DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I went to a window showroom where I was offended that the "window expert" was chewing gum the entire time of her presentation. She appeared too casual, not professional, and very annoying. Secondly, she made several unnecessary, negative references to our president, indicating that he was responsible for the low number of the glass for which one can get a tax credit.

She said, "He lived in Hawaii. What does he know about cold weather?"

We ended up going to a different window dealer since it was this person who would have come to our house to measure, etc., and I honestly could not stand another interview with the gum-chewing and her political views.

Is there anything I could have done that would be within the bounds of good taste?

GENTLE READER: It must have been hard to resist pointing out that the president's home is in Chicago, where they do have a bit of cold weather now and then.

But why react at all? You wanted to escape from this person, not converse with her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can I properly invite people to a restaurant for a surprise party and expect them to pay their way?

GENTLE READER: This has certainly become a popular way to surprise people. They think they have been invited out to dinner, and -- surprise! -- they are given a bill.

This does not make it proper, but it does make Miss Manners feel that she should warn people to be careful when accepting what sounds like hospitality.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has two grown children from his first marriage; I do not have any. Whenever we are in a social setting, talking with people we don't know well or are just meeting, they ask, "Do you guys have kids?"

I know the proper answer is "no." My husband always has to throw in, "Well, I have a son and daughter from my first marriage."

I see this as inappropriate for several reasons. Am I incorrect in thinking that we need to just answer "no" and move on with the conversation? I feel this level of laundry airing to be unnecessary.

GENTLE READER: Laundry airing? To admit to having children?

Miss Manners is sorry, but this does not meet the modern standard for a dirty little secret. Besides, "no" is not, as you suppose, a correct answer. Your husband has children, and you have stepchildren.

It may help you to remember that your interlocutors have no deep interest in the provenance of these children. They are merely trying to start a conversation. More likely, they are angling for an opening to talk about their children. So all either of you need say is, "Yes, two, both grown up. And you?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to want to shake someone's hand while they are eating?

GENTLE READER: It's messy. And Miss Manners fails to see why it would be necessary. If the two are eating together, it's a bit late to shake hands, and if one person has just come upon the other, say at a restaurant, the greeting should be fleet enough not to require the diner to swivel or stand in order to reach out a hand.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend's son wants to go to a concert, and she is not sure if he is too young at age 6. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: When Miss Manners hears the word "concert," she thinks of the symphony, and if little Wolfgang wants to go, why not take him?

The only prerequisite is that she first teach him concert manners, including sitting quietly and not clapping between symphonic movements.

Wait -- is it possible that Miss Manners' definition of a concert is somewhat narrow? Could little Wolfgang be thinking of something with a bit more noise, obscenity, sex and possibly violence?

In that case, it would not be a good idea to teach him how the audience behaves. The best way to is to keep him home until he is old enough to drive himself there.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been invited to events where "heavy appetizers" were promised. Typically these are evening affairs. My question is, should I make plans with friends for a light supper before or after the event, or just assume that heavy appetizers equals an evening meal?

Incidentally, I am not quick to line up at food tables and have found that some items are gone while I am standing and visiting with friends.

GENTLE READER: This sounds to Miss Manners like a good reason to make dinner plans. Presumably, those who ate your share won't have to.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, my niece told me that she didn't get the nice gifts at her wedding that her sister did because they were living together, and married quickly due to my sister and her husband's unhappiness at their arrangement. So she said she was going to renew her vows when they were married 10 years.

Well, that is this year. The subject was brought up when my family was together this past week. I told my sister and her husband that I didn't believe it was proper to renew your vows at 10 years and expect guests to bring gifts.

My sister informed me that they weren't doing that now, and that her daughter was having twins (she has two sons now) and they are having a baby shower. I was more receptive to a baby shower than pledging your vows and expecting a new toaster.

Am I out in left field on expectations of people renewing their vows?

GENTLE READER: What the purpose is of renewing vows is something Miss Manners has never understood. Wedding vows are supposed to be permanent (all evidence to the contrary). Where in the marriage contract is the renewal option?

But she at least supposed that the motivation was sentimental: "I'd marry you again tomorrow -- or whenever we can book the hall."

Your niece was engaging in no such fond foolishness. She simply wants people to buy her stuff, and one excuse will do as well as another. She even seems to be throwing her own baby shower, rather than depending on friends to do so.

The object strikes Miss Manners as the same in both cases, but your finding a difference gives you an excuse to retreat from carping about behavior you are unlikely to change.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend recently had a baby, and every time I visit her, she asks, "Do you want to change the baby's diapers?"

I can't imagine why she keeps offering this, and frankly, I have no interest in doing so. It's not like this mom is overwhelmed and hinting for help; she has in-home child care assistance.

What is the best response to decline her "offer"?

GENTLE READER: Are you sure you want to decline such an honor? Here your friend is offering you the chance to be of service to the most important person in the universe, and you intend to pass it up?

Very well. Miss Manners suggests, "No, thank you. But how kind of you to offer."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About four years ago, my husband had to resign from his ministry position because of inappropriate behavior in a past parish that became a legal matter. After his resignation from the church -- at which there had been no problem -- we remained in the community, but began attending another church.

In these past years, we have continued to be connected with some of our former church members closely and others not so closely. But the people remain close to my heart. It was hard to leave that congregation where we had been for seven happy years.

Many of the young people we worked with have been getting married. Only a handful have invited us to their weddings. It brings sadness to me to not be invited. I still care about these young people and their parents.

I would like to send a wedding gift, but wonder if it is inappropriate to send a gift when not invited to the wedding. I simply want to express my congratulations along with a message of continued care.

GENTLE READER: That would be lovely if Miss Manners were not worried about that "message of continued care." Your present and congratulations alone say that. Adding the message you propose suggests that while you haven't forgotten to care, they have.

It's a subtle nuance. But then, people do pick up on such nuances. You surely noticed that Miss Manners is the first person to become newly aware of your husband's history without asking what his inappropriate behavior was.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My story and question are as follows: I recently moved to another state after meeting a gentleman on the Internet. We had a three-month courtship where we took turns driving back and forth. I then moved, and the relationship dissolved -- definitely not a match!

I now (several months later) have met another gentleman in the area of whom I'm very fond. I'm meeting his friends and family. When they ask me a question such as, "So, what brought you from North Carolina to Virginia?" I don't want to say a flopped Internet relationship. What would be the appropriate thing to say in response to this type of question?

GENTLE READER: "Why, it must have been fate."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)