DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is a polite way to answer a direct solicitation for money by a candidate for political office, when one respects the individual, but does not share their political views or affiliations (and therefore does not wish to contribute)?

We also live in the same school community and will see the candidate and his family frequently.

GENTLE READER: Under more distant circumstances, one can say, "Please give me your literature" -- a politician can hardly protest your implying that you want to know more about him. But Miss Manners realizes that it is not going to work with someone you know and will continue to see.

Fortunately, you can honestly say, "I want you to know that I admire you. But I'm afraid I'm spoken for."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would appreciate your insight regarding the topic of divorce. Should one learn, through a secondhand source, that a neighbor or acquaintance is experiencing divorce, is it appropriate to say anything; and if so, what is best?

GENTLE READER: Silence is best. For all you know, what you heard is untrue, or the couple has since reconciled.

But even if you just heard it from an impeccable source, there is a general rule that applies to all major changes in other people's lives: Do not tell people news about themselves that you have heard or guessed. But because few people seem to realize this, Miss Manners will provide additional examples:

-- You do not congratulate a lady on her pregnancy, no matter what shape she is in, unless she mentions it.

-- You do not ask a couple whether they are engaged, even when you see them at a wedding where you are carried away with romance.

-- You do not talk to a high school senior about colleges unless he volunteers that he has already been accepted.

-- You do not commiserate with people who look tired or sick, even when they announce that they are, in fact, sick or tired.

If the people concerned want you to know what is going on in their lives, they will tell you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'd like to clear up a family matter about when it's appropriate to write thank-you notes, and how soon after the event.

(1) For a birthday gift?

(2) For an engagement gift?

(3) For a bridal shower gift?

(4) For a wedding gift?

(5) For any gift?

GENTLE READER: (1) Immediately upon receiving it.

(2) Immediately upon receiving it.

(3) Immediately upon receiving it.

(4) Immediately upon receiving it.

(5) Immediately upon receiving it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine made a big speech and hoopla at my wedding to her boyfriend about their one-year anniversary, and dedicated a song to him and a dance. Can you please explain your thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: Your friend's thought was that she would like to have a wedding of her own. Your thought is that your wedding was supposed to be your own. Miss Manners' thought is that it didn't really matter: Everybody there knew that you were the bride and she is hoping to be one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the rules for showing cleavage?

GENTLE READER: We have to draw the line somewhere, don't we? And by "where," Miss Manners is referring to geographical places, as well as anatomical ones.

That means at the office, no cleavage; on the nude beach, whatever you've got. Maybe even on the regular beach these days.

For evening, she holds to the Victorian standard. No, wait, it was a lot lower than you think.

But it was -- ah, selective. Ball gowns were cut amazingly low, but they had sleeves. The idea was to show one thing at a time, although Miss Manners knows that there should be a better way to put that. Let her just say that cleavage should not be displayed when the dress is down-to-here in the back, or up-to-there anywhere in the skirt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A grade school acquaintance sent me an email requesting contact information for a member of my family. I am aware that the family member, who lives in the same region as the acquaintance, does not wish to associate with the acquaintance and, not unreasonably, fears being hounded by frequent unwelcome requests to share and reconnect.

Is it best to simply ignore the email? What would be an appropriate and kind response?

GENTLE READER: Kinder than "He doesn't want anything to do with you"?

But not as kind as, "Well, here's his email, his cellphone number, his Twitter account, and the password to his protected information on Facebook -- and I happen to know that he's home now"?

At some point, this person is going to realize that he is not getting the information he wants. But Miss Manners understands that you would prefer not to be the bouncer, and yet not to betray your relative.

You need only forward the email and reply to the acquaintance that you have done so. There is no need to admit that you prefaced the forwarded message with, "I know you don't want to see him, so I'm not giving him your address."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are planning our daughter's wedding and finalizing the formal wedding invitation. She and her fiance have decided that the year of their church wedding ceremony should not be included on the invitation. They are not inclined to spell out the year, and have told us it is not required.

I have never received a wedding invitation without the year included and would like to know the proper etiquette guidelines.

GENTLE READER: It upsets the natural order of things when the children want to do things properly, and the parents have never been exposed to such propriety, but Miss Manners must tell you that your children are correct.

It seems odd that the year should suddenly be appearing on invitations -- along with other incorrect new touches -- because it would be ridiculous to invite people to an event a year away.

Another innovation, the save-the-date notice, takes care of the problem of people who plan so far ahead that they are able to use their frequent flier points. Miss Manners considers those useful, as long as everyone understands that they do not require a commitment, or even a response, from the guest, and yet do commit the host to issuing invitations when the time comes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After seeing so many men keeping their jackets buttoned when standing, sitting to chat, forecasting weather, playing a musical instrument, lecturing a class, or sitting at dinner, and others leaving them completely unbuttoned in these situations, I have searched for your say. You once opined that buttoning a vest's bottom button is rebellious.

Should a conductor in black tie leave his jacket unbuttoned? Unbutton it to play piano? Keep it buttoned sitting at dinner? Does a vest make a difference? I wonder about a cummerbund.

GENTLE READER: All that fuss, just because Edward VII overindulged!

As a result of a fat monarch's inability to button the bottom button of his weskit or his jacket, here we are, a century later, with even trim gentlemen forced to do the same. Miss Manners would have thought that the London tailors who came up with this solution would have been better employed making their king a suit that fit him. Or at least consenting to move his buttons.

There is no use rebelling: From Edwardian times on, proper tailors have been making suits that hang right only with that last button unfastened, and that may require the jacket to be entirely unbuttoned when the gentleman is seated. Yet controversy still rages about whether the cummerbund or weskit that is worn with a dinner jacket allows, or even requires, the jacket to be buttoned when its wearer is standing.

However, a gentleman who is a musician should be immune from such unseemly debates. He ought to be in full evening dress -- white tie as opposed to black tie -- where the swallowtail coat hangs open over the pique waistcoat. Conductors are seen from the back, where the tails are fetching, or at least amusing. Pianists can throw the tails back over the piano bench with a flourish. Once a gentleman who was dressed to take Miss Manners to a ball had so much fun doing that, that he could hardly be persuaded to leave the piano bench and go to the ball.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always believed that you should let those exiting go first, as in the case of an elevator. I am a male and was in the process of exiting the small copy room at the office. The doorway is big enough only for one person at a time.

A female was racing into the room and practically pushed me out of the way. I made a comment that she should let people exit before pushing into the room. She replied with an expected ladies-first comment.

Who is right? Should she have waited for me to exit or should I have backed up to allow her in?

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, nothing says "ladylike" as much as pushing people aside and demanding precedence.

Your colleague is as wrong in theory as she is in practice. "Ladies first" is a social system that does not apply in the working world. But in any case, a lady or anyone else trying to enter a room should defer to someone who is halfway through the door. Yet Miss Manners must remind you that not doing so is no excuse for pushing back verbally.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)