DEAR MISS MANNERS: After seeing so many men keeping their jackets buttoned when standing, sitting to chat, forecasting weather, playing a musical instrument, lecturing a class, or sitting at dinner, and others leaving them completely unbuttoned in these situations, I have searched for your say. You once opined that buttoning a vest's bottom button is rebellious.

Should a conductor in black tie leave his jacket unbuttoned? Unbutton it to play piano? Keep it buttoned sitting at dinner? Does a vest make a difference? I wonder about a cummerbund.

GENTLE READER: All that fuss, just because Edward VII overindulged!

As a result of a fat monarch's inability to button the bottom button of his weskit or his jacket, here we are, a century later, with even trim gentlemen forced to do the same. Miss Manners would have thought that the London tailors who came up with this solution would have been better employed making their king a suit that fit him. Or at least consenting to move his buttons.

There is no use rebelling: From Edwardian times on, proper tailors have been making suits that hang right only with that last button unfastened, and that may require the jacket to be entirely unbuttoned when the gentleman is seated. Yet controversy still rages about whether the cummerbund or weskit that is worn with a dinner jacket allows, or even requires, the jacket to be buttoned when its wearer is standing.

However, a gentleman who is a musician should be immune from such unseemly debates. He ought to be in full evening dress -- white tie as opposed to black tie -- where the swallowtail coat hangs open over the pique waistcoat. Conductors are seen from the back, where the tails are fetching, or at least amusing. Pianists can throw the tails back over the piano bench with a flourish. Once a gentleman who was dressed to take Miss Manners to a ball had so much fun doing that, that he could hardly be persuaded to leave the piano bench and go to the ball.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always believed that you should let those exiting go first, as in the case of an elevator. I am a male and was in the process of exiting the small copy room at the office. The doorway is big enough only for one person at a time.

A female was racing into the room and practically pushed me out of the way. I made a comment that she should let people exit before pushing into the room. She replied with an expected ladies-first comment.

Who is right? Should she have waited for me to exit or should I have backed up to allow her in?

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, nothing says "ladylike" as much as pushing people aside and demanding precedence.

Your colleague is as wrong in theory as she is in practice. "Ladies first" is a social system that does not apply in the working world. But in any case, a lady or anyone else trying to enter a room should defer to someone who is halfway through the door. Yet Miss Manners must remind you that not doing so is no excuse for pushing back verbally.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been told that one must never wear pearls after 5:00 p.m. I have a lovely string of pearls that I'd love to wear for an evening out. Is that really incorrect?

GENTLE READER: Oh, those poor innocent pearls, grounded when the fun starts, while their flashier sisters, the major gemstones, are out whooping it up.

Miss Manners is pleased to tell you that you have been seriously misinformed. Pearls can always be trusted to be proper, so they are allowed out at any time of day or night.

It is diamonds, rubies, sapphires and emeralds that have time restrictions. They should not show themselves in daylight, unless they are respectably set in engagement or wedding rings. But then, they probably don't care, because they are nursing hangovers from the nightly revels.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a luncheon where the keynote address was given before the main meal was served. A salad was pre-set on the table for each guest. One guest began eating her salad, but another guest chastised her for doing so, indicating that she should wait until the honored guest had finished speaking.

There was confusion as to whether it was proper to begin eating while the keynote speaker was giving his address. There were no speeches during the main course, but there was a speaking program as dessert and coffee were served. For whatever reason, no one hesitated to eat the dessert during this part of the program. What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Fortunately, there is no rule against listening with your mouth full -- only against talking in that state. If there were, there could be no such thing as a dinner party.

Besides, only so much time has been allotted for that sort of luncheon, and no speaker should have to try to charm an audience that is staring hungrily at food.

Miss Manners does think it would be helpful for the person chairing the event to suggest that it was all right to begin eating. And it would be even more helpful if the guests did not chastise one another.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner, Jonathan, often goes by the nickname Jon. When I introduce him as such, people presume he's a John, and when they hear his last name, they tease him for being named after a particular English explorer, and question the nature of his relationship with Pocahontas.

How do we introduce him such that we encourage people to use his nickname but ensure that no lame jokes follow?

GENTLE READER: If you discover a way of preventing people from joking about other people's names, please let Miss Manners know. All jokes about people's names are lame, and you may be sure the targets have heard them countless times before.

In this particular case, possible protection might be achieved by using your partner's full given name when introducing him to strangers. Maybe not; those jokers are relentless. Just tell him not to smile when he says, "Pocahontas? Never heard of her."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past few weeks I asked a girl to the homecoming dance and we have kissed. A couple of days ago, her best friend informed me that she didn't like me anymore. I haven't heard it from her directly.

I don't know if I should still take her to the dance or if I should talk to her and not go. When we text each other now, it is very short and about trivial things. What should I do about the dance and our relationship?

GENTLE READER: Did you skip the elementary school lesson about the dangers of third-person reports on who secretly likes you and who secretly hates you?

Miss Manners assures you that it still holds. As does your date, unless you hear otherwise from the young lady herself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dad is living with his "girlfriend." After a 54-year marriage, he quickly rebounded after my mom died three years ago and began dating her friend, who moved herself in within six months.

My sister-in-law is having a 75th birthday party for my dad, and I just found out that the "girlfriend" has invited her son and two grandchildren to this family function. Last Thanksgiving I was really put on the spot and made to feel I had to say yes when she cornered me and asked if the same son could come to my house. Luckily, she and her son decided to go to another function, and my dad came to my dinner.

Do you think this behavior is rude, and how should I respond next time I am in this situation? I would like to put an end to her manipulation of my family.

GENTLE READER: So Miss Manners gathers from your use of quotation marks alone.

She also suspects, from your description of that lady's having "moved herself in," that you have not consulted your father about this because you believe that he is a helpless victim of such manipulation.

But lest you manipulate him, you should find out whether he wishes the extended members of his household to be included in family events.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately I have had two (so-called) professionals in my home. While I am paying for their service, they have turned the professional conversation into political ranting. Both have made the assumption that I agree with their opinions.

I can only guess that they believe I agree because I didn't argue. Apparently my saying nothing must have, in their minds, conveyed approval.

I have strong political opinions and enjoy a good debate, but I didn't think it was in any way appropriate to get into a debate with someone I have hired. What is a polite way to let someone know that I do have opinions but don't want to discuss them?

GENTLE READER: Furthermore, Miss Manners supposes that they -- calling themselves professionals, while ignorant of professional behavior -- are charging you for the time.

Even if you agreed with their politics, she would recommend saying, "Can we get back to going over my taxes?" or "fixing my toilet," or whatever it is that you are paying them to do.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)