DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm afraid I often encourage nimrods who are ranting (parroting) Hate Radio. I'm one of the few people in existence who actually listens when others talk. And when listening, one occasionally grunts "Uh huh" to show we're still there.

Unfortunately, "Uh huh" can convey both "I hear you" and "I agree." I certainly don't agree, but I wonder if there's some other noise one can make that simply registers, "I heard." Perhaps you can suggest some noise. One that's even shaded toward, "For the love of God, have you listened to yourself?" "You're spouting blither, you fool!" would be even better.

Occasionally, I get irked that I'm used as a sounding board, since what's transpiring is in no way a "conversation," but that's another topic. Who said, "A bore deprives you of solitude while denying you company"?

GENTLE READER: The word for which you are searching is "Really?" Miss Manners asks you to please note the question mark, which indicates a polite form of skepticism, but, if said gently, is interpreted merely as encouragement to continue ranting, rendering it polite if also self-sacrificing.

But that is only one service that this useful little word can perform. If rendered as "Well, RE-a-lly!" it can express mild indignation. A flat "Oh, really" is a sign that one's attention is wandering.

Yet the beauty of "really" is that it is almost never perceived as an insult. Possibly because, as you have observed, bores tend not to listen to others.

And the answer to your other question is Giovanni Vincenzo Gravina, the 17th- to 18th-century literary figure and jurist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I no longer enjoy my job and am currently looking for employment elsewhere. However, because I hate my job, due in very large part to my coworkers, I may give my notice before I have a different job.

Considering I do the lion's share of the work in my department, and everyone makes light comments about how the other girl always gets out of working (ha, ha isn't that hilarious), I just know I may have to give my two weeks one day when I simply have had enough!

The problem is that from the time I resign until I finally walk out for the last time, everyone will want to know why and also what I will be doing.

If I have a job, it's no problem. But if not, I am afraid I'll say something very true that will also be rude. So, I was wondering if you could suggest some answer that is polite and that I can practice so that I don't say it in the tone I'm probably thinking it in.

GENTLE READER: Good; let's work on tone.

What you will have to say is, "I haven't quite decided" or "I can't talk about it yet." But Miss Manners can hear the tone in your head: a fine mixture of bitterness, anger and self-pity conveying, "All right, you horrid people, you've driven me away, and I don't even know where my next job is coming from."

As you have guessed, this will not shame them. It will only make them decide that you had "problems" -- meaning other than themselves.

The tone you need to develop is one of barely suppressed excitement and satisfaction. You might practice saying the necessary statements while thinking how you would say it if you had a White House appointment that you were not allowed to discuss before the president announced it.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a box for a popular outdoor concert venue every summer. Last season, we invited my husband's boss and his wife to join us for the finale.

They did, and we had a wonderful time, although, they had gone through four bottles of wine before intermission! The venue allows people to bring picnics and wine, but I thought four was a little much. But they were perfectly behaved, so I didn't think much of it.

However, when we invited them again this year, they brought six bottles so they wouldn't run out. Well, during the second act, they were talking so loud, and causing so much of a commotion, that two other boxes asked us to be quiet during the concert. I was greatly embarrassed, because our guests truly were behaving badly by disrupting the concert, and we know these other patrons, as we see them all summer.

How do we politely get out of inviting them next year? Unfortunately, before the concert started, my husband told them what a wonderful tradition having them come to the finale is. "We should do this every year!"

What do I do if it comes up again? I really don't want to take them.

GENTLE READER: Wait -- did they each consume three bottles of wine before intermission? And you know from last time that four bottles did not affect them -- and this time, six only made them loud?

Oh, my.

But the good news is that their memories may not be as clear as you fear. At any rate, Miss Manners advises you to act on that assumption.

Well in advance of next year's concerts, start filling up your box. You, not your husband, so that if his boss brings it up, he can report, apologetically, that you have gone ahead and invited people.

You say nothing of you or your husband's having a nip, but another symptom of drink, besides boisterousness and various physical problems, is an exaggerated sense of warmth and hospitality, even, apparently, to one's boss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was married about 10 months ago. Occasionally, I will see someone socially who has not yet given us a wedding gift. Often, they will say, "Oh! I haven't gotten you a wedding present yet, what do you still need?" or they will simply ask, "Did I ever get you a present?"

I appreciate that these guests are still thinking about this, but I'm not really sure how to respond. I was taught my whole life that the appropriate response is, "Oh, you needn't get me anything at all, your presence was the only gift we needed." However, I am finding more and more people are starting to take these words at face value, and to be perfectly frank, while I don't expect gifts, I certainly do appreciate receiving them. Of course it is unthinkable for me to dictate what a person should purchase, or to tell them flat out that they did not send a gift, so I'm really baffled. What is the correct response?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, you have such marvelous taste, I'm sure we'll love anything you choose."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you tell me if it would be considered OK to cut your steak with a fork?

GENTLE READER: Certainly, but would you please first tell Miss Manners where it is possible to find steak tender enough to be cut with a fork?

Weird as it may seem, there is a complicated historical hierarchy that applies to flatware. Even more oddly, it is not the oldest implement that is most respected.

Lowest rank goes to the spoon, presumably -- in the form of some sort of scoop -- the oldest means of eating other than the fingers. Next comes the knife, which was, for centuries, used both to spear and to eat. Yes, the same individual knives, ick.

Then along came the fork, from Constantinople to Italy in the 12th century, and from Italy to France in the 16th century. The English were particularly slow in taking it up, and the world was well into the 19th century before it became universal there.

But then the fork became the instrument of choice in the western world, which it has remained.

At that point, the hierarchy goes into reverse. Those specialized items that were made in Victorian times (and still scare people, although they -- the items, not the people -- were long since melted down for their silver content) were rather sniffed at when they appeared.

So you had the following bizarre situation among the fastidious:

Whole fish on plate. High crime to use knife to fillet it because knives are intended for meat. But the darn thing is full of tiny bones. Fish knives invented, featuring clever little notch at tip for lifting the flesh from the bone. No, can't use that, too new. We believe in the fork above all.

Solution: Serve two forks for each plate of fish, to be used to pry the flesh in opposite directions with object of uncovering bones.

Personally, Miss Manners got tired of that silly spectacle and accepted the fish knife, the law against using a meat knife on fish being still on the books.

But you see the point -- well, maybe not the point, but the fact -- of the fork's paramount position. So if you can eat steak with a fork, even if you have a meat knife at your disposal, you will win the admiration of anyone versed in flatware history.

Which is to say, probably only Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Almost every time I step outside or take a walk to the park, I pass people who seem to be missing certain articles of clothing. Is there anything one can do (short of "getting over it") when one finds barenaked children or shirtless men swarming about them and in some cases sitting next to them on a park bench?

GENTLE READER: Move to a cold climate.

The ability to say "You can't run around like that -- now go put some decent clothes on" is limited to parents' addressing their children. And, Miss Manners regrets to say, it doesn't always have the intended effect even then.

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