DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father passed away a few years ago. To my nieces and nephews, he has always been referred to as "Grandpa." Last fall, my husband and I were blessed with the arrival of our first child. My mother-in-law refers to my father-in-law as "Grandpa."

This really hurts my feelings because I feel as though it is dismissing my dad's role. My dad may not ever be able to meet my son, but I look forward to telling him about my dad.

My husband says I'm being overly sensitive. Lately, I have tried to mention my dad in front of them using the name "Grandpa," but nothing has changed.

Who decides the names of grandparents? Would it be rude of me to ask them to choose another name?

GENTLE READER: It seems a bit late for Miss Manners to have to explain to you that all children have two grandfathers -- and, in these chaotic times, sometimes more. Attempting to trademark the term "grandpa" on behalf of your late father is not only futile, as you have discovered, but also insulting to your father-in-law.

That said, families do often find it convenient to distinguish between them by using different diminutives, or a relevant ethnic title, or a proper name appended to the title. First choice goes to the person to be addressed, subject to modification -- preferably endearing modification -- by the child when he begins to talk.

By all means, talk to your child of his maternal grandfather -- but not at the expense of attempting to distance his relationship with his paternal grandfather.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Maybe it's just me, but there is a trend among restaurant servers that I find a little off-putting. Instead of asking, "How is everything?" or "Can I get you anything else?" when checking on their customers, they ask, "How does everything taste?" This practice is so pervasive that I think it must have originated with restaurant owners.

The problem I have is that the restaurant experience involves more than just the taste of the food, and, frankly, I find the question a little creepy.

Do you know the origin of this question or the rationale behind it? Is it acceptable etiquette for servers to ask this, as opposed to asking a general question about the restaurant experience, or asking if the customers need anything else?

GENTLE READER: Can someone tell Miss Manners who serves as the national restaurant phrase-maker? Whoever it is does an astounding job of disseminating patter that annoys diners all over the country.

People who are eating, and perhaps trying to talk with one another, are constantly being asked, "Is everything all right?" and "How's everything so far?" and "Are you still working on that?" And now you have identified another pesky question.

Miss Manners' plea to restaurateurs: Stop instructing your staffs to intrude unnecessarily on your customers' enjoyment of food and company with these inane questions. Milking them for compliments is especially futile. Most people will murmur that everything is fine, even when it may not be, just to end the quiz.

Good service consists of remaining alert to the customers' needs, one of which is to dine in peace.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I must have been born about a hundred years too late, because I have always delighted in the specialized flatware that was so loved in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

I have recently secured a long-elusive prize in the form of eight ice-cream forks. Beyond a basic plate of ice cream (I assume that sorbet, gelato and sundaes are included), with what dishes can I properly use them? I rarely serve just ice cream, and when I serve pie or cake with ice cream, I have always set a dessert fork and dessert spoon at each place. But that was before I had these nifty little sporky things, which I am eager to use.

I realize that my question does not offer much in the way of great general interest or mass appeal, but it is a matter of intense concern for me, and I trust no one else to provide me with the correct answer.

GENTLE READER: If you insist upon a correct answer, Miss Manners is forced to say that ice-cream forks should be used only to eat ice cream. That is what specialized flatware is all about.

However, you surely know that she shares your fondness for it and wants to do better for you. Just please be good enough not to betray her to even sterner purists.

Ice cream forks are not the only table implements that combine a bowl with prongs. You could pass these off as terrapin forks.

What's that? Your guests don't want to eat a gelatinous mass embedded with turtle parts? Miss Manners will try again.

They could be used as ramekin forks. And you don't even have to catch a ramekin. That can consist of anything baked into an individual dish, such as eggs with breadcrumbs, cheese, bits of meat, whatever you choose. A souffle, if you wish.

Or you could enjoy your ice cream, and set out in pursuit of specialized terrapin and ramekin forks. Miss Manners would understand.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who is always looking for people to do things for him or go out of their way to drive him places. His excuse is that he has an old car and doesn't feel that it will make it there. I am only talking about 10 miles one way at the most.

He also asks me to have a party at my house and invite him over or take him to dinner or on a trip when I mention I am going somewhere, or asks me to buy him a drink when we are at the bar. He claims to have old movie posters that he could sell for a lot of money, but he still cries poverty.

Would you say this individual is a freeloader? He probably does these things because in his mind he thinks I have a lot of money.

GENTLE READER: He probably does these things because in his experience he knows you will comply. Miss Manners suggests that you solve your problem by not doing so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been through a divorce and will be spending my first Valentine's Day alone in quite some time. I have been thinking about ordering myself a few roses and having them sent to my work.

I was wondering if that would be crass of me, or is it OK? Could you please shed some light on the subject?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you should shed some light on your motive. If it cheers you to have roses, by all means, buy yourself some. But the ploy of having them sent to the office, rather than just taking some there or to your home, makes Miss Manners suspect that your idea is to make your colleagues believe you have a new beau.

If that is the case, please don't. It is too pathetic, and will only invite questions that will oblige you to spin tales. In the end, that will make you feel worse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to address a former governor who resigned from office? It seems disrespectful to all the governors who maintained their commitment to their solemn oath and disrespectful to the office to address a person who resigned a state's top office as Governor Smith or Jones.

GENTLE READER: Such is the protocol, however. Miss Manners is afraid that it is rude to refer to such a person by his incarceration number.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a popular doctor with a huge following at a large optical practice. Our prices are listed in a very nice frame on the wall as you enter the office. We do participate in various discounts such as AARP, AAA and insurance discounts, and those are also listed on the sign.

My issue is that when I ask for payment, some patients argue with me about the price. I guess the squeaky wheel gets the grease? In front of others in the lobby, they boom.

I work alone and need to keep the peace, collect the fees, take the patients back for pretesting and then to the doctor for the exam. Time is not my friend, as I have much to do in a little amount of time. I have to keep it moving or there's a train wreck.

What polite, short and to-the-point thing can I say with a smile on my face and in my voice to keep the mood upbeat in an all's-well environment?

GENTLE READER: "I'm sorry, but I'm authorized to collect the fees only as stated, so I'll have to do that now. But you could write a letter, stating your reasons for asking for a discount, and I'll pass it on to the doctor's lawyer to see if an adjustment should be made."

This is a bit long, but if it is said clearly, those in line behind will pressure the protester to give up. And in Miss Manners' experience, those who argue the longest are the least willing to write letters.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)