DEAR MISS MANNERS: With the onset of global warming, now more than ever must we be more environmentally aware and do more to ensure a safer planet for all of us. I believe that making small changes in everyday life can have a great impact on creating a more eco-friendly world.

That said, it irritates me to see other people being wasteful and ignorant of how their behavior is so damaging. For example, a roommate used to leave the water running while she brushed her teeth.

I can easily correct my friends and family, but what about people, like my roommate, with whom I am not as close? The incident with her occurred over a year ago, and I still feel guilty for not correcting her behavior.

As an environmentalist, I feel I should say something, but is it appropriate? And, if so, how should I say it?

GENTLE READER: With the same tact that Miss Manners is trying to muster in explaining to you that going around correcting others without invitation has (as you would put it) an impact on creating an unfriendly world.

That is not to say that you cannot discuss and explain environmentalism as long as you show people the respect that you feel for the planet.

Miss Manners gathers that you did not care for your roommate, or you would not be brooding about this a year later. But please get that irritation under control. If you are pleasant, you can talk about your dedication and even mention your habits -- saying, for example, that you turn off the water while brushing your teeth. That is more human-friendly than denouncing others' ignorance and issuing them orders.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 37-year-old Silicon Valley professional who wears hearing aids. I can hear without them, but it takes more effort.

Sometimes, my hearing aids cause the inside of my ears to itch. If I am alone in my cube, I will take them out, scratch inside my ears, and let my ears air out.

But what is proper etiquette if I am in a business meeting? Is it rude to take out a hearing aid and scratch inside my ear? I would still be able to hear the discussion if I did that. Should I excuse myself from the meeting and then go to the restroom to do it? If I do that, I might miss hearing some important information. I also think that leaving the meeting might be considered worse etiquette. So what should I do?

GENTLE READER: If getting a more comfortable hearing aid is possible, Miss Manners strongly urges you to do so. Otherwise, whoever is speaking when you remove yours is going to be rattled, thinking you consider him not worth listening to.

Her back-up suggestions are, in order of propriety:

-- Scratch before the meeting. If the meeting lasts too long for that to help, you may be sure that there will be other people excusing themselves for other reasons.

-- Confide in a colleague and ask that person to take notes while you are absent.

-- Learn to lean a hand against the offending ear, and perform this without anyone's being able to see what you are doing.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently went to a very "lax" after-dinner party where we knew only the host and one other couple. While we were there, the host as well as several other guests kept texting other people.

It seemed that every time I was in the middle of a conversation (at least five different times), the person I was talking with started to text someone from their cell phone.

The first couple of times, I tried to say casually that it was offensive, but after a while, I got more aggressive, saying it was rude and felt to me like they were whispering in front of me.

The casual response was always something like, "It's work related" or "I'm only texting my husband."

I didn't feel that was appropriate, either. If they were on the phone, shouldn't they at least say, "Excuse me, I have to take this call"?

Am I wrong to be offended? Should I have handled it differently? I have always liked the host, but I told my husband afterward that I don't intend on attending future gatherings.

GENTLE READER: Party? It sounds like study hall.

You don't really need Miss Manners to tell you that it is always rude when you are in the midst of talking to someone to have that person turn to someone else, by whatever means. This is just another version of the party guest who looks over your shoulder in the hope of finding someone more interesting.

Such types never seem to succeed, do they? It doesn't matter with whom they find themselves -- they keep turning to someone else, even someone who isn't there.

Well, let them. You can't go around scolding people. But you can excuse yourself from their company the minute you lose their attention. It is only considerate to let them focus on the company they evidentially prefer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I were married a month and a half ago, we received congratulatory cards and gifts from virtually all friends and family, except his parents.

I feel awkward even writing about this, but it seems a little odd not to receive a wedding present from his parents. They hosted a rehearsal dinner at their home, so perhaps that was their wedding gift to us -- we aren't really sure.

They are quite stable financially, so I honestly think that has nothing to do with it. I have talked to my husband about the situation, and he said he thought his mother wanted to wait until after the wedding to give us a gift that we did not get from other guests.

Neither of us wants to say anything to them about it, lest it be assumed we are trolling for gifts. Still, my feelings are quite hurt that we did not even receive so much as a card from them. Do you have any suggestions for us?

GENTLE READER: That you stop looking for alternative ways to troll for gifts.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband passed away at the end of last year, and I want to know what is the protocol for a female spouse in mourning as far as wearing black or mourning colors. Can you tell me how long I should wear my wedding band, or can I continue to wear it?

GENTLE READER: No, and neither can anyone else.

Yes, Miss Manners knows that etiquette used to be in this in a big way. In high Victorian times, two and a half years in mourning were prescribed for a widow: total black with a dull finish (a satiny surface was considered too exciting) for a year and a day; then black silk and black ribbons, laces and jewelry were allowed; and in the final six months, called half-mourning, one could go wild with touches of mauve or lavender.

As different degrees of mourning were also observed for all sorts of other relatives, you can imagine that the Victorian lady had no desire for Little Black Dresses in her ordinary wardrobe. (Those who present historical dramas do not seem to be able to imagine this, and supposedly festive scenes, in plays, films and opera, are commonly costumed as if the guests' families had all been mowed down.)

Such mourning practices were overthrown, not only because they were unduly cumbersome and depressing, but because of the scope of World War I casualties. But (as usual) it was not long before society went to the opposite extreme, wiping out all forms of mourning until even the funeral is now supposed to be cheerful and upbeat.

But mourning rituals serve a purpose. They comfort the bereaved, in providing a sign of respect for the dead, and they protect them from people who want to explain the stages of grief to them.

It seems to Miss Manners that sensible mourning, in modern times, would be black clothes during the time that you do not want to have people urging you to get over it and behave as before, and then quiet colors until you feel ready to re-enter normal social life.

Whether you ever remove your wedding ring is entirely up to you. The only thing the Victorians had to say on the subject was that it should absolutely be done by the morning of a wedding ceremony with a subsequent gentleman.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a young teenage daughter who is with child, and we have found that strangers will approach her and ask her how old she is, whether she has sought medical attention for her "condition" and how involved the child's father is.

Her response is to be defensive, or attack with vulgarity those questioning her, and I find myself wanting to do the same, though I don't.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, that would confirm the impression that your daughter is -- as the automatic phrase once was -- in trouble, warranting outside interference.

Rather, Miss Manners suggests a sweet smile, along with "Please excuse me, but I'm planning to teach my child not to let strangers get personal with him, so I had better practice that myself."

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