DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a father of three, with No. 4 on the way. This time, my wife and I decided to find out the sex of the baby before the birth (something we did not do with the others). I am proud to say that we are expecting a girl, and I would like to share the news with my buddies with the traditional cigar. Do I wait until the birth to pass them out? Or is it OK to pass them out now when I share our good fortune?

GENTLE READER: You have three children, and you haven't learned patience?

Yet there are other things Miss Manners hopes you never learn, such as that not all pregnancies go smoothly, and not everyone is as charmed by embryos as by babies. (Some people even find cigars offensive, but that's another matter.)

Your daughter is not ready yet for her debut. Please give her a chance to get ready to face the world, and, for heaven's sake, to put something on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, after four years of relative happiness, my male partner and I ended our relationship. It was not amicable, a particularly unpleasant experience that took me the remainder of the year to accept, cope with, and gradually begin to heal from.

Several months ago, I began to very slowly and casually date another gentleman. Things are going rather well, and he and I attended a friend's barbecue over the weekend.

My friend knew about my circumstances and was pleased and excited to see that I seemed to be moving on. However, we ran into a few problems from the "friends of friends." Many of these are people I've met and do like, but time and distance being what they are, I just don't see them more than once or twice a year at such events.

One person, excited upon seeing me, ran over to hug me, introduced herself to my male companion, and then exuberantly asked, "But where is Eric?" (my former partner).

I was able to reply with a lighthearted, "I'm not sure! Did he not come with you?" To my relief, she received the message immediately.

Others, however, didn't really get the hint. One guest asked three times during the introduction and when I was chatting with several others, saying, "Wait -- did you and Eric break up?" Another remarked to my companion, "Ohhh, so YOU are the new Eric," and with a playful hip bump added, "You are definitely more handsome."

I fully understood her playful intent, but felt awkward for my companion, who could only smile shyly and thank her for the compliment. Another guest, when we were greeting each other, remarked, "You've lost some weight and you are growing out a goatee -- it looks good!" until his girlfriend came in and mercifully rescued us.

How do you politely respond to queries from friendly acquaintances about your former lovers?

GENTLE READER: As these people seem to be in a teasing mood, Miss Manners suggests you tease back. You might do this by turning to the gentleman you brought and saying, "I'm sorry to embarrass you by exposing you to this. They're really very nice people who mean well, just a little primitive socially. But I'm fond of them anyway."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a beautiful baby boy by donor insemination. I am not married, and it was by choice.

Because a new baby is such a conversation starter (grocery store, library, day care, work), often-asked questions are, "Does his dad have such blue eyes?" "Is your husband tall?" and the like. Since many of the people who ask are not simply strangers -- like the day-care mom I am not friends with but will see regularly -- how do I answer this without telling my whole story or curtly correcting them?

I'm having a hard time finding a middle ground. I want to be friendly, and I don't want to lie. I have no issue telling people there is no dad -- but I don't want to stand there having a conversation with the inevitable questions (happens quite a bit) when I have to get on with my day!

GENTLE READER: As you say, these questions are conversation starters, not the Civil Service exam. Furthermore, these people are not burning with curiosity to know where your baby got his blue eyes. Any answer will do.

But not the one that actually addresses the question, because that would stimulate their curiosity, and you would be standing there forever, being peppered with nosy questions.

You want a conversation ender, and Miss Manners can think of several: "There are blue eyes in my family"; "Don't most babies have blue eyes for the first few months?"; "People say he looks like me."

And for the other question, something like, "At his one-month checkup, he was in the 78th percentile for height." When new parents start talking about percentiles, everyone else flees.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last 11 years, I have had a friend, now almost 50, who seems to get engaged every year and a half or so.

Now she is talking about getting engaged to a man who is still married, and I honestly don't know what to say to her. He has been "separated" from his wife for many years and to date has not served his wife with divorce papers.

For the first couple of engagements, I was very happy for her, then less so, and now I've literally run out of things to say. In this situation I actually want to ask her, "Are you nuts!" but I know it's not polite, even though it might be more than appropriate, and I'm restraining myself.

Please, if you could help me come up with a polite, noncommittal answer when she throws things like this at me it would be greatly appreciated. My beliefs are such that I consider a man (or woman) not completely divorced as adulterous, especially when children are involved.

GENTLE READER: Please continue to restrain yourself, however strong the temptation. It wouldn't help, anyway. As you have noticed, the lady does not have a sharp learning curve.

But as she is a friend, you ought to be able to say, with some sincerity, "I hope you'll be happy." You only have to leave out the rest of your thought, which is, "... however stupidly and immorally you are trying to achieve it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a flight where my bag was too big to fit into the overhead bin, but fit under the seat on the aisle. I was sitting in the inside seat.

When my seat companion arrived, I asked if it was OK if I left it there, offering to see if I could slide it over to under my seat area. He said that it was fine, so I didn't attempt it.

When I was leaving the plane, I had a woman accost me, saying that she thought that was the rudest thing she had ever seen. I explained to her that I had asked if it was all right.

She responded, "He is only 19; what is he going to say?" Clearly, this was his mother.

I'm wondering your opinion of the situation and if you think I was truly rude.

GENTLE READER: What has Miss Manners wondering is whether people who used to design rough camping trips to build teamwork among students or employees now work for the airlines. It would make sense, as their specialty is leading people to miserable conditions under which sufferers must rely on one another.

A typical flight is filled with passengers pleading, "Could we please change seats so that I can sit with my child?" and, "Do you mind putting your chair back up a bit so my tray isn't pushing into my stomach?" and, "I'm sorry to wake you, but would you please step into the aisle so that I can get out and go to the bathroom?"

And then there is your request, as well as numerous others related to the storing of carry-on baggage.

Miss Manners would not have thought that sitting next to one's traveling companions, reclining, being able to lower one's tray, storing hand luggage, dozing and going to the bathroom were outrageous expectations. But since airplanes have been refitting the interiors to make these things difficult, and selling marginal improvements, the passengers are at one another's mercy.

Of course, we should try to accommodate reasonable requests. But it is also possible to decline politely. Your seatmate might have needed the legroom, or had something of his own to stow. Sometimes it is possible to suggest an alternative, as you did when offering to attempt sliding your bag to your side. Asked to change seats, someone could say, "This is a premium row. Whoever has your daughter's seat in the back would probably be delighted to be upgraded."

Or one can simply say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you. Perhaps there's someone who can."

You were not rude, but your critic was. Even if you had been, she was rude in chastising you. But if you were embarrassed, think of her poor son. She has just declared in public that at the age of 19, he is too much of a child to speak for himself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife has cancer and her health is quickly deteriorating. How do I respond when people kindly inquire on how she is doing?

GENTLE READER: "As well as can be expected, I suppose. I'll tell her you asked about her."

This doesn't really mean anything, Miss Manners acknowledges, as one would have to know her condition to know what could be expected. But it allows others to pursue the inquiry or not, depending on their level of interest.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)