DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last night, when I was shopping in a nationally known, chain-type drugstore in my neighborhood, I noticed three different signs that contained misspellings.

These were the kind of signs that are input by someone into a computer, and then are generated by the computer into a professional-looking typed sign. They were very large and noticeable signs.

When I saw the first misspelled sign, I mentioned it to a young lady who was working in one of the nearby aisles, and she and I both laughed about it. Later, when two more came to my attention, I started feeling like it wasn't that funny.

I work as a proofreader and editor, and it disappoints me to see so many mistakes regarding the English language. Would it be rude to call the store and mention the mistakes to the manager, in a polite way, of course? Part of me believes that I would be remiss if I did not bring the matter to someone's attention.

GENTLE READER: The desire to lead the entire world to correctness is an urge with which Miss Manners has the greatest sympathy. Even if leads to proofreading your drugstore.

But neither of us can run around insulting people, which is what an amazing number of people do when they detect errors, little thinking that they are committing worse errors in so doing.

This applies to correcting individuals, however, not institutions. So you may inform those in authority to act (which the salesperson you approached probably was not) on mistakes of which you sympathetically know they would want to be aware.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is accommodating a single woman into a group of several couples enough of a headache to make the couples not want to make the effort, and, if so, why?

I have been a female member of such a group for the past 16 years. For the first half, I was married, but for most of the second half, I have been single. At first, I was an active participant in most group activities, but over the past three or four years, my status has slowly wound down to that of "fifth wheel."

I now see my old friends at an occasional holiday party or dinner at one of the houses, or one-on-one lunches with the wives once or twice a year. While this has been happening, due to slips of tongues and e-mail comments, I am forced to learn of a fair number of group get-togethers that I had not known about or been a part of.

I promise that the only reason I can imagine that I have been separated from the main group activities is my single status, and frankly, since these people were such good friends for so long, I am puzzled. What does Miss Manners suggest for a lady who finds herself disheartened and exhausted trying to figure out what she should do about this situation?

GENTLE READER: For reasons ranging from cruel thoughtlessness to nasty suspicions, it is not uncommon for couples to drop someone who becomes single.

But it can also happen out of excess compassion. The gentlemen refuse to allow the single lady to contribute to the expenses of outing, and then get tired of paying for her. Or the ladies feel they should find her a date for the evening and can't.

In any case, doing something about it is preferable to brooding. Miss Manners recommends your putting aside hurt feelings and issuing invitations and excursion suggestions to these people until they resume the habit of including you.

:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am confused about the growing habit of wearing high heels without stockings. I feel as though I am not dressed properly without hose, and yet people will deliberately ask me (even at embassy functions) if I am wearing stockings, as though I am making a major mistake.

Is there a rule, a difference between wearing peptone or sandal high heels and pumps? What is the purpose of sandalfoot hose if not for showing toes when dressed up? Is there a difference between warmer and colder climates? Is there a rule about wearing different style shoes for dress?

GENTLE READER: The world situation must be better than Miss Manners thought if people at embassies have the luxury of getting worked up over whether the guests are wearing stockings.

Perhaps this is merely a weather-related conversation opener, to which the answer should be, "Yes, and I thought I'd faint from the heat while I was trying to get a taxi."

Because of course the answer is yes, although it is also the case that people should not be checking out one another's legs to find out. Visibly bare legs (Miss Manners knows and says nothing about whatever is hidden under long skirts or trousers) are wrong for any even slightly formal occasion, and bare toes (as opposed to those discreetly veiled inside those strappy evening shoes that look so good and feel so terrible) are even more wrong.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a student working at a summer camp with 120 campers. Every day we have to move all of those children out in half an hour with a precise system of binders and designated areas and yellow tape.

Some parents are making business calls when a person approaches them with a binder, and they don't seem to want to hang up. This slows down our system considerably. What can I say to the parents who cannot wait to talk about their stock options?

GENTLE READER: Whatever you say, they are not listening. As a student summer employee, you will not have the authority to make rules, and Miss Manners is afraid that parents who have already shown themselves willing to inconvenience others will resent any attempt to comply.

Ah, but as a student summer employee, you will enhance your own standing with your employers if you make suggestions -- for them to issue as rules -- that will improve conditions. The one Miss Manners recommends is that two lines be established for pick-ups: cell phone lines and cell phone-free lines. The camp will not have to worry about policing this; other parents will be only too eager to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took my family to lunch, and the granddaughter gave the food orders. I told her, "You give the order to the man in the group and he passes it on to the waiter." RIGHT?

GENTLE READER: Not right enough for you to shout it like that.

Your granddaughter should have given you her order because you were the host. That rule still holds. And nice, old-fashioned ladies like Miss Manners still direct their choices to the gentleman with whom they are dining, to the bewilderment of young waiters, who can hear perfectly well what is being said.

But the host factor takes precedence. Should your granddaughter take you out to lunch, you should give her your order.

:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The week before I planned a Sunday picnic, I worked very hard getting my backyard all weeded and flower-filled. I pride myself on my little "English Garden" and couldn't wait to entertain in it. We decided to start late in the day (4 p.m.) so that all the neighbors would have their noisy mowing, etc., done.

My company came, we gathered our drinks and the hors d'oeuvres and settled ourselves outside. That's when my neighbor, whose backyard abuts ours, cranked up his power washer. In all fairness, we have a 6-foot fence, and I really believe he didn't see us.

Nevertheless, we could not hear each other talk, and it really put a cramp in my plans. My husband tried to get the guy's attention (to no avail) to ask him to please shut it down for an hour. The rest of us protested this, since (I guess) everyone has a right to do whatever they please on their own property.

So we all trooped back inside. An hour or so later, when the noise stopped, my husband (furious by this time) went over and told the neighbor (angrily) that he had ruined our picnic. And, of course, now we have bad blood between us.

I think we did the mannerly thing by going inside and just trying to make the best of it. And I think my husband was wrong in losing his temper with Mr. Neighbor, yet I really don't blame him. I was mad, too.

Did we have the right to ask him to shut down so that we could picnic in peace and quiet? After all, it WAS a Sunday. Isn't there some unwritten manners rule about making that kind of noise on a Sunday? What should we have done?

GENTLE READER: Why couldn't you have gotten your neighbor's attention by going over, tapping him on the shoulder and saying "Excuse me" before asking him, as a favor, to use his power washer later?

And why are you carrying on about rights instead of courtesies? A right, it seems to Miss Manners, would be to have a peaceful neighborhood, and your husband's action worked against that.

As you acknowledge, your neighbor was unaware of your party, which was held long after the hours on which it is understood that noise (including party noise) might disturb those who sleep late. You have no reason to suppose that he might not have complied with your request had it been delivered courteously. An apology from your husband is now in order.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The service people that come to my home -- handymen, repairmen, food delivery, etc. -- all seem to think I want to hear about their lives, their health and even their pets. I feel as though I am being held captive and paying for it as well.

I don't want to be rude because I need the services they were hired to do, but I think they are rude for using my time. I do not want to be their friend, and I am not interested in their lives. All I want is for them to provide the service they have been hired to do. Is there a polite way to get this message across without coming on too strong?

GENTLE READER: "That's very interesting. Now I'm afraid I have to get to work, too. I'll be right within. Call if you need me."

: