DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to bring a new girlfriend to an ex-girlfriend's birthday party at a local bar with a favorite band?

GENTLE READER: OK with whom?

The band probably doesn't mind, but the lady whose birthday it is might. Miss Manners has no way of knowing, but unless that lady said, "Oh, do bring along your new love -- I'm dying to meet her," it may not be a good idea. Come to think of it, if that is what the lady actually said, it may be an even worse idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Oh, I need guidance! I have become friends with a woman at my son's preschool. She is funny and wry. So I invited her over for a glass of wine and a snicky-snack.

This was our first meeting to get to know each other. She showed up and I got her a glass. She seemed fine, then boom! She was stumbling, and in the very long 45 minutes she was there, she managed to put me, my children and environment in danger.

Inappropriate! Then she drove off drunk.

When I saw her next, she acted like nothing happened. I do not want to cultivate a relationship with her, yet I feel the need to tell her what she did (in case she was blacked out). I also feel that she may be putting her own children at risk. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Well, you might have tried to stop her from driving off drunk, but apparently you missed the chance.

What good you could do now by chasing her down to extract a confession or an apology is less clear to Miss Manners. You haven't even known her long enough to be sure that this is not a one-time incident. Perhaps she was taking a new medicine without realizing that it was incompatible with alcohol.

But if she is, in fact, alcoholic, your finding her out, as those close to her must have done, is highly unlikely to be a life-changing revelation. The school might not know, however, and is in a better position than you to watch out for the children.

Just please promise Miss Manners that you will alert an official there discreetly and not overstate what you know, which is only that you once saw her driving when she shouldn't have. You did, after all, indulge in hyperbole when you said that her drinking endangered you, your children and your environment. Or did you neglect mentioning that she tried to set your house on fire?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have Parkinson's disease, which tends to make me awkward and a bit slow. I would like some gentle, charming way to excuse my slowness when I'm with people I don't know -- in a checkout line, for example. Just a comment to explain the circumstances. I look perfectly normal -- just fumble-fingered.

GENTLE READER: You should not have to excuse yourself routinely, as people who are similarly gentle and charming should not expect everyone to operate at top speed. But Miss Manners doesn't doubt that you have often been subjected to the rattle of shopping carts accompanied by exaggerated sighs. That is the time to turn with a smile and say, "Sorry -- I'm going as fast as I can."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance of mine sends me almost daily emails. During the election in 2008, she sent very rude messages about the party to which she was opposed, which happens to be the party for which I voted. After a while, I simply deleted them.

She has started again with the insults, and I don't know if I should keep deleting them or make it clear that I do not appreciate her opinions. She is not a good friend, but I do not want to antagonize her, as she has done me some favors in the past.

However, I do not know how to gracefully handle this situation. Should I politely mention that I do not find these emails funny, or should I just be a wimp and delete them?

GENTLE READER: What is the purpose you hope to achieve? Well, besides saving yourself a few seconds on the delete key?

Miss Manners presumes that you regularly perform the chore we all now have of clearing the in-box of unwanted mail that manages to sneak through the spam filter. But she doubts that you consider responding to repeated sales pitches, pleas from foreigners who need your bank account number to claim their inheritances, and unsubstantiated warnings from ill-informed alarmists.

Yet you have trouble dismissing your acquaintance's emails. See if you can overcome that.

First, dispense with the notion that you can disparage the lady's wit and wisdom without offending her. It can't be done. You may be sure that any answer you give will provoke more of the statements you are trying to avoid.

Then ask yourself whether you want to enter into a political debate with someone you find rude and insulting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend of eight months surprised me on my birthday with a pair of what I am sure were overpriced, expensive earrings. They are pretty, but they will never be worn. They will sit in my jewelry box unless I go to a wedding.

I feel terrible about this. He probably paid too much for what they are. I would much rather have something else and less expensive. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I know he tried so hard.

What do I do? Keep them in the box for the rest of their lives or be honest?

GENTLE READER: An extremely proper excuse is available to you if you care to use it. That is that a lady does not accept expensive presents from any gentleman who is neither related to her nor in the act of asking to be. You need only thank him profusely but say that you cannot possibly accept anything so valuable.

No? Miss Manners is not surprised. We do not live in an era that understands such delicacy, and you are not likely to be familiar with it. Besides, you already accepted the earrings.

So wear them. Not every day, not even often, but on special occasions, even minor ones such as a dinner out. Ignoring a present, or, worse, asking for a trade-in, is a good way to discourage warmth and generosity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the most polite and least conspicuous way to excuse myself from the company of a business client when I find it necessary to use "the facilities"?

This pertains to the client's office and in a restaurant setting. I try to time it for the beginning (prior to being in the company of my client whenever possible) or at the end of the meeting.

I've rarely met with the most thoughtful of clients who ask prior to our sitting down together. I know there is a simple answer.

GENTLE READER: Once past toilet training, you cannot really count on others' asking you whether you need to go to the bathroom. So it is indeed necessary for you to take charge by deciding when and finding out where.

Miss Manners is pleased to observe that you understand the importance of euphemisms in this situation (although the quotation marks were unnecessary, as facilities is already a euphemism). "I have to pee now" is unlikely to be taken as a sign that you will be equally forthright and honest in your business dealings.

The simple answer is that in a restaurant, you need only say, "Excuse me." In the client's office, the statement that you would like to freshen up a bit should elicit directions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 3-year-old cousin is our flower girl and her mom, my aunt, is my matron of honor. The problem is her mother-in-law wants to come to the wedding.

I don't want that because Kristin, the flower girl, will be wanting to be with her grandmother over my family. My family is perfectly capable of getting Kristin ready for the wedding that day, which is the reason my aunt wants her mother-in-law to come.

I'm having to watch the number of people I invite. I mentioned the problem to my grandmother, who found out the mother-in-law is coming, regardless of whether she receives an invitation.

So how do get her not to come?

GENTLE READER: Hire a bouncer?

Miss Manners strongly suggests that instead, you squeeze this lady in. As she apparently plans to attend anyway, you might as well be gracious.

This should not be taken as a general policy toward self-invited guests. Deterrents include saying, "We'd love to see you on another occasion"; enlisting a mutual friend to intimate that appearing unasked would be embarrassing; and, as a last resort, posting a neutral person, such as an employee at the site, to say, "I'm sorry, Madam, but I don't believe you are expected."

But in this case you have your matron of honor, your aunt and the child's mother all saying that it would be a good idea. True, they all are the same person -- but in a better position than you to know what will best help ensure your flower girl's happiness and good behavior. You will have to trust Miss Manners that this will be more important to you than any unseemly family rivalry for the child's attention.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)