Left over from last Thanksgiving: Evidence from Gentle Readers of how people concluded the holiday for gathering in warm fellowship to give thanks for the bounty received:

-- "My sister went to great expense and labor to give Thanksgiving dinner. Although she did not ask the guests to bring anything, a couple of them brought wine and one guest brought a couple of cans of nuts, both taking the leftovers home. One guest told my sister in advance that she was going to take some leftovers for an ill friend, brought her own containers in which to put the leftovers, and took not only some for the friend but also some for herself. Another guest, without receiving an offer, just left with leftovers.

"My sister is extremely kindhearted and always makes way too much food. I told her that, next year, she should charge for takeout dinners."

-- "My friend had provided all of the food for Thanksgiving, and the preparation for everything with the exception of the pies.

"When the dinner was over, a neighbor she had invited started carving the leftover bird. The hostess gave him a pie plate, thinking he would carve his portion of the meat and leave room on the plate for the potatoes, stuffing and vegetable to take home.

"Instead, he proceeded to carve away on the bird, filling the entire plate with just turkey meat. It was a large bird, 20 to 22 pounds. When the plate could hold no more turkey, he quit carving and took the plate home with him.

"My friend had intended to split up the remaining bird for herself to take to work the following week and to give some to me. What the neighbor left was barely enough for one or two meals."

-- "My three sisters and I take turns each year hosting, but when one sister hosts, she always keeps leftovers even though she didn't fix all the casseroles or bread, stuffed mushrooms, etc.(we brought them to her house). When the rest of us host, we share leftovers with each other."

-- "We were asked to contribute to a lovely Thanksgiving dinner at the home of friends, and I made more than enough soup for the 18 people who were invited. After the dinner, I noticed that the hostess put the leftover soup into a container for her own use. She had her housekeeper clean my pot and gave me my empty pot as we were leaving."

-- "I was asked to bring a rather specific bottle of wine, which I did, although it was rather costly. Once I got to the party, I found out that almost everyone had brought wine, almost all pricey imported bottles.

"The party lasted several hours, but during the course of the dinner my bottle of wine was never opened. As I was leaving, I was shocked that the hosts did not offer to return the wine to me. They kept not only my bottle, but also a few others' bottles that they had specifically requested us to bring. This, while others who attended and brought only food were allowed to take their leftovers home."

A fine way to top off the day of giving thanks and sharing -- squabbling over the leftovers.

These people are not starving, Miss Manners gathers; on the contrary, they are probably complaining of feeling overstuffed. They are not at soup kitchens, where they hope to stretch the holiday meal for an otherwise bleak next day. Nor are they at restaurants, where they may ask to take home food they bought that would otherwise have to be thrown away.

They seem to have mistaken the holiday for Grabby Day.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dad has married someone close to me in age, and I am uncomfortable introducing her as my stepmom. I also don't think it's right to introduce her as my dad's wife. What should I say when introducing her?

GENTLE READER: Are you hoping for a passable way to say, "That's Peaches, who's made a fool of my father"?

There isn't one. You needn't call her your stepmother, but you do have to acknowledge that she is your father's wife. This is a legal definition, not a matter of your deciding whether it is right or wrong. If you want to be cold, and Miss Manners gathers that you do, you could introduce her as Mrs. with her surname.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been divorced for nearly two years. My ex-husband chose an exceptionally lovely wedding set, which I always enjoyed wearing. We agreed that I should keep the ring when we parted ways.

It's been in a ring box in the safe for the past two years, and it seems a shame that something so beautiful is hidden from view. I know I will never sell it, and I have no children.

Is this beautiful object destined to live a life unseen? I no longer have any illusions about the ring's emotional value and have been contemplating wearing it on my non-wedding finger, but is that acceptable?

Also, I have a friend who has always fawned over the ring -- to the point that upon hearing of the divorce, she offered to have her beloved "make me an offer" to take it off my hands, which I graciously declined by telling her that she wouldn't possibly want such a cursed item. (That explanation seemed easier than calling attention to what I'm sure must have been a momentary slip of her usual good sense.)

Is the ring cursed -- or is it just bad form to recycle an item that represents a broken marriage? Clearly no one ever asks whether "Grandma" or "Auntie" had a successful marriage when accepting an heirloom, but the outcome of this ring's marriage is not even up for debate, so I'm in limbo. And if it is cursed, what does one do to remove that curse?

GENTLE READER: How did your divorce get to be the ring's fault?

Just as Miss Manners had concluded that invoking a curse was a graceful way for you to parry your friend's offer, you showed that you were beginning to fall for it yourself.

Perhaps you are confusing a curse with a symbol. The ring did, indeed, carry symbolic value at one time, and some divorced ladies who still feel that but don't want to give up their rings have the stones re-set.

But you say that you are over that feeling, in which case rings revert to being jewelry only. And curse-less.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 27 and have recently stepped back into the dating game. I have noticed an alarming trend: men commenting on women's bodies on the first date.

Now, I do not mind a well-placed compliment to a stranger (you look beautiful/handsome, a comment on a clothing item), but I am deeply offended when men who obviously do not know me feel they can comment on my curves or derriere upon first meeting me.

It is not just the jerks who are wishing to rush the physical ... even the nice guys do it! I would never dream of making such comments to, say, someone I just met at a dinner party, so why do people feel the dynamic changes on a date?

We are still strangers. I am casually dating (bowling, matinee movies, lunch dates ... nothing terribly forward), and so it disheartens me that inevitably the conversation turns to physical things. Is this really inappropriate, or am I just being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Your choice is between being considered "overly sensitive" by many others to the point where you even question yourself, or appearing to welcome vulgarity as a form of courtship.

That ladies should have to set the boundaries is a nuisance, Miss Manners admits. But not doing so long kept alive the idea that they were so pathetically eager to be judged attractive that they accepted as compliments catcalls on the street and other forms of what we now recognize as sexual harassment.

Furthermore, you want to declare otherwise without alienating those whom you call "nice guys." So you will not want to walk away with your nose in the air or say "How dare you!"

Instead, practice a look of Shocked Disbelief. This is a wide-eyed stare, mouth slightly open, followed by a quick shake of the head as if to dislodge a mistaken impression. No words are necessary to make it clear to one of those nice guys that you did not accept his remark as a compliment. Anyone it encourages to continue should be swiftly removed from the nice guy category.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, I asked my husband's sister, who was having the family Thanksgiving dinner at her house, what I could bring. She insisted that it was easier for her to do it all herself and that we should just give her money.

I offered two more times to bring something, but she only wanted money. My husband did not agree and did not pay her when we ate at her house. When we arrived home, my husband's other sister called, screaming at him for not paying up.

This year, we would like to avoid being treated like deadbeat customers, but I'm not sure how we could best do so. Should we politely decline without a reason, should we go along with paying for our dinner for the sake of family harmony, or should we say we will come if we can participate as family members?

GENTLE READER: It can't be easy to achieve harmony in a family where screaming and charging for dinner pass for acceptable behavior.

Miss Manners doubts that your relatives are able to see the crucial difference between helping to cook for a family gathering and paying admission to attend it. In the future, it would be good to give the dinner yourself, setting an example of hospitality.

This year, she suggests that you offer to do the grocery shopping, asking your sister-in-law for a list, and refusing even partial payment on the grounds that you wouldn't feel right charging family or friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)