DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where should a lady place her evening purse during dinner?

GENTLE READER: On her lap, where it will slip to the floor. This obliges her dinner partner, presuming he is a gentleman, to crawl around under the table in a most undignified but amusing manner, to retrieve all the pretty little things that will have spilled out of her purse on the trip downward.

If you do not care to witness this, or feel that a dinner partner might not be game, Miss Manners suggests tucking the purse behind you on your chair.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My good friend has just moved to a continuous-care community for seniors. She is enjoying her spacious two-bedroom apartment and the help the staff gives her, from moving boxes to installing her TV. The food is great, and she is glad to be free of her high-maintenance old home.

One problem: Residents are always complaining. The weather is bad; the food is bad; their arthritis is kicking up. How can she graciously redirect these people to more upbeat conversation?

GENTLE READER: By being her cheerful self and spreading her attitude around. Miss Manners warns that it is not going to be easy in what sounds like sourpuss land, but moods are contagious, and unless your friend keeps saying that she loves the rain, dinner was great and she hopes their health problems will improve, she is in danger of catching their gloom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we were at a very nice restaurant, one of the guests constantly was referring to her phone, to look up answers to questions, to show photos.

I asked her a question and she was looking at her phone, so I waited for her to look up at me. When she did, I explained that I did not know how to address someone looking elsewhere. She said she could multitask.

In this age of rude phoners, could we have some advice on the etiquette? I personally think at dinner or where there are live discussions, the phones should be turned off. My husband said I was rude to wait for her to look up at me before I conversed with her.

GENTLE READER: That's a nasty term -- "multitask." At best, it means, "I'll give you some of my attention, but don't expect it all." It is more likely to mean, "Well, I have to do something to stave off boredom when I'm with you."

Contrary to your husband's idea of rudeness, Miss Manners would consider it rude to address someone who is otherwise occupied -- and a waste of time to go out to dinner with such a person. Think of all the tasks you could be accomplishing instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the standard protocol for sending a wedding gift thank-you card? How many months?

GENTLE READER: It is not measured in months. It is measured in minutes. Twenty of them. Miss Manners is looking at her watch.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I went to my boyfriend's college town to celebrate the birthday (60 years) of one of his classmates, another one of his classmates (female), who lives in that town, proceeded to ask me questions about my relationship -- "How long have you really known him?" and "Are you really dating?" -- only to add an elaborate story of how they met in college.

It was obvious the crush still existed after 40 years. Almost jealous, she added comments like, "He didn't like me because I had small breasts."

I commented that one of the guests at our table was friendly and fun, only to have her comment back, "He's single," loud enough for my boyfriend to hear.

She continued with concerned, almost suspicious, comments about how my boyfriend doesn't share personal information with her (about me, the ex, children, work), and you could tell she was disturbed by not being more a part of his life.

I let her go on, but I would like to say something to her to let her know that it can't happen in the future.

Of course, I told him everything. He thought it was played best not to say anything, and he felt her comments were odd, too. I don't want to continue this secret with her as though I'm being faithful to her through this chat. I feel it was inappropriate, and honestly it is time to address the crush and let it crash.

GENTLE READER: Why? What does everyone hope for at a reunion? To hear that one's image has been cherished over the decades, and that one's present appearance does not douse the flame.

True, this was about your beau, not you, and he does not seem to find it particularly interesting or even amusing. Your attitude puzzles Miss Manners even more. The lady lives in another town, where you are not likely to see her again, the gentleman does not reciprocate her interest, and there is no question of sharing secrets, because you immediately relayed what she said.

Why, then, do you want to crush this crush? You need only have said, "Well, you have good taste. He is indeed wonderful and makes me very happy."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a widow for five years, and several women have criticized me for still wearing my wedding ring. One of them told me I was lying by still wearing it.

I told her I was wearing my ring due to men assuming I need a man if I am not wearing a wedding ring. As I am almost 70, I don't think I need to put up with any of this -- either by men or by the women who think I should not be wearing my wedding ring.

GENTLE READER: Just because they are mean, insulting, intrusive, and totally ignorant of either the spirit or the rules of etiquette?

Miss Manners hopes that your would-be suitors do not insinuate that you "need a man," which is insulting under any circumstances. But you do seem to need a new set of friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How many wedding gifts do you give?

-- One for the engagement.

-- One for each shower.

-- One for the wedding.

Is this correct?

GENTLE READER: The answer Miss Manners will give you is not what you would hear from most engaged couples or those who aid and abet them.

They tend to believe that marriage excites their relatives, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to the point of wanting to fulfill the couple's every material wish. And couples are rarely shy about stating what those are. They have even had the effrontery to claim that etiquette requires this matrimonial grab-fest, or at least sanctions it.

It does not. There is no such thing as a marriage tax that comes due whenever the would-be recipients declare it is.

Engagement presents were a rarity until a decade or two ago. Perhaps a favorite aunt might be so moved, or a prospective mother-in-law might give the bride a family bauble to wear at the wedding. But no one showed up with a present at an engagement party, because the purpose of the party was for the parents to announce the engagement as a surprise.

Multiple showers are warranted only when the bride or the couple has more than one distinct set of intimate friends. They should not be catch-all occasions, and nobody should be expected to attend more than one. Anyway, shower presents should be charming but trivial, and not comparable to wedding presents.

And while wedding presents are serious, those are not expected twice, either. Miss Manners has nothing to say against your feeling generous to a friend who is being married for the second or fourth time, but etiquette considers wedding presents to be associated only with first weddings.

You will have noticed that these customs date from a time when a couple would not announce their engagement on the social networks before their parents had a chance to tell anyone, and when a first marriage would represent their initial foray into joint housekeeping.

Traditions do change when there is a compelling reason for them to do so. But today's blatant avarice does not inspire Miss Manners to declare that bridal couples are permitted to exploit their friends, relatives and colleagues.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of our family members invited us for his child's birthday party. After two days he called us just to confirm whether we would be attending the same.

Let me also inform you that this type of call was made only to us, and no other guests were asked the same thing.

Do you think it was appropriate for him to have such partial treatment? I am not able to assess his real intention in asking us about our attendance.

GENTLE READER: His intention was to find out if you would be attending.

Only if you had already answered the invitation, and have a clean record of never once having accepted an invitation and failed to attend (unless run over by a truck), will Miss Manners allow you to be properly indignant about this call.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)