DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young and healthy 16-year-old. Over the last few months my family and I attended a lot of family events that involved seeing long-distance relatives. My sister and I found ourselves in an awkward position when greeting relatives who would say how skinny we are. I know that it is intended to be a compliment, but how does one respond to something like that?

I feel like saying "thank you" would have been agreeing with them, which seems rude. How should I have responded to this in a ladylike manner?

GENTLE READER: Why grown-ups think it is acceptable to assess young people's growth when they would be horrified if the young made such remarks to them, Miss Manners cannot imagine. Nevertheless, you do have to handle this graciously and not comment on their figures in return. You could say, "Well, yes, we're active teenagers." Do not -- repeat, not -- add "duh."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago I inherited my mother's extensive collection of silk scarves. These are very special to me, as I remember her wearing them, and even gave her several, as reminders of various art and museum collections we both enjoyed.

While I never remember noticing this when my mother wore these scarves, I find that whenever I wear them, the white tag listing the laundry instructions, origins or composition of the scarf inevitably shows no matter how I tie the scarf. Is this acceptable, or should I cut off these tags (perhaps saving them with a description of the scarf so I always have the pertinent information)?

GENTLE READER: Do you know anyone who was arrested for cutting off a mattress tag that said "Do not remove under penalty of law"?

Probably not, because the warning, which Miss Manners understands has now been amended, was intended for vendors, not buyers, legions of whom were unnecessarily intimidated. She mentions it only to reassure you that you may, in good conscience, rid yourself of the nuisance of trying to hide those tags in the folds by cutting them off.

That these scarves remind you of occasions with your mother is charming. It doesn't sound as if you need additional prompting from the tag, and the laundry instructions on every silk scarf Miss Manners has ever seen are "Dry clean only." But a little scrapbook of the tags with your notes would increase the charm for whoever inherits these scarves next.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It was my boyfriend's birthday dinner. I was running late, so I served a chicken bake, which is easy to prepare, 25 minutes in the oven. He took a couple bites and, as all of us sat there eating, he said he didn't like it.

I was embarrassed, to say the least. If it were just he and I at the table, I wouldn't have had my feelings hurt as much. Am I wrong to think a person is rude to voice an opinion as he did?

GENTLE READER: Yes, he was rude. If you refrained from dumping the chicken bake on his head, Miss Manners declares you a model of politeness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was a child, I was taught that it was in poor taste to talk about private parties and other invitation-only events in a group when not everyone was invited.

I find that this is not true anymore. I have a very loud acquaintance who wishes for everyone to know what she is up to. And I enjoy Facebook for keeping in touch with friends and relatives from far away. But when my local friends post public thank-yous on their FB walls to folks who gave parties I was not even invited to, I feel a bit slighted. These are local friends who requested to add me to their list of friends -- intimating that they wanted to keep in touch with me.

Is this the new norm? Should I ignore these posts? Should I join in the fray? Should I make judicious cuts to my list of Facebook friends? In short, in this time of Internet manners, what's a properly brought-up lady to do?

GENTLE READER: It is still in poor taste. But perhaps you have noticed that there is quite a lot of poor taste material on the Internet, which people post about themselves and others.

They have become their own paparazzi. Everybody can know what just about everyone else is doing pretty much all the time. Among other things one doesn't need to know, this reveals the fact that everyone is not invited to everything.

A proper lady does not accept a new "norm" that is basically inconsiderate of others just because it has become common. But Miss Manners would also expect her to pity people who don't know the right way to thank their hosts or to share their activities, and ignore what should not have been intended for her eyes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran into a high school friend last year who contacted me, four months later, about a part-time position in his marketing company. I've been with the company nine months now, and I'm unhappy with the feedback I receive. This is very negative to me, and I'm not seeing results of my hard work.

My manager tells me it's due to the economy and not to take it personally. However, for the past three or four months I've had sleepless nights, have come down with a cold several times and am generally just not motivated to go there in the morning. I have all the signs that I'm not happy with my job and it's time to move on.

The hard part is, how do I gently tell my manager that it's not working out for me, that the job is not a good match for me? After all, he did offer me a position after not being in contact with me for 20 years.

GENTLE READER: And very nice of him it was, which you must acknowledge. But that does not make you his indentured servant.

What you should tell him is how grateful you were to get the job, how much you have learned and how impressed you are with his company. Then, just when he thinks you are about to hit him for a raise, you say: "But it's time for me to move on. I'm so glad I had this experience, and I can't thank you enough for hiring me."

Miss Manners warns you that considering the bad feedback, this time he may not try to talk you out of leaving. By withholding your dissatisfaction, you don't make your friend feel bad for doing you a good turn.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a few friends and co-workers who, when they need to go to the restroom, feel it necessary to announce what they are going to do there ("I have to pee"), as if it makes a difference to me. I have absolutely no reason to know, but don't know how to politely tell them that.

GENTLE READER: There are so many charming things you could say: "Congratulations," "Good luck," "Have a good time," "Don't forget to write." Their announcements, however, would be charming only if coming from a toddler to a weary parent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is soon to be married. What are the traditional gifts for a mother to give her daughter on her wedding day?

GENTLE READER: Motherly advice, and a gingerly kiss, taking care that the advice does not spoil her mood and the kiss does not spoil her makeup.

Miss Manners is given to understand that it may no longer be necessary for mothers to enlighten their daughters about what happens on the wedding night, but there is surely last-minute wisdom to impart. For example, "Watch out that Papa doesn't step on your dress."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a single and child-free woman over 40, and one of the smartest things I ever did was scrimp, save and somehow manage to buy a two-unit building on my own before the housing market went haywire.

I am in occasional contact with an old friend from high school who lives less than an hour's drive away. She is married and lives with her husband and two adopted children in a single-family home that they purchased during what could be called the height of the housing market.

I have spoken to her twice in the last five or six years, and both times she has jokingly referred to me as a slumlord. I was quite surprised, and frankly offended, but did not know quite how to respond to that.

By calling me that, even in a joking manner, she seems to be implying a few things that are far from the truth: that I don't take care of my property I worked so hard to buy and maintain, that I rent my units to disreputable tenants, and that (since I lived in one of the units for many years) I myself would live in a slum.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I can gracefully inquire why she would call me a slumlord? I frankly find the term quite offensive, and wonder if there is something more to it -- perhaps secret envy of my financial independence? Or should I just assume she is making a rather bad joke and ignore it?

GENTLE READER: You are not required to have a sense of humor about being insulted. Miss Manners recommends your sounding stricken and saying, as if in disbelief, "How can you call me that?" and then explaining, as dryly as possible, your actual situation.

Your old friend will, of course, protest that she was only joking. This allows you to say, "But you know, this is a very serious matter," and to deliver another dry lecture about appalling conditions in slums.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)