DEAR MISS MANNERS: I apologize in advance if the mere discussion of this topic is itself impolite, but I am nevertheless eager for some guidance on the topic of reading in the bathroom. It seems generally accepted that people read everything from poetry to the daily mail in the bathroom.

Indeed, I imagine some of your gentle readers may be enjoying this very column in that manner. So I will assume, but am prepared to be corrected, that reading in the bathroom is, as a general matter, acceptable.

My specific question is whether it is impolite to bring reading material into a public restroom. For example, when I am at a coffee shop and bring a newspaper into the bathroom, for all to see as I enter and exit. I don't know if that's impolite, but I do know that I feel somewhat sheepish about it, and that I often try to be discreet about what I bring with me. As another example, at work I will sometimes bring a document to the restroom, again feeling somewhat concerned that my co-workers find the conduct to be improper.

Is this impolite? Should I simply kick the habit?

GENTLE READER-- You are asking Miss Manners to break her habit of refusing to deal with bathroom questions. Her general position is that once you close the bathroom door, she does not care to follow you. What you do in there does not concern her, and this includes reading.

But thanks anyway for your vivid picture of her Gentle Readers.

However, this has to do with being on the way to the bathroom and how it affects your colleagues and others, so she supposes she had better tackle it.

It is not the act of reading that may be alarming to those who use the same public bathroom. What acts you perform in private space there are no more their business than Miss Manners'.

It is the appearance of your planning to be there forever, or at least for as long as it takes you to finish "Anna Karenina" or the annual report. Colleagues and strangers may be more reluctant than family members to bang and shout, "Are you going to be in there all day?" Miss Manners therefore recommends sneaking in your reading material and bookmarking it when you hear footsteps.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepmother-in-law to-be recently informed me that she intends to wear her own wedding dress to our upcoming nuptials, in the interest of economy. I obligingly smiled and nodded. My fiance's father remarried last autumn, and his bride wore a cocktail length dress with an ivory bodice and metallic skirt; although the dress was probably not designed as a bridal gown, I'm still moderately troubled.

If you could, please impart wisdom as to how I might gently and respectfully resolve this issue.

GENTLE READER: There is no need: Your smiling and nodding has already resolved this issue gently and respectfully.

A bride can properly set the general style of the wedding, but not properly judge everyone's wardrobe choice. Surely you have enough else to do, such as maintaining family harmony. Miss Manners promises you that no one will mistake the bridegroom's stepmother for the bride.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the toast at a birthday dinner for a dear friend, the birthday boy was hesitant to raise his glass, saying he'd heard that you're not supposed to toast yourself.

No one else at the table had heard of this rule, and while we all agreed that we didn't consider it bad form to raise your glass once someone else gives a toast in your honor, we're curious: Is it proper for the toast honoree to refrain from raising their own glass?

GENTLE READER: Absolutely. Miss Manners is reminded of the story that King George VI of England (most recently of "The King's Speech") was asked by his younger daughter whether, when his subjects sang "God Save the King," he should sing "God Save Me."

The answer is no, you do not tout or toast yourself. Please pass the word to your friends and to anyone you know who is getting married.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our aging but healthy father was recently brutally murdered in his home in another country. Dealing with his death, the facts of his murder, and the opaque bureaucracies of the other country has all been extremely painful, as you can imagine.

But others cannot. So some of them respond to hearing this news by launching into their own tales of woe.

To be sure, some of the tales are indeed woeful, but these people are not in the second week of this particular nightmare. It's almost as if, now that they've found someone who is suffering, they believe they're in good company, company that will happily listen attentively and be warm and soothing to them.

Nothing could be further from the truth. We want them to mumble condolences and then ask us what we need or just shut up. What do we say to people who do this?

GENTLE READER: You are kind to interpret this as the presumption of sympathetic understanding. Cynical old Miss Manners sees it as an attempt to trump your tragedy and focus attention back on themselves.

She suggests cutting this off with a gentle, "Forgive me, I do sympathize with you, but right now I'm dealing with all the tragedy I can bear."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I really can't stand the sound of someone slurping their coffee, tea or soup. Is slurping rude and done by someone who has no manners or should I need to put up with it?

GENTLE READER: Yes on the first half of your question and probably yes on the second. Unless the slurper happens to be your own minor child, in which case you can say, "Stop -- you're driving me crazy" several thousand times. On behalf of all of us, Miss Manners wishes you good luck with that.

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(EDITORS The second question contains language readers might find objectionable. )

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to stop prying, rude comments from acquaintances regarding a recent, painful divorce? I need a comment that I can memorize that will immediately stop the painful prying and extricate me from further conversation on the subject, during any occasion, as these seem to occur and take me by painful surprise every time.

GENTLE READER: A gentleman of Miss Manners' acquaintance does a little dialogue when he suspects that his infant daughter might be in serious need of a diaper change.

"Is there something you should tell me?" he asks her.

Then, because she is not yet talking, he answers for her in a sweet little voice: "I'd rather not say."

Considering the variety of nosy questions people feel free to ask these days, the phrase will no doubt be of use to her in future years, and Miss Manners recommends it to you now.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a niece who recently married into our family. In less than one year, we've been invited to bridal shower, wedding and recently a baby shower. To which I now ask, if you planned an event and you had RSVP's, the event comes and goes and the very next day .... this niece posts this bulletin on Facebook! "If you r.s.v.p for an event please show up, if you r.s.v.p. no, then thank you even if it's last minute. S

t does come up yes, however a phone call or text only takes a minute. It's rude not, especially if you already r.s.v.p.'d. If you get pissed off when you read this then you are probably a person that does this. If you think I'm a b

ch when you read this, well then join the club and realize I don't give a f

k."

GENTLE READER: Charming niece you've got there. And isn't Miss Manners fortunate to have someone like that defending etiquette? Please give her condolences to your nephew.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I went out to dinner at a moderately priced restaurant with another couple, it was a bit of a treat for all of us to be out together on a weeknight as both of our families have new babies. We budgeted for this dinner accordingly. However, I was a bit shocked when my husband bluntly asked for the price of the special after the waitress had finished her introduction. Granted, in many places, the wait staff includes the price in the initial explanation, so there's no guesswork. But, while I appreciate the frugal sentiment behind my husband's query, I wasn't sure if it was polite to bring this up in front of our dining companions. Which is correct -- for the waiter to offer the prices up front, or barring that, for the patron to ask?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, it would be fairer for the waiter to state the price, as is done in some restaurants. But if this is not done, of course your husband should ask the price.

Miss Manners reminds you that a restaurant is a commercial establishment that sells cooked food. If you were grocery shopping with a friend, would you be embarrassed to ask the price of something that is not marked?

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