DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just received an invitation to a child's 1-year-old birthday party. While I was pleased to be invited, on the invitation it advised he is registered at a well-known toy store.

Am I missing something?

I can understand for weddings, but for birthdays it just seems tacky to me. (Especially for a 1-year-old who really has no idea of what is going on, and will probably be just as happy playing with the wrapping paper and box as what's inside.) Is this the New Age yuppie era?

GENTLE READER: No, it was the succeeding Gimme era that thought of farming out its shopping lists. Miss Manners supposes that the child's parents, in choosing items that they might otherwise want to buy him, are thinking of his education: They are teaching him that if you want something, tell others to buy it for you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm getting married soon and have begun receiving gifts via mail or parcel delivery. I will write proper thank-you notes, but we won't get back from the honeymoon until (in some cases) more than a month after receiving the gift.

I've been sending emails to people to thank them, mostly to let them know their gift or check arrived, but I also will send handwritten thank-yous.

Am I going overboard? What's the accepted interval before one should expect a thank-you? I don't want people to think me rude for not thanking them, but I don't want them to think me rude for using email, either. I also don't want them to think their gift was misrouted.

GENTLE READER: Why are you making double work for yourself?

And why does Miss Manners believe that with the best intentions in the world, you are never going to do it? Because you will return from your wedding trip with all sorts of things to do in your new life, and the mere thought of all those letters to write will exhaust you. Oh well, you will tell yourself, you already wrote these people. There are more urgent things to do.

But if you actually get so far as to sit down with a piece of paper, you will ask yourself what more you can say, as they know you received these wonderful presents.

Ah, you could tell them about your trip. But it sounds stupid to say you had a wonderful time on your honeymoon, as if you had expected not to, and anyway, this is supposed to be a thank-you letter, not a travelogue. Is it enough to tack on a "thanks again for ..."?

There is no need to put yourself through all this when you can dash off the handwritten letters as the presents come in, almost as fast as you could write those emails. But it is true, Miss Manners admits, that you would have to factor in the time you spend looking for a stamp.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the end of a date, a young man suggested (repeatedly) that we go back to my house for a drink. (My house was much closer than his.)

Is it unreasonable to say "yes" to such a request and still expect him to go home after an hour or two? He had never been invited to my house before, nor I to his.

Was it rude of me to let him know that he was about to miss the last train? Was it rude of him to invite himself over?

I'm guessing that it would be best never to let him get near my house in the first place. I enjoyed chatting with him over a drink, but it didn't seem worth enduring the awkward moment of kicking him out.

GENTLE READER: General rule: Do not say yes to self-invited guests who only inspire you to wonder how you will get rid of them. (This rule does not apply to close relatives.)

It also seems to Miss Manners that there could be more than a curfew problem if you accepted this reverse-invitation, as she gathers you did not. That he needed to be reminded that his last train home was imminent should have answered any doubt you might have had about his intention to go home at all, let alone early.

The usual way to demur is to say, "I've had a lovely evening, but I'm too tired" or, if you want to conclude the association, simply, "I'm afraid I have a headache."

But the train excuse was ostensibly helpful, so it was not rude. Self-invitations, however, even with the purest of intentions, are questionable. Not taking no for an answer is clearly rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Before I had my last baby, I purchased some baby gear from an acquaintance. I wrote her a check for a substantial amount of money. She also gave me some items for free that she felt she could not sell.

Now, a bit over a year later, she contacted me to say she's unexpectedly having another baby and demanded her things back as if she had lent them to me. I'm done with the items and not planning to have more children, so if she had made a polite request, I would have happily given them to her. I have a lot of sympathy for her predicament, but her attitude of entitlement is offensive.

How can I respond to this? We have several mutual friends, and I don't want to create discord in my social circle.

GENTLE READER: Since it has been more than a year, perhaps this lady has forgotten that some of the things were sold to you, not given. Still, in either case, they had become yours, and the lady should have asked for them as a favor.

Miss Manners gathers that you only want to make that point, not to recoup the money. Then you can say, graciously, "Which things do you need back? There were two batches -- one that you sold me (and here you can even name the price) and another batch that you kindly gave me." After pausing to let that sink in, you should add, "Never mind, I'm happy to give you back everything you want."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It is common for my Facebook contacts to make online announcements about health issues, job losses, ending of relationships and other unhappy news. Yet, whenever I see any of these people in person and I try to quietly, discreetly express my condolences, some of them are clearly annoyed that I am actually acknowledging their troubles.

This reaction confuses me since they did, after all, write a "status" message for many people to see. Is there some rule about online communication -- should condolences and kind words be offered online only, because that is how the news was received?

GENTLE READER: What an interesting phenomenon. It would appear that these people seek posted sympathetic understanding from their entire acquaintance, perhaps including people they have never met, yet reject its being delivered personally by someone they do know.

It could be another example of topsy-turvy thinking, where the real world is less real than the virtual one. That seems so apt that Miss Manners is reluctant to advance somewhat more reasonable explanations, but feels that she must.

This would be about the timing of your commiseration. Apparently you deliver it whenever you happen to run into one of these people, not when the misfortune occurred or you have read the communication. By then, the illness may have been cured, or a new job or romance have started.

Or you may have brought this up on a festive occasion, when someone who has been trying to forget his troubles has to snap back into seriousness, or on a solemn occasion, such as a funeral, when it might call undue attention to lesser misfortune.

If a reaction is warranted -- and Miss Manners does not expect you to post one every time a "contact" has weltschmerz -- it should be done when the news is received. And yes, a less public way than a posting -- a letter, a telephone call, or even an email -- is more dignified, although the recipient might not care.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend from first grade got married for the second time. We are both 43.

She says I abandoned her on her wedding day when I ran errands for 90 minutes before the hair and makeup lady came to her home. She said a bridesmaid is supposed to stay with the bride all day.

She was shaking and crying when I returned because her fiance had left 40 minutes before I returned, and she was completely alone. I had gone to get flowers and cards for her.

Was I wrong? Is it stated somewhere that I was to stay with her 24/7? I flew in from out of town and was staying at her home.

GENTLE READER: What grade are you folks in now?

Your friend apparently still goes by the buddy rule, where children are told to stay in pairs on excursions so they don't get lost. And she has you worried that doing wedding errands for her may have been an act of disloyalty.

Miss Manners would be happy to put this down to bridal jitters and tell you both to laugh about it now. But she can't help thinking that an adult would have said, "Must you go now? I'd rather you waited -- I just don't feel like being alone."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)