DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to announce via social networking your acceptance to a (highly competitive) college? How can I tell people my accomplishments while still being humble?

GENTLE READER: A good lesson to learn now. Why wait until you get to Highly Competitive U., where everyone is as qualified as you (or whose parents donated a building), to understand how unpleasant bragging is?

But wait. Miss Manners isn't trying to squelch you. On the contrary, she congratulates you and will offer you a brief course in humble bragging.

Jumping up and down, literally or figuratively, should be done only in the privacy of your home. To everyone but your parents, it would look like gloating.

So don't make an announcement on your social network. Instead, work it in with something mundane. "I'll be working at Yogurt 'n' You this summer -- stop by and say hello -- before going off to Highly Competitive in August," you could post.

(Note: If you're going to Europe this summer, you'll have to find something else.)

Do not, repeat not, go around asking your classmates where they are going. If they ask you, you can admit to it, but add something mildly self-deprecating, such as, "I sure hope they don't find out they made a mistake."

Perhaps you think that's far-fetched. Miss Manners once witnessed freshman orientation at such a college, where the dean, to be funny, said: "One of you shouldn't be here. I'm sorry, but your letter of acceptance was sent by mistake. Please see me afterward. You know who you are."

There was a dreadful silence where the laughter should have been. It appeared as if half the class would have to be carried out on stretchers.

As we know, humility is fleeting. But the appearance of it, which the world appreciates as modesty, can be maintained. That is the secret to humble bragging: People are infinitely more impressed by discovering for themselves the achievements of others than they are by being told them by the achiever.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend ordered her boyfriend a pizza for his birthday and had it delivered to his office. But he had left for an off-site meeting, so his co-workers notified him and he offered them to have a slice.

Do you think this was rude for them to take a piece, even if offered, before the boyfriend got any of it?

GENTLE READER: What did your friend think would happen to a pizza sent to an office? That the gentleman would devour it at his desk, while his slavering colleagues envied his having such a generous and thoughtful lady in his life?

And if he were away when it arrived, would she believe that the pizza should have sat on his desk, first emitting aromas and then turning cold, so it could thrill him upon his return?

Miss Manners notices that you are careful not to blame him for what you imagine is a transgression of manners, and indeed, his offer was a graceful one. There was nothing wrong with others accepting this offer. The error was in sending the pizza to the office.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my 40s and was recently blessed with my first and only child. I am very thin by nature. I gained only 20 pounds while pregnant with my son.

Now people seem to question if I've really had a baby. I've had people look at me and ask if we adopted! They do not seem to believe that I have just had a baby because I am so thin.

Are all mothers just expected to carry around baby weight for some amount of time these days? Is it not acceptable to be skinny after having a baby? How should I respond?

GENTLE READER: It has nothing to do with theories about postpartum weight. Rather, this is just part of a widespread ad hoc campaign to annoy mothers. Revering motherhood in general doesn't seem to stop people from picking on mothers in particular.

If you had retained weight, the same people would be informing you that you still looked pregnant. Now you can look forward to hearing their critical opinions of your child-rearing practices, whatever they may be.

Presumably, people whom you know are aware of your pregnancy and the birth, so Miss Manners gathers that you are talking about acquaintances and, very likely, strangers. You do not owe them an explanation, and you should not really care how they think you acquired your son. There is no need to go beyond a curt "no" when asked if he is adopted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work with a gentleman whose spouse will not allow him to wear a navy blazer with lighter-toned slacks during the winter months. She insists it can be worn only during spring and summer and then tucked away until the following year. I contend that a blazer is year-round attire and can be worn for informal occasions. Your advice is needed.

GENTLE READER: By whom? Your friend is getting perfectly good advice from his wife, and Miss Manners has no wish to interfere. The only real help would be to buy him a winter navy jacket and dark pants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you help me with a way to express sympathy or get-well wishes that do not include "I will pray for you" or "I will keep you in my prayers"? Not only is it a cliche, but I do not wish to expose my prayer life, as it is mine alone.

GENTLE READER: Your second reason is better than your first. Fear of using conventional phrases has led many people to come up with such appalling alternative cliches for the afflicted as "It's all for the best" and "What you need is a more positive attitude."

What the afflicted want to hear is that you care. You can use that same formula to say that they are in your thoughts or in your heart, or you can merely tell the sick that you dearly wish them well, and mourners that they have your sympathy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm in the process of applying to law schools. Most schools require that you submit three letters of recommendation.

Last August I asked three former colleagues if they would mind submitting letters on my behalf. All three of them enthusiastically agreed. At the time, I told them that I would need the letters to be sent in around November, since admissions are rolling and I would have a better shot at acceptance if my applications were completed earlier.

It's now approaching mid-January and none of my recommenders has submitted a letter.

While I understand that schedules are busy, final deadlines are in February, and I'm concerned that my applications will not be completed. I sent each of these colleagues a handwritten letter in August thanking them for agreeing to write letters for me and again in early December updating them on my progress.

What is the polite way to remind these people about the recommendations? If they no longer wish to write these letters on my behalf, I need to know as soon as possible so that I may find replacements.

GENTLE READER: Nobody is too busy to write a letter. Miss Manners keeps hearing that anguished cry -- from bridal couples, from young people whose relatives shower them with presents, from friends of the bereaved -- but it arouses no sympathy in her steely heart.

She has a pretty good idea of how these people spend the discretionary time that they grudge others -- and many of whom have just spent time and thought on pleasing them.

In the case of recommendations, there could be another, equally culpable, element. It is possible that they didn't want to recommend you, in which case they should have said immediately that they didn't feel they could do you justice. But as they were all enthusiastic at the time, Miss Manners suspects the rudeness is due to laziness.

You have done all you can, except to find other letter writers immediately, and caution them that it must be done that very day to meet the looming deadline.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dentist enjoys using his patients as a means of venting his political frustrations. I've been through several nightmarish dentists and don't want to give this one up, as he does a very good job on my teeth, but I am stressed by the comments he makes regarding the state of things in society.

I would normally try to change the subject by saying, "So how is the tartar looking?" but it's rather hard to talk with dental instruments in my mouth. What can I do short of changing dentists?

GENTLE READER: Close your eyes.

Normally, this is not a polite thing to do while someone is talking to you. But those dental chairs are so comfortable, and there are sprays in the air from which you should shield your eyes, and anyway, your mouth is open, and he is supposed to be concentrating on his work.

Miss Manners suggests that you refrain from making those ulmphh noises that dental patients do to indicate assent, to leave the impression that you have dozed off. With any luck, you will.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)