DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are flummoxed. In our powder room, we keep a pretty container with decorated paper hand towels on the vanity right next to the sink. There is also a towel ring on the wall with a towel that is there as a decoration. (It's embroidered and is partly satin, and to us it is obviously a show towel only.) Inevitably, some, if not most, guests will use the show towel rather than the paper hand towels.

Why do you think this is? We would think it's obvious that if there are paper hand towels in a powder room, they are to be used, rather than a show towel hanging on a rack. We certainly use the paper towels at other people's homes. Are we doing something wrong?

GENTLE READER: Yes: trying to show off with a hand towel.

Miss Manners has heard of show horses and show dogs, and she is aware that some people use expensive art or automobiles to show off. But to hang a towel as a showpiece is ridiculous, and to expect guests to understand that they are unworthy of drying their hands on it is insulting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife says I shouldn't bother you with this question. It might be less than important in the scheme of social relations, but it's been bugging me.

We were invited (by telephone) to a Super Bowl watch party. Along with a snack item, we showed up two hours before, dressed casually (me in a sport shirt and slacks, my wife in a sweater and skirt).

That was pretty much the dress code for the 10 other guests -- except for Joe and his wife. They brought the guacamole, but he was dressed as though he was going to bed. He had on what looked like pajama bottoms and a rather raggedy-looking sweatshirt from one of the competing teams. His wife was only a little more "formal" in another team sweatshirt and color-coordinated sweatpants.

Should someone have spoken to Joe beforehand about what clothes were appropriate, or should we talk with them now, after the fact? There was no willingness to say anything, just a few raised eyebrows.

GENTLE READER: Of course you should come to Miss Manners with this -- who else acknowledges the symbolic importance of dress codes? (Nearly everyone notices them, as you know from those raised eyebrows, but even you feel sheepish about doing so.)

The people whom you should not bother with this are Joe and his wife. Their mistake could have been an accident -- who knows what "casual" means? -- but in any case, it would be rude to chastise them for it. Besides, it wouldn't accomplish anything. Either they realized that they were improperly dressed, in which case you surely do not want to increase their embarrassment, or they didn't notice or don't care.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Granddaddy always took his hat off when going indoors. Is this still true?

GENTLE READER: You'll have to check with Granddaddy. If he is a gentleman, Miss Manners trusts that he still does.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sitting in a sports bar during the Super Bowl at the time the singing of the national anthem is broadcast on TV, is it proper for the patrons to sit or stand? Or is either response proper?

GENTLE READER: If the rule of standing for the national anthem applied to recorded renditions, listening to the game on the radio while driving would be fatal.

However, Miss Manners would also like to prevent accidents in bars. She must therefore warn you about the Patriotic Police, who can be extremely belligerent about enforcing respect for the anthem and flag, even when they are not fully conversant with the rules. So if others get off their bar stools, and perhaps put their hands on their hearts, you may want to do so, too.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems inconsiderate to me when people RSVP to dinner invitations by saying they will come "if I can," or "I'll call an hour before to let you know whether I can make it," when what I have needed is an accurate head count some days before the event.

Now I find myself in the shoes of my rude invitees, that is, wishing to accept but uncertain, for reasons beyond my control, whether I can make good on the commitment.

What is the proper response? My inclination is to decline rather than find myself having to withdraw at the last minute.

GENTLE READER: Remember when you were a child and did something unkind, and your mother said, "How would you feel if he did that to you?"

You were supposed to conclude that if you wouldn't like this done to you, you should not do it to other people. Thus having discovered the Golden Rule for yourself, you were then supposed to use it to govern your conduct in general.

That is why your inclination is to decline an invitation that you may not be able to accept. Miss Manners suggests that you follow that inclination. If you decline while explaining the circumstances, your host may or may not grant you an exception and say that you can defer the response.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I properly address someone who cut the line in front of me?

GENTLE READER: As "Sir" or "Madam," continuing with, "I believe that the end of the line is over there."

Miss Manners doesn't want to know what you were thinking of saying, but you will only incite worse behavior unless you give the breaker-in a dignified way to retreat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband feels it is poor manners to expect the family to help with the cleanup after a big holiday meal. They are all adults, and I have done all the cooking entirely by myself. They have never objected, but after more than 50 years, he has decided to make an issue of this.

GENTLE READER: Please tell him that Miss Manners congratulates him for sparing all his relatives, you above all, by volunteering -- albeit belatedly -- to do all the cleaning up alone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 31-year-old daughter and her 36-year-old fiance had my beautiful baby granddaughter nine weeks ago. The grandmothers hosted a baby shower prior to the birth, and friends and relatives were most generous in their gift giving.

They are planning a wedding six months from now. My daughter does not believe she should register for the wedding. They have combined their households and have many of the basics, and yet between them they have four matching plates, no china, crystal, new towels or the essentials that would make their new life together complete. Neither has been married before.

Essentially my daughter feels that everyone has been so supportive and generous and accepting of the baby situation before the wedding, she just wants everyone to celebrate the day.

What is appropriate in this situation? Her wedding list is at least 150, so a normal bridal shower could be around 50 guests, a small, intimate celebration, possibly theme driven -- or no shower at all?

GENTLE READER: With a daughter gracious enough to ask nothing more of her relatives and friends than that they celebrate her wedding, what exactly is your quarrel?

That she is passing up an opportunity to get free stuff? Or maybe even rake in some cash? That her friends and relatives, having already been proven generous, could be milked for more?

Miss Manners believes you could profit by listening to your daughter's definition of what makes life complete.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An old friend, now more of an acquaintance, recently lost his wife of 40-plus years. We've always loved their home. Not now, but at some point in the future, is it appropriate to let him know that if he considers selling to please keep us in mind? If it is appropriate, when would be a good (better) time, and would it be best to send a letter or ask to speak in person with him?

GENTLE READER: A better time would be if he tells you that he is thinking of moving. Otherwise, it is unforgivably intrusive to assume that as a widower, he should be downsizing, and downright ugly to let on that you see his wife's death as an opportunity. Miss Manners would advise you to watch the real estate advertisements instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I needed the email address of a friend at the company my best friend works at. He would not directly provide me with the email address. Instead, he told me that he must ask for this friend's permission to give it to me.

I think this is absurd, since the friend I want to contact and I have known each other for a few years now, although we are not at all close. Anyway, my best friend believes this is the proper procedure. In this day and age, people exchange emails all the time. What are your thoughts on this matter?

GENTLE READER: That you are fortunate to have a best friend who will not be handing out your address to everyone who wants to clutter your inbox. He could have suggested that he give yours to the person you wanted to write, but still, Miss Manners commends him for his discretion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)