DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the latest etiquette on modern marriages? This couple has been living together for a number of years, but as they are both young, the parents financed and hosted the wedding, which had a limited number of guests.

Now the parents would like to send announcements to the many friends and relatives, but wonder if this would be quite proper. Do wedding announcements "obligate" a receiver to send a gift? Also, is it proper to include the residence address of the married couple on the announcement?

GENTLE READER: What you describe is the traditional wedding announcement with an enclosed "at home" card with their address. The recipients' only obligation is to send best wishes, since these are presumably people in whom they have some interest.

So yes, it is proper. But is it prudent?

Correct forms are so rare nowadays that Miss Manners keeps receiving indignant letters from those who misinterpret them. All of them -- about births, graduations, weddings, anniversaries, deaths -- are interpreted as bids for presents.

Announcements often arouse special indignation, because the recipients feel cheated of the parties to which they assume that more favored people were invited. Some even mistake announcements for invitations that they assume were cunningly sent when the date was past.

All this speculation is nasty, and Miss Manners dearly hopes that those who are not grousing are reacting with pleasure to the announcements they receive and responding with congratulations. Some may feel moved to send presents, but that is by no means an obligation and should not be expected. (Well, presents should never be expected, but that's a whole other lesson.)

There are things that the senders of announcements can do to minimize unpleasant reactions. For a starter, they can remember that the function of an announcement is to tell people something they don't already know.

Sure, others may have noticed that the baby's birth is imminent, or heard nonstop wedding talk for the past year, but things can go wrong, and an announcement confirms the event. But those who have already been called, tweeted and shouted to from the housetops may wonder why they also receive announcements -- if not, they then surmise, as notification of presents due.

The true reason may be that the announcers are waiting to include photographs. That is no excuse. Photographs can be (and goodness knows, will be) sent or posted without the pretense that they accompany breaking news. Wedding announcements, in particular, should be readied before the event and mailed the day after.

Another cause for cynicism is that announcements are often sent to those who are not all that interested in the people involved. Perfectly nice people may be indifferent to the fact that an acquaintance's daughter has finished high school. So they wonder why they are being told. A crucial question people forget to ask themselves before sending announcements is, "Will these people be delighted to know?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it tacky or inappropriate to attach a business advertising magnet to the candy you give out of your house at Halloween?

GENTLE READER: In the hope that all those cute little ghosts will want to do business with you?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a wedding for which I drove a total of 19 hours there and back, only to find the following line on the back of the ceremony program: "In lieu of thank-you notes, we will be making a donation to the American Cancer Society."

This greatly upset me and many of the guests I was with. Is this a new tradition or is this completely inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: This stance -- "We don't have to be polite to you because we care so much about others" -- has been around for some time now. It is cited to cover a range of bad behavior, from yelling at strangers in the street to -- as in this case -- trampling on the feelings of friends and family.

What puzzles Miss Manners is how this is rationalized. How does the admirable act of giving to charity cancel out the need to express gratitude?

No doubt this couple expects acknowledgment from the American Cancer Society (indeed, they need it to take a tax deduction), yet they believe it does themselves credit to refuse to acknowledge the generosity of others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are having a continual battle over our window coverings. I believe it is rude for us to keep our blinds open, particularly at night. She does not think so. Is there etiquette for window coverings?

GENTLE READER: That would be Don't Frighten the Neighbors. But Miss Manners would advise not interesting them too much, either.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few of our neighbors get together and have neighborhood socials. Some of the socials are Halloween, Christmas cookie exchange and Christmas parties.

In each of the invitations, the hosts request that everyone provide an hors d'oeuvre or dish, and they provide the house, a dish and wine.

One of the hostesses mentioned that if you come, you need to reciprocate. It doesn't look like any of the neighbors are reciprocating, unless it's a one-on-one dinner with them.

What is proper? My husband doesn't have anything in common with any of them, and some of the hosts and hostesses are very heavy drinkers, which turns him off. He goes because I like most of the people.

GENTLE READER: You like them in their houses, you mean, but not in yours. But that is not the way social life is supposed to work.

Miss Manners understands these to be cooperative parties, in which the same few people provide the venues, and are feeling put upon because others won't. Inviting the hosts by themselves does show appreciation, but it is not the same as assuming responsibility for the neighborhood-wide parties, which apparently everyone, including you (although not your husband), enjoys.

Perhaps a neighborhood committee is in order, at which people can divide the chores more reasonably. For example, people who don't have such parties at their houses might form a clean-up committee for those who do. The plea for equivalent effort is legitimate, although a hostess shouldn't have had to make it.

And please remember that the hosts' shortcomings are irrelevant once you have overcome these enough to accept their hospitality.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The U.S. elections and my quadrennial quandary draw closer. I am an expatriate, living where "communist" is a political position, rather than an insult. At social events, some other Americans ask for whom I will vote. I have tried being vague, humorous and evasive, but when pressed I tell them that I support neither candidate because I am a communist.

I am then treated to a summary of 50 years of Cold War propaganda, which appears to be unstoppable.

A social gathering is not the place for a serious political discussion, and I have offered to discuss our positions at a more appropriate time, but that fails, along with all of my attempts to extricate myself.

Have you any suggestion for avoiding this unpleasant situation, other than not accepting any invitation until December? Please do not advise me to "plead the Fifth"; my father did not, when much more was at stake, and the Recording Angel's tears would fall like rain were I to do so.

GENTLE READER: There is a difference between invoking the Fifth Amendment to the Bill of Rights, which protects a defendant in a criminal case from bearing witness against himself, and doing what every lawyer advises every client: not volunteering more information than was requested.

So you could have left it at "neither one"; or, because socially you don't have to answer nosy questions, said pleasantly, "Oh, let's not talk politics" and proposed another topic. Being pushed does not mean you have to topple.

But Miss Manners suspects that you feel that not stating your affiliation would be disloyal or cowardly. If so, you know what to expect.

To your questioners who are visitors to the country where you live, it might be worthwhile to interrupt by saying gently, "While you're here, you should look into what this means -- it's not at all what you think." This should at least leave them embarrassed to be caught in critical ignorance of the place they are visiting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it too early to send a "save the date" in October for a Christmas party? I know people get very busy around the holidays, so I want to let my friends know of a party I am planning, but I don't want to look stupid by sending it now.

GENTLE READER: Well, there is a bit of a disconnect between your presumed hope in doing this and the likely result. Miss Manners prefers to characterize your proposal as futile, rather than stupid.

A save-the-date card binds the host to send an invitation at the proper time, but the recipient is not obligated to accept or decline until receiving the actual invitation. Thus with the possible exception of those who might write that they plan to be away at Christmas, you will not have any better an idea of those attending than you will at the proper time.

There is, however, a different kind of response your cards are likely to get, although you will be spared knowing about it. That is the groaning one hears in malls and shops that put up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving, never mind Halloween. The shops intend to promote anxiety that Christmas will find them unprepared unless they concentrate on it now. That is hardly the emotion you want to inspire in your guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)