DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a beautiful baby boy by donor insemination. I am not married, and it was by choice.

Because a new baby is such a conversation starter (grocery store, library, day care, work), often-asked questions are, "Does his dad have such blue eyes?" "Is your husband tall?" and the like. Since many of the people who ask are not simply strangers -- like the day-care mom I am not friends with but will see regularly -- how do I answer this without telling my whole story or curtly correcting them?

I'm having a hard time finding a middle ground. I want to be friendly, and I don't want to lie. I have no issue telling people there is no dad -- but I don't want to stand there having a conversation with the inevitable questions (happens quite a bit) when I have to get on with my day!

GENTLE READER: As you say, these questions are conversation starters, not the Civil Service exam. Furthermore, these people are not burning with curiosity to know where your baby got his blue eyes. Any answer will do.

But not the one that actually addresses the question, because that would stimulate their curiosity, and you would be standing there forever, being peppered with nosy questions.

You want a conversation ender, and Miss Manners can think of several: "There are blue eyes in my family"; "Don't most babies have blue eyes for the first few months?"; "People say he looks like me."

And for the other question, something like, "At his one-month checkup, he was in the 78th percentile for height." When new parents start talking about percentiles, everyone else flees.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last 11 years, I have had a friend, now almost 50, who seems to get engaged every year and a half or so.

Now she is talking about getting engaged to a man who is still married, and I honestly don't know what to say to her. He has been "separated" from his wife for many years and to date has not served his wife with divorce papers.

For the first couple of engagements, I was very happy for her, then less so, and now I've literally run out of things to say. In this situation I actually want to ask her, "Are you nuts!" but I know it's not polite, even though it might be more than appropriate, and I'm restraining myself.

Please, if you could help me come up with a polite, noncommittal answer when she throws things like this at me it would be greatly appreciated. My beliefs are such that I consider a man (or woman) not completely divorced as adulterous, especially when children are involved.

GENTLE READER: Please continue to restrain yourself, however strong the temptation. It wouldn't help, anyway. As you have noticed, the lady does not have a sharp learning curve.

But as she is a friend, you ought to be able to say, with some sincerity, "I hope you'll be happy." You only have to leave out the rest of your thought, which is, "... however stupidly and immorally you are trying to achieve it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a flight where my bag was too big to fit into the overhead bin, but fit under the seat on the aisle. I was sitting in the inside seat.

When my seat companion arrived, I asked if it was OK if I left it there, offering to see if I could slide it over to under my seat area. He said that it was fine, so I didn't attempt it.

When I was leaving the plane, I had a woman accost me, saying that she thought that was the rudest thing she had ever seen. I explained to her that I had asked if it was all right.

She responded, "He is only 19; what is he going to say?" Clearly, this was his mother.

I'm wondering your opinion of the situation and if you think I was truly rude.

GENTLE READER: What has Miss Manners wondering is whether people who used to design rough camping trips to build teamwork among students or employees now work for the airlines. It would make sense, as their specialty is leading people to miserable conditions under which sufferers must rely on one another.

A typical flight is filled with passengers pleading, "Could we please change seats so that I can sit with my child?" and, "Do you mind putting your chair back up a bit so my tray isn't pushing into my stomach?" and, "I'm sorry to wake you, but would you please step into the aisle so that I can get out and go to the bathroom?"

And then there is your request, as well as numerous others related to the storing of carry-on baggage.

Miss Manners would not have thought that sitting next to one's traveling companions, reclining, being able to lower one's tray, storing hand luggage, dozing and going to the bathroom were outrageous expectations. But since airplanes have been refitting the interiors to make these things difficult, and selling marginal improvements, the passengers are at one another's mercy.

Of course, we should try to accommodate reasonable requests. But it is also possible to decline politely. Your seatmate might have needed the legroom, or had something of his own to stow. Sometimes it is possible to suggest an alternative, as you did when offering to attempt sliding your bag to your side. Asked to change seats, someone could say, "This is a premium row. Whoever has your daughter's seat in the back would probably be delighted to be upgraded."

Or one can simply say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you. Perhaps there's someone who can."

You were not rude, but your critic was. Even if you had been, she was rude in chastising you. But if you were embarrassed, think of her poor son. She has just declared in public that at the age of 19, he is too much of a child to speak for himself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife has cancer and her health is quickly deteriorating. How do I respond when people kindly inquire on how she is doing?

GENTLE READER: "As well as can be expected, I suppose. I'll tell her you asked about her."

This doesn't really mean anything, Miss Manners acknowledges, as one would have to know her condition to know what could be expected. But it allows others to pursue the inquiry or not, depending on their level of interest.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have both a son and daughter planning weddings within the next 2 1/2 years. They and my future son- and daughter-in-law are worrying and wondering about how to settle on a list of guests that includes as many family members as possible, but doesn't make the cost impossible.

They aren't looking for anything extravagant, but neither side of the family has any money to speak of; income-wise we are probably considered lower middle class, so it's going to take a big effort on everyone's part to pull off two modest weddings.

My husband and I both have exceptionally large families -- I have five siblings and he has nine. Obviously that makes for a huge number of aunts and uncles and cousins. Some live in the immediate area, and we get together often, but even most of the out-of-towners stay connected and get together often for holidays, graduations and weddings.

There is a strong sense of tradition in our families, and many of the cousins have found ways to invite the entire extended family to weddings. There are a few cousins, including those who have grown up a long distance away, or were from earlier marriages, who have not remained as close, but are sometimes included in special occasions.

It has become a question of stress and concern, and we would love your guidance. Several possible solutions have been discussed, but none seem ideal. Obviously, we could lower the cost of the reception and invite every single cousin, but based on the budgets we're looking at, that would mean having hot dogs on paper plates. There is the idea of inviting only cousins who have been part of the smaller events and have been close over the years, but it's hard to figure out where to draw that line.

Another thought was to invite each aunt and uncle "and family," and trust that RSVPs will come in time to get a good head count, but that leaves open the possibility of more than we can handle.

Can you please tell us a way to include everyone we should, still allowing for an event a little more formal than a cookout? My kids and their spouses-to-be are caring, earnest people who each want to have a lovely, memorable reception without hurting anyone's feelings.

GENTLE READER: Your family's priorities are exactly the opposite of those held by most people who are planning weddings. It is now widely believed that one should first decide on the desired place, the food, the music and such, and then figure out from the cost how many people to invite.

Because you understand that is upside-down planning, and that the guests are more important than the expensive trappings, Miss Manners is especially delighted to inform you that your children may have weddings that are not only formal, but more charmingly so than the standard weddings of today.

A vast wedding industry has convinced people that a proper wedding consists of a multicourse dinner and dancing through the night, in addition to auxiliary events for days before and after. It is wildly expensive, and many have gone into serious debt to stage it.

But ostentation does not produce elegance. Traditionally, the weddings of those who could afford anything were held in the daytime, followed by a tea. As this needn't require more than tea sandwiches, cake and champagne or punch, you will be able to invite everyone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)