DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that I can't say anything about gift cards (except "thank you"), but perhaps Miss Manners can.

I do not enjoy shopping. But every year I start months in advance, doing my best to find a thoughtful, appropriate gift for each person. Then Christmas comes, and I get an assortment of gift cards -- and my shopping chore starts all over again.

Some are for stores not found in my area. And I have to make the gift fit the size of the card, so to speak -- I often end up having to add money. Very rarely, those who know me well give me a card for a store that I frequent regularly, or for a shop, previously unknown to me, that becomes a favorite. But not usually.

I realize I risk sounding like an ungrateful cad -- after all, a stack of gift cards indicates at least that many friends. But the actual result is that I have to do all the shopping twice, I have to run all over town, and I'm limited to just so much at a particular store.

I never thought I'd say such a thing, but if you're looking for a one-size-fits-all gift, just go with cash. Does Miss Manners care to comment?

GENTLE READER: How about this: Cash isn't a present; it is a penalty paid by people who have not taken enough interest in the recipient to know what to choose.

Or this: Miss Manners agrees that laundering money with a gift card makes it harder to spend, and therefore worse.

Or this: If there were such a thing as a one-size-fits-all present, everyone would already have one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It has taken me many years to come to terms with the abuse I suffered from my mother while growing up, and I prefer not to have anything to do with her because she is in denial that it ever even happened and will not get help for her mental illness.

I make a point not to mention my mother to anyone and never criticize her to others, as I do have sympathy for her, since it is obvious that she endured her own trauma at some point. It's as though she doesn't exist, and I like it that way.

I now have a 5-month-old son, and people often ask about his "grandmother." What can I say that won't make them feel uncomfortable? She isn't dead, but she will never be a part of my son's life.

GENTLE READER: Say, "It's a sad story; I'd rather not talk about it."

Miss Manners is aware that many people consider this an invitation to ask, "Why not? What happened?" so repeat the second half of the sentence until they give up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating my boyfriend for eight years. We have lived together for the last six or seven years. How much longer should I wait for a proposal?

GENTLE READER: Go right ahead and propose. You have Miss Manners' blessing, and you will have his answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like most women, I have dreamt of a magical wedding to my very own Prince Charming. At the young age of 19, I was deeply in love and engaged to the man of my dreams.

Before we had even started planning our wedding, we found out I was pregnant (oops and yay!). We decided we should speed up the process for the benefit of the baby and our new family. We had a small ceremony with a judge in the home of my husband's mother. Only our immediate family was there to witness our vows -- no friends, uncles, aunts, etc.

Now, two years later, we are even more in love than before. I am only 21 and he is nearly 24. I still dream of my dad walking me down the aisle, a big, white fluffy dress, my husband at the end of a long cathedral aisle. I ache for the "first dance" and dance with my father, the bridesmaids' support, and the excitement and affirmation of all of our loved ones.

Would it be so wrong to have a wedding now, two years after our vows? We didn't have a registry, bridesmaids, caterer, dancing, reception, etc., before. Is it OK to go all out now?

A final note ... if it is OK for people to get divorced and remarried to another person and have another wedding, then how could it be "wrong" to have a "real" wedding (dress, registry, bridesmaids and all) to the same man you've been in love with and faithfully committed to for years?

GENTLE READER: Could it be the fact that a real wedding is exactly what this is not? At a real wedding, people get married. You had a real wedding.

If you want to have a mock wedding for the sake of the lavish pageantry, you should be extremely careful about whom you invite. You wouldn't want people assuming that your objectives are to show off and receive presents.

Miss Manners is not quite that hard-hearted. Almost, but not quite. She assumes that you just want a bit of glamour in your otherwise happy life. Life is so relentlessly casual nowadays that many people yearn for that. Indeed, it probably accounts for many a financially ruinous wedding.

But you don't need to pretend to be getting married in order to throw a formal, glamorous party. You don't need any excuse but that of wanting to show your friends a good time -- without their being your attendants or audience, and without their having to worry about producing presents.

You can then be yourself, an adult wife and mother, rather than the embodiment of your childish fantasy. And at a formal party, you can even wear a strapless white ball dress, as that is what passes for a wedding dress nowadays.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our office was wondering when it is appropriate to stop wishing people a happy new year. For instance, is it appropriate to wish callers and visitors a happy new year throughout the month of January, or beyond?

GENTLE READER: The time to stop is when people are embarrassed about having violated their New Year's resolutions. Miss Manners estimates that as any day now.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After the start of each new year, I look over the holiday cards we have just received. Every once in a while I notice that someone has not, for the second year in a row, returned our Christmas greeting, and I come to the realization that we have obviously been removed from their card list. I graciously accept (is there another alternative?) this fact and allow the yearly card swap to cease.

But this year I was confronted with a brand-new scenario. Two families with whom we exchange Christmas greetings did not send us Christmas cards. Instead, a full week after New Year's Day, they each sent a "Happy New Year" card. I am quite positive it is not because they do not celebrate Christmas.

I am not terribly surprised that they would choose not to exchange cards. There are some people, like these two families, who we do not see during the course of the year, and I can understand if they see no reason to continue any kind of communication. Despite that our respective lives have taken us in different directions, I still enjoy sending out a greeting once a year. But I respect that others may not share my feelings, and that my card may become a bother and a burden rather than being seen as a friendly greeting.

So, is this the new etiquette rule -- if you don't get a Christmas card, but get a New Year's card instead, it means you weren't on their Christmas card list to begin with, and they are trying to tell you (hint, hint) to stop sending unwanted cards?

GENTLE READER: For someone so heavily invested in an act of friendship, you have a rather unfriendly attitude. Why does it matter whether your friends greet you on one holiday or week than another?

Oh, yes, you explained. They only appear to be greeting you. Actually, they were caught trying to get rid of you.

Well, maybe not. Maybe they decided that the New Year, rather than a religious holiday, was a more suitable time to greet their friends. Maybe they were just late getting out cards. Maybe they had lost your address until your card arrived.

Another Gentle Reader wrote Miss Manners: "Our family has found the tradition of a twelve-day Christmas can solve many holiday problems. Sitting down with a cup of tea or eggnog a day or two after the event to write thanks and catch up with friends in a newsy letter can be very relaxing after the pre-Christmas bustle.

"Writing a greeting for the New Year can solve the problem of friends and colleagues who do not celebrate Christmas. Inviting family who can't arrange for a Christmas Day visit to have another holiday meal (perhaps serving three French hens) is wonderful. And finish with an evening at the theater with friends whose schedule is too busy for you to get together sooner. (Mr. Shakespeare wrote a lovely play for just this occasion: 'Twelfth Night.')"

Miss Manners hopes these people are not on your list of people to ignore next year.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)