DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was brought up by a mother and grandmother who overvalued table manners as an indication of a person's character and general worth as a human being. I pride myself on not having such foolish priorities, and yet ...

I am the grandmother of three wonderful young women who all hold their knives and forks incorrectly when cutting their meat, and I'm afraid it drives me crazy.

Do you think I should just get over it, or can you suggest a way I might correct them without embarrassing them and/or myself?

GENTLE READER: Don't you think you owe your mother and grandmother a tardy apology? Perhaps what they meant was not that people who eat haphazardly are valueless as human beings. Perhaps what they meant was only that such people are yucky to watch. As you have discovered.

However, Miss Manners notices that you also owe your forebears thanks for having provided you with a tactful way of instructing your granddaughters. If you give them an amusing picture of yourself in rebellion against what you thought of as shallow concerns, you will head off their saying the same. Then you can tell them that oddly enough, it did turn out to be true that people, even high-minded people, are put off by poor table manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I want to not invite six people to whom a "save the date" notification was sent. How can I do this in a tactful way?

GENTLE READER: Cancel the event.

You can then re-plan it for a different time with another guest list. But Miss Manners considers any other solution to be the equivalent of saying on the telephone, "Thanks for holding," and then hanging up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a recent outing to my local supermarket, an individual who must have been in quite a hurry slipped in behind me at the checkout line. Though I had placed only a few of my items on the counter, she began to place hers at the end of the belt, leaving me only a few inches to continue adding my own.

In her haste to unload her groceries, she must have pushed her carriage and it hit the back of my legs. I turned to look at her and she apologized. I acknowledged her apology, and, after having finished placing my items, moved up to the card reader to swipe my debit card.

I felt a presence behind me, and there she was, allowing me no privacy to enter my PIN, making it necessary for me to place my hands over the device to ensure it could not be read. What does one do in this situation?

I had no desire to make a scene, but wish I could have thought of something to say that was kind and to the point to let this individual know that she was repeatedly violating my personal space.

GENTLE READER: It would be more effective to let this individual know that she is repeatedly violating her own interests.

Miss Manners suggests halting your transaction to turn and say pleasantly, "I'll be able to oblige you by doing this faster if you will allow me the room I need." If you say it clearly, the people in line behind the offender will turn their impatience on her.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I disagree when it comes to the ban on families giving bridal or baby showers. In my day, it was the bridesmaids who gave the shower, but today bridesmaids have extra expenses -- engagement parties, dress, shoes, hair, makeup, gift and hotel room. Same goes for a baby shower -- usually it's your friends, but they have families of their own.

With today's economy, it's very hard to budget that expense, and some friends live out of state. In most families, parents can finance the showers.

GENTLE READER: Really? Why does Miss Manners suspect that you have a popular but unengaged daughter, and that you might change your mind when you are faced with financing an entire wedding? Could it be because so many of the people who take issue with Miss Manners are seeing only their own side, and not that of others, to whom they cheerfully assign whatever they wish to escape?

The funny thing is that Miss Manners also tries to rescue bridesmaids and other friends who feel -- or worse, are told -- that they must give parties they can ill afford. But she does not accept the premise by which you merely reassign the expense: the unfortunately widespread belief that lavish showers are an essential part of wedding festivities.

Bridal showers, and for that matter, baby showers, are supposed to be informal gatherings of the honoree's close friends, who give charming little (repeat: little) presents befitting the circumstances-to-be. For the honoree's parents to give showers, whether or not they can afford to do so, not only looks vulgar because of the focus on presents, but also destroys the premise.

Those monster showers given today have become a burden on both hosts and guests, another in a series of events designed to collect whatever goods the honorees have announced that they want.

Miss Manners' antidote is not, like yours, to stick someone else with the bill. It is to return the shower to its proper place as an optional, lighthearted gathering of intimate friends.

Bridesmaids who decide that they want to give such a party would first figure out what they can afford, as indeed any host should. A tea or dessert party in someone's home would not only be inexpensive but, to Miss Manners' mind, far more delightful than anything held in a commercial establishment, however pretentious.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to an out-of-state job transfer, I am unable to spend as much time with my grandchildren as I would like. My ex-husband's new wife, who I suspect would rather spend less time with my grandchildren, texts photos of my grandchildren to me. I am not entirely sure of her motivation. How should I respond?

GENTLE READER: The motivation? You mean because it couldn't possibly be that she thought you would like to see pictures of your grandchildren?

Miss Manners gathers that you are looking for a way to construe this as a vicious act to which you can make a withering reply. You will have to do that on your own. In the meantime, please thank the lady. No dispassionate person could construe this as being an insult.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The performance has been magnificent. The curtain has fallen. The audience applauds. The stars come out for their curtain calls preceded by the supporting members of the cast.

The audience cheers appropriately and is thrilled with the excitement and good mood that comes with seeing such a wonderful show -- or much of the audience, that is. Some get up to leave the instant the last line is spoken or before, without giving so much as a single clap in recognition or appreciation.

I'm not talking about declining the opportunity to spend 10 minutes in a standing ovation. I'm talking about scrambling to leave before the house lights are on.

Do I have your permission to become so entranced by the goings-on on stage while standing and cheering that I block the people who are trying to trample over me so they can avoid the crowded traffic in the parking lot?

GENTLE READER: Or so they can relieve the baby sitter? Or catch the last train home? Or prevent themselves from booing a performance they disliked?

Miss Manners adores the theater and claps enthusiastically to express her enjoyment. But that is because she holds with theatrical tradition in considering the curtain call the proper time for the audience to express its opinion, not for it to give thanks.

When she does not enjoy a professional performance, she does not avail herself of the opportunity to boo, because she is too shy. But she admits to relishing it when a more robust attendee lets it be known that a production is pretentious or vulgar.

Does that make her disrespectful of the feelings of the artists involved? On the contrary, she respects them by not treating them like children who are told "Good job!" for every effort, no matter how misguided. Or like amateurs, whose invited guests should properly offer what compliments they can.

The upside for professionals, should others discriminate, would be knowing that the applause meant genuine appreciation, and that standing applause signaled an extraordinary success.

So please don't block the aisles.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just graduated from college and my mom sent out announcements to family and friends. I received graduation money in all the cards except for one.

Do I send a thank-you note to the people who did not send money? (They are more than capable of sending money.) I have sent out thank-you notes to everyone else except these people.

GENTLE READER: You are correct that all presents require letters of thanks, and that congratulations alone do not.

However, Miss Manners hopes that those who received your graduation announcements knew that they were obligated only to congratulate you, and that anything more was strictly voluntary. It is a fine achievement to finish college, but not one for which you are paid through a tax that is levied on family and friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have heard that gentlemen do not wear gold jewelry after dark. Is this true, and why would that be so?

GENTLE READER: That is not a custom with which Miss Manners is familiar. But then, the gentlemen she knows keep their wedding rings on their fingers when they go out after dark.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)