DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband, who is 20 years my senior, works with a female who is 30 years his junior, and they have developed a "friendship." He tells me that he thinks of her as a daughter; however, they go for a beer every night after work, and this always turns into several beers.

Every time we have a disagreement, he always compares me to her. I have asked him point-blank if he is in love with this person (who, by the way, is also married). He has not said yes, but he has not said no.

They text each other at least 50 times a day. I have asked, to no avail, that they not text on weekends.

Am I the stupid one for wanting to fight for my husband? This woman even bought a secret phone so they can text each other and her husband does not find out.

I know in my own mind that if an affair has not yet happened, it is just a matter of time. How do I know all this? They invited me to have a beer with them, then I realized I was a decoy for them. As I write this, I realize just how dumb I am to stick around.

GENTLE READER: Glad to have been of help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law's mother passed away last year. Her mother's birthday is fast approaching, and I would like to honor her memory by presenting my mother-in-law with a wrist corsage to wear to church on the day. Is this an inappropriate expression of sympathy?

GENTLE READER: Yes. What is your mother-in-law supposed to say when her friends at church giggle and ask her whether she went to a dance the night before?

You are kind to remember the anniversary, but Miss Manners considers it a better idea to send flowers to the house, along with a few lovely words from your husband and you about his grandmother.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a chronic condition that makes the use of some kind of nose-tending a near-constant necessity. Previously I followed my mother's habit of carrying about paper napkins, but after reading you, I purchased a package of plain white cotton handkerchiefs instead.

I like them much more than the paper napkins, and they have many advantages that I'm sure I don't need to enumerate to you. However, I'm still not sure how to use them in polite company.

Around easy friends, I will just turn around and (carefully) blow my nose, but what about more polite company? It is a choice between using my handkerchief or my nose eventually running visibly, and I can't run to the restroom every few minutes.

Please provide some pointers on the best way to dab one's nose in polite company. I had this same dilemma with the paper napkins but never managed to resolve it.

GENTLE READER: Bless you. Not just for switching to handkerchiefs, but for worrying about offending others with your nose-blowing.

Unfortunately, it does, especially at mealtime. Dabbing, in contrast, does not. The difference, Miss Manners gathers, is in the soundtrack. A quiet gesture bringing the handkerchief to blot leaks before they drop, yes; but a honking blow, however satisfying, requires a trip to the bathroom.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell my second cousin (the mother of the groom) that she needs to wear a bra on the wedding day? The bride has come to me and asked me to ask her future mother-in-law to wear one. She never wears one, ever, and it is obvious that she does not.

Should I bring one with me to the wedding and at least make her put it on for photos? I don't want to hurt her feelings and I do want to help out the poor bride. What do I do? Should I be the one to do this? Her son refuses.

GENTLE READER: The spectacle of you dangling a brassiere at the wedding and ordering the bridegroom's mother to go put it on is so delicious that Miss Manners hates to have to kill it. But no, it is not a good idea.

If you are that lady's close friend, as well as her second cousin, perhaps you could ask her, well in advance, to model her dress for you. Then you could say, after the obligatory encouraging compliments, "but I think it's meant to be worn with a bra -- want me to get you one?"

Otherwise, you might consider that there is a reason that the son, who presumably knows her temperament, refuses to have anything to do with the matter. The help you can give is to say to the bride: "Honey, that's just the way she is, and she is going to be your mother-in-law, so you might as well accept her as she is. Anyway, no one is going to be looking at her. They'll all be looking at you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you possibly explain why people don't return phone calls?

When I call with a purpose in mind and ask that they please return my call, I expect an answer. But too often this is not the case. I am not calling just to chitchat; I'm seeking a specific answer. At times I will make a second call with the same result. I should note that I am not online yet.

When asked, "Did you get my recent phone call?" people will just brush it off with a lame, "Oh, I just forgot." How would you respond?

GENTLE READER: By asking how -- in what form -- one could get a prompt response from that person, if that were necessary.

Admittedly, Miss Manners would ask this somewhat coldly, as the response you describe suggests that these people did actually get your telephone messages.

But she is also aware that we are in a peculiar transitional period, when many people have all but abandoned telephoning, even though they carry telephones with them everywhere. They use its other functions to communicate in writing. These are less intrusive and more flexible about time.

When you say you are not online "yet," you are aware that it is necessary -- not, Miss Manners assures you, because you should placate people who ignored messages they received, but simply because it will be easier for you to reach people and get answers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When people are whispering in hearing distance and you hear your name mentioned, is it acceptable to ask what it is they are talking about?

GENTLE READER: You really should not acknowledge eavesdropping, even on people who are rudely whispering in your presence. But Miss Manners would think it reasonable for you to inquire, "Did you call me? I heard my name."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my friend's birthday party sleepover, a few of her other close friends were also invited, which is good because we are all good friends.

We were talking about the boys we like, and I told my friends, thinking they would keep my secret. I like a boy who goes to the school they go to, which I used to attend.

I am going back next year from the current school I attend. One of my friends who was at the party told me that one of the girls told this boy that I like him and that he doesn't like me.

I am so sad, and I don't know how to go about asking my friend about this.

GENTLE READER: Don't. Not unless you want her to run back to the gentleman in question and say, "She's all upset that I told you."

But don't be upset. All you have to do, when you are back in that school, is to refrain from showing any special interest in him. It is embarrassing enough to a teenage boy to be told by a third party that someone "likes" him -- and you may be sure embarrassment colored his response. But it is positively galling to find that it doesn't seem to be true.

This leaves him wondering: Did she get over me that easily? Was she disillusioned when she saw me up close at school? Is it possible that the whole thing was a hoax and all the girls are laughing at me?"

With all that churning in his mind, you may be sure he is thinking of you. What will come of that, Miss Manners cannot say.

But what should come of the experience for you is the knowledge that if you can't keep your own secrets, you cannot expect others to keep them, either. And anything said in a group might as well be put on the Internet. You are lucky it wasn't.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other night my husband and I invited another couple out for dinner. When the waitress came to take our order, my husband looked to the wife of the other couple to order first.

I say he should have looked to me, his wife, to order first, as I am the older and I am his wife. He says because we invited them, we defer to them.

I've never heard of that. I think he should defer to me, his wife! We are still fighting about this.

GENTLE READER: And is this increasing his desire to do honor to you?

If it did, Miss Manners fears that it would only incite you to greater rage. That is because the best thing he could do for you would be to protect you from being rude. Polite people defer to their guests, so female guests take precedence over the hostess.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)