they do not observe. More than one childless Gentle Reader has reported feeling tearful when strangers wished a Happy Mother's Day that these ladies would have liked to have. And the brokenhearted would probably join you in resenting being urged to enjoy Valentine's Day.

Mind you, Miss Manners does not endorse suppressing holiday joy because it is not universally shared. She merely cautions that it is always risky to presume that one knows the circumstances of strangers. Holidays aside, people who go around calling out "Smile!" to others are a public menace.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father passed away a few years ago. To my nieces and nephews, he has always been referred to as "Grandpa." Last fall, my husband and I were blessed with the arrival of our first child. My mother-in-law refers to my father-in-law as "Grandpa."

This really hurts my feelings because I feel as though it is dismissing my dad's role. My dad may not ever be able to meet my son, but I look forward to telling him about my dad.

My husband says I'm being overly sensitive. Lately, I have tried to mention my dad in front of them using the name "Grandpa," but nothing has changed.

Who decides the names of grandparents? Would it be rude of me to ask them to choose another name?

GENTLE READER: It seems a bit late for Miss Manners to have to explain to you that all children have two grandfathers -- and, in these chaotic times, sometimes more. Attempting to trademark the term "grandpa" on behalf of your late father is not only futile, as you have discovered, but also insulting to your father-in-law.

That said, families do often find it convenient to distinguish between them by using different diminutives, or a relevant ethnic title, or a proper name appended to the title. First choice goes to the person to be addressed, subject to modification -- preferably endearing modification -- by the child when he begins to talk.

By all means, talk to your child of his maternal grandfather -- but not at the expense of attempting to distance his relationship with his paternal grandfather.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Maybe it's just me, but there is a trend among restaurant servers that I find a little off-putting. Instead of asking, "How is everything?" or "Can I get you anything else?" when checking on their customers, they ask, "How does everything taste?" This practice is so pervasive that I think it must have originated with restaurant owners.

The problem I have is that the restaurant experience involves more than just the taste of the food, and, frankly, I find the question a little creepy.

Do you know the origin of this question or the rationale behind it? Is it acceptable etiquette for servers to ask this, as opposed to asking a general question about the restaurant experience, or asking if the customers need anything else?

GENTLE READER: Can someone tell Miss Manners who serves as the national restaurant phrase-maker? Whoever it is does an astounding job of disseminating patter that annoys diners all over the country.

People who are eating, and perhaps trying to talk with one another, are constantly being asked, "Is everything all right?" and "How's everything so far?" and "Are you still working on that?" And now you have identified another pesky question.

Miss Manners' plea to restaurateurs: Stop instructing your staffs to intrude unnecessarily on your customers' enjoyment of food and company with these inane questions. Milking them for compliments is especially futile. Most people will murmur that everything is fine, even when it may not be, just to end the quiz.

Good service consists of remaining alert to the customers' needs, one of which is to dine in peace.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I must have been born about a hundred years too late, because I have always delighted in the specialized flatware that was so loved in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

I have recently secured a long-elusive prize in the form of eight ice-cream forks. Beyond a basic plate of ice cream (I assume that sorbet, gelato and sundaes are included), with what dishes can I properly use them? I rarely serve just ice cream, and when I serve pie or cake with ice cream, I have always set a dessert fork and dessert spoon at each place. But that was before I had these nifty little sporky things, which I am eager to use.

I realize that my question does not offer much in the way of great general interest or mass appeal, but it is a matter of intense concern for me, and I trust no one else to provide me with the correct answer.

GENTLE READER: If you insist upon a correct answer, Miss Manners is forced to say that ice-cream forks should be used only to eat ice cream. That is what specialized flatware is all about.

However, you surely know that she shares your fondness for it and wants to do better for you. Just please be good enough not to betray her to even sterner purists.

Ice cream forks are not the only table implements that combine a bowl with prongs. You could pass these off as terrapin forks.

What's that? Your guests don't want to eat a gelatinous mass embedded with turtle parts? Miss Manners will try again.

They could be used as ramekin forks. And you don't even have to catch a ramekin. That can consist of anything baked into an individual dish, such as eggs with breadcrumbs, cheese, bits of meat, whatever you choose. A souffle, if you wish.

Or you could enjoy your ice cream, and set out in pursuit of specialized terrapin and ramekin forks. Miss Manners would understand.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who is always looking for people to do things for him or go out of their way to drive him places. His excuse is that he has an old car and doesn't feel that it will make it there. I am only talking about 10 miles one way at the most.

He also asks me to have a party at my house and invite him over or take him to dinner or on a trip when I mention I am going somewhere, or asks me to buy him a drink when we are at the bar. He claims to have old movie posters that he could sell for a lot of money, but he still cries poverty.

Would you say this individual is a freeloader? He probably does these things because in his mind he thinks I have a lot of money.

GENTLE READER: He probably does these things because in his experience he knows you will comply. Miss Manners suggests that you solve your problem by not doing so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)