DEAR MISS MANNERS: For years now, I have had people's phone numbers sitting in my mobile like everyone else; some I do call, and some I don't. I have debated time and time again as to whether or not I should call the people who I haven't spoken with in years to see if they would like to meet and "hang out," for lack of better term.

We parted with no bad blood, but I can't help but shake the feeling that they have all moved on, and at best have no room for me in their lives. At worst, they may not want to speak with me due to a nasty rumor or two. Still, I wonder: what if I did make contact with them? How do I know that they want nothing to do with me?

We haven't spoke in so long, maybe they keep thinking the same thing about me when they look at my number. I was just wondering, what does etiquette dictate in these circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Looking up people with whom one has lost touch is practically the national pastime now that so many have made themselves available on Internet social sites. So Miss Manners appreciates your reminding her to explain how to do this politely.

As you surmise, not all such approaches are welcome, nasty rumors or not, although many are, and it is worth trying. One should give the other person the choice -- but first, one should give the opportunity to figure out that caller-out-of-the-blue is.

Thus writing, electronic or not, is better than telephoning. You can explain fully who you are, so that the recipient can say gracefully, "Of course I remember you." Then you say you would love to hear from that person. Then you wait.

No response? With all the "friend" requests careening around, one cannot afford, emotionally, to take silence as an insult. People are otherwise occupied, overwhelmed, forgetful, careless and -- oh, yes, they may not have liked you back then. All the more loss for them, considering the fine person you presumably turned into since.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately, I'm receiving a number of business and alumni invitations that begin with "the honor of your presence is requested..."

I thought this wording was only appropriate for use for a ceremony in a church or synagogue.

Am I hopelessly old-fashioned? What are the uses for "pleasure of your company" and "honour (or lately, honor) of your presence"? Please bring me up to date.

GENTLE READER: The latest development is that people keep getting it wrong.

Actually this has been going on for some time now, more than half a century. The rise of the cult of informality did not, as would have been reasonable, lead to using informal forms. Rather, it led to scrambling formal forms until the traditional wording was forgotten.

But not by you or Miss Manners. You are correct that "honour" or (equally correctly and more suitably for Americans) "honor of your presence" is for services held in a house of worship, and "pleasure of your company" for those that are not.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help! I am not a professional photographer and I only own a point-and-click camera, but I seem to be the only person in the last several years who has taken a camera to parties, family gatherings, school plays, etc.

Afterward and sometimes during the event, I am asked to take pictures and "send" them to several people. Generally, I will receive phone call after phone call or constant emails inquiring about "my pictures."

I have replied that I will get the pictures to you, but be forewarned that it won't be anytime soon, as I am busy. I don't mind the occasional photo for a friend, but I do mind the request for 30 pictures from several people. What is a polite response?

GENTLE READER: You might point out to these people that that funny part of their cellular telephones that they never knew what to do with is a camera.

And although this is not the technology department, Miss Manners will point out to you that even if your camera is not digital, you can easily scan your pictures and email them to many people at once.

Not that you should have to do so. Favors may be politely refused: "Sorry, I just take them for my own files."

But really, that is only palatable if you have not created expectations by cajoling people into posing, jumping in the way of spectators, or, like the ubiquitous telephone-camera operators, snapping candid shots without the subjects' permission. Miss Manners fails to see how you would get pictures without doing at least one of these.

She is at least glad not to have to count you among those who commit all of these nuisances and then embarrass their friends by posting the results online for all to see.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter graduated with her masters degree, sent out announcements and then informed me I am obligated to give a gift and pay for announcements. After paying for high school then college then a gift for a bachelor's degree then the entire wedding, when will this end?

GENTLE READER: When one of the following happens: You teach her not to present her mother with demands, or you learn to say no to her. Miss Manners doesn't have much hope for either at this stage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do bridesmaids buy wedding gifts?

GENTLE READER: You mean if they haven't been thoroughly cleaned out already by buying dresses they hate, giving showers to a standard dictated by the bride, participating in what now passes for ladylike entertainment, such as spa splurges and bar nights, and meeting the related expenses of travel?

Yes, Miss Manners is afraid so, although your present may be as modest as your means. The time to economize is earlier, by resisting extravagant demands or suggestions, preferably in league with the other bridesmaids.

And the response to an invitation to be a bridesmaid should always be, "I'm highly honored and I'd love to, but can you tell me, please, what it will involve?"

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a boy call my daughter. They are both in kindergarten. I feel that is too young to have boys calling my daughter. I gently told the boy that she could not come to the phone.

He called right back, so I told him the same thing again, very nicely, and then asked to speak to his mom. I told her that I had met her son at school and thought he was a handsome and sweet boy, but I didn't want to start a pattern of my 5-year-old daughter receiving phone calls yet. I explained it was nothing personal, just a personal family decision. I also said that I would love to arrange a play date, but I would prefer to have the moms set that up, rather than the kids.

I have told a few of my friends about the conversation and they all acted shocked about my decision. They said they agreed that kindergarten was too young, but they wouldn't have said anything. They said that I was very "bold."

By the looks on their faces and the tone of their voice, I felt like that was a bad thing.

How should I have handled it differently? What is the age that kids should start calling the opposite sex? I was hoping for junior high.

GENTLE READER: Do you believe that the young gentleman from kindergarten was planning to ask your daughter to join him for cocktails and dancing? Might he have declared that she had stolen his heart and asked her to console him?

Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with your withholding telephone privileges from your very young daughter. What shocks her, and perhaps startled your friends, is the fear of overtures from the opposite sex. You are either ahead of the times, in assuming that the ever-decreasing age of romantic interest has sunk to kindergarten, or behind the times in not recognizing that simple friendships also exist between the genders at all ages.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We will write out my daughter's wedding invitations on ecru paper, in formal style -- Mr. and Mrs. Happy Parents request the honour of your presence, etc.

Should we use the same kind of card stock used for engraved invitations?

If using folder style (instead of panel), do we write on the outside or the inside? Are inside envelopes necessary in order to indicate exactly who is invited if all members of the household are not included in the invitation?

My daughter and I dislike reply cards so we are taking a chance and not using them. We anticipate needing to make a number of follow-up phone calls, but since only close family members and intimate friends are on the invitation list, it will be nice to chat.

GENTLE READER: You have chosen the prettiest and most gracious way of issuing a wedding invitation. The most expensive engraved invitations are merely a concession to the fact that few people have the time or the handwriting to write by hand.

The style is therefore the same, with the writing on the outside of the folded sheet, preferably of that heavy stock. Two envelopes are used, not to indicate who is invited -- both outside and inside envelope should contain those names -- but to protect the invitation from the ravages of the postal system.

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