DEAR MISS MANNERS: Will you come to my rescue and share with me a wise and prudent response to the "wisdom" that comes sometimes from the mouths of mere babes?

Such as when I pick my 4-year-old up from day care, and one of her little classmates observes, quite loudly and openly, "You have a big belly."

What can you say in response to that, without setting another bad example yourself? I don't quite feel right instructing the offender in proper social behavior, and I want to set a good example for my child of being comfortable with my body image.

GENTLE READER: One lesson at a time, please. How would you demonstrate that you are proud of your body while also chastising the person who drew attention to it?

Miss Manners suggests that you confuse the classmate by saying, "Thank you." Thus, the offense will pass unnoticed by your daughter until later, when you explain to her that it is rude to comment about other people's appearances. Any discussion you want to have about your pride in your belly should be saved for still later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was always taught that when eating, to close the lips over the fork or spoon. Lately I have noticed several TV ads that have happy people eating some delightful dish that has been advertised, and drawing the food from their teeth with a big smile on their faces and their teeth bared. For some reason, this makes me shudder! What is the proper (mannerly) way to do this?

GENTLE READER: With the television set off. You were taught properly, and if there are to be revisions in manners, Miss Manners promises you that they will not be announced through behavior demonstrated in television advertisements.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can we convince a family who live on an adjacent street to park there -- in front of their own home? Our quiet little street has a limited amount of parking around our cul de sac. Many of us need to park in front of our houses because of disabilities. The people who "hog" our street with their cars have to climb several steps to enter their house from the front street level, so they prefer to park on our street and walk a few steps through the alley to their back entrance. That means we have to sometimes park in front of their house, especially late at night, and then walk on their street to another street and then turn onto our street. These offensive folk would only have to walk up steps and they are home.

Not only do they prevent us from parking, but they block our guests, tradesmen, landscape and other workmen who have heavy equipment or large items to deliver. And they will leave a car parked in one spot for weeks at a time.

GENTLE READER: When asking for a courtesy, it is best to put words like "hog" out of your mind and your vocabulary. You understand, Miss Manners trusts, that these are public streets, and you have no legal claim to the space.

Since there seem to be several people on your street who are inconvenienced, perhaps you could arrange a small gathering where you could all become better acquainted with your neighbors. Food, drink, pleasant chit-chat, and only then "By the way, I wonder if you could find parking nearer to your house..."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a very large U.S.-based corporation where I was involved in a discussion involving plans for a luncheon. An individual involved with the planning had selected one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.

I politely objected. I suggested that given the unfortunate economic situation we are experiencing in our country, it was inappropriate to have such a "lavish" event hosted by such a well-known corporation.

My thoughts are based primarily on issues of politeness rather than public relations. Would you be so kind to provide your thoughts on this matter?

GENTLE READER: The distinction you make, between politeness and public relations, is an interesting one. Miss Manners fears that you may mean that the former is being considerate of others, while the latter is merely giving that appearance.

In a perfect world, the two would be the same. In an imperfect world, politeness is not always the result of pure good-heartedness, but shares the incentive of wanting to make a good appearance.

The important difference here is that etiquette also believes in adhering to standards for their own sake, without regard to whether that impresses others. Notably, it believes in modesty and restrained good taste, concepts that public relations might easily dismiss as being counterproductive to getting people's attention and demonstrating one's power and wealth.

But this happens to be a time when the public has reason to embrace those concepts. A bad economic situation makes ostentation look callous, rather than enviably successful. It doesn't even look genuine now that everyone has seen so many lavish spenders caught in bankruptcy or fraud.

Notice that Miss Manners is making the case in terms of public relations, not etiquette, as you asked and had a right to expect. She just figured that saying that ostentation --for example, spending more on each lunch than your low-ranking employees might spend for the week's groceries-- is always in bad taste would not impress your colleagues. That it would anger those employees and make the general public suspicious is an argument they might understand.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who throws home parties quite regularly in which different products are sold. Along with the invitation, she asks me to bring a dish for her guests. She also asks this of me for her children's birthday parties.

I can't help but feel like this is a bit tacky, since in going to either kind of party, you are expected to purchase something (this seems to be an unspoken etiquette "do"). After all, guests who are invited to a wedding would never be expected to bring a dish to pass. Am I feeling overly offended?

GENTLE READER: No, but you are overly optimistic. In fact, the idea of guests-as-caterers has spread to some weddings, and the idea of guests as customers and donors is everywhere. Miss Manners asks you not to call this "unspoken etiquette" when the proper term would be "unspeakable."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: You see a lot of cleavage in all sorts of settings these days, and most of it has been exposed proudly and purposely, so I'm used to trying to ignore such things. I'm sure it is none of my business to point out unwise clothing choices, even if I find it the overexposure embarrassing or offensive.

If there's a chance that person is unaware that he/she's unintentionally exposed a private part of his/her body, it's another matter and makes me feel that I should do something to help if I can.

Yesterday, I stopped to get gas and while standing next to my car, looked over at a young woman who was squatting beside her car putting air into her tire. Her back was to me. She was wearing medical scrubs, which had slipped down to a really embarrassing position, exposing part of her lower back and derriere. It was pretty clear she wasn't wearing underwear.

I thought, "No one wants to see that kind of cleavage," but noticed several other customers had noticed and were amused at the view. I thought about saying something to her so she could pull up her pants and stop the show, but what? She knew she left the house without underwear and the breezy cool day should have signaled her that she had way too much exposed. I suppose there was a chance she didn't know, but just as a good a chance that she knew and didn't really care.

I thought about strolling over to block the view of her back from the other customers, but didn't want to call any more attention to her. I ended up looking away and doing nothing. I felt bad about it.

I have girls this age and would hate to think of strangers ogling them that way. We used to see similar examples of all kinds of cleavage overexposure on a regular basis at a college where I worked. Students would gather between classes right outside our windows. Girls in low-waisted jeans would sit on a brick ledge and boys would gather on the sidewalk in back of them to take in the view.

Most of those girls really didn't care. I know this because some of the female faculty tried to talk with them discreetly and were rudely dismissed until they finally gave up trying. What should I have done in these situations?

GENTLE READER: Do, please, hold onto that realization that you cannot go around policing the dress code. It would be rude, as well as what you have already discovered -- futile.

If you promise Miss Manners to confine yourself to cases where you have good reason to assume that the revelations are unintentional, she will allow you to whisper, "I don't know if you realize that you have an audience."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When escorting a lady down the aisle, as in a wedding, which is the correct position of the man's right forearm? Is it horizontal across the front or down near the right side? I did the former. Was I correct? A cupcake and a glass of punch is riding on your answer.

GENTLE READER: You are correct, but Miss Manners begs you to let go of the lady before you get overly triumphant and slosh punch on her nice dress.

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