DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please address the protocol of providing toiletries for one's houseguests.

My budget does not permit me to provide a basket of luxury bath items, but I always supply my guest bathroom with a fresh bar of bath soap, an ample supply of my favorite brand of shampoo and conditioner, and other items upon the guest's request.

In the past, I have supplied travel-size shampoo and conditioner, but larger bottles are more economical. Prior to my most recent guest's arrival, I placed almost-full bottles, so I had no reason to believe she might run out of either product during her four-day stay.

After her departure, I was surprised to find the bottle of conditioner gone. I initially thought I must have misjudged the amount in it and that she must have used it all. However, the remaining bottle of matching shampoo was still rather full.

This leads me to believe that my guest either used abnormally large amounts of conditioner during her stay or that she took a mostly full bottle without asking me. In my opinion, either scenario would require communication to the hostess, either a casual mention that one had used the last of the conditioner or a request to take the bottle.

Coincidentally, all the toilet tissue from the guest bathroom was also gone following my guest's departure, including several extra rolls, which I had deemed sufficient supply for her stay, but I am trying not to speculate too much on that one. (My guest didn't notify me of a shortage, and I did not notice it until after her departure.)

Obviously, a missing bottle of conditioner isn't worth a confrontation, so I will probably never know if my guest swiped it. I don't want to think uncharitable thoughts of my guest without justification, however, and wonder if my thinking is in the wrong.

Selfishly, I should mention that I anticipate having to share a bathroom with this person on an upcoming trip, and wonder if I should bring an extra supply of bath products, or simply hide my toiletries when I'm not using them. I have no problem sharing with friends when they ask, by the way. Am I obligated to provide houseguests with take-home toiletries?

GENTLE READER: Couldn't your guest have accidentally spilled the bottle, been embarrassed to mention it, and used the toilet tissue to mop up?

But we weren't going to speculate on that. Anyway, Miss Manners would rather pontificate on the decline of civilization.

This can be seen in the fact that a significant enough number of people steal items from their hotel rooms that hotels find it expedient to provide cheaper items to slip into their luggage. This, in turn, led to the belief that stocking up on supplies (as opposed to using them on the spot, like the towels) is legitimate. It was bound to slip over into private life.

Miss Manners is gratified to find that the travel-sized bottles you used to supply were not acquired that way (or you would not have looked for something cheaper). You and she are probably the only people in the world who consider that these are to be used on the spot, not to restock one's own bathroom.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Under what conditions do you consider it appropriate for an elderly "lady" to drink beer directly from the bottle?

Specifically, in an upscale retirement facility, we have "happy hour" every Thursday afternoon from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. in a casual all-purpose room. Dinner is served in a very nice dining room following. A glass of wine is served with dinner if one wishes to have it.

Some residents leave the happy hour and bring their last cocktail, highball or beer with them to the dining room (which is OK).

One woman (age 70 to 75) brings a beer and drinks it from the bottle during her dinner. I contend that anyone who brings the beer with them should have it poured into a glass -- particularly an elderly woman.

Am I old-fashioned and behind the times? A picnic or watching a ball game at a sports bar might be OK.

GENTLE READER: Less seemly than drinking beer from a bottle in a proper dining room would be one diner chastising another over her table manners. Miss Manners trusts that you do not intend to do that, but that you merely want confirmation that chug-a-lugging is not becoming in such circumstances. No, it is not. For anyone of any age or gender.

However, you may also hope to reform the lady. Miss Manners insists that you not attempt it directly, but presumably you know the dining-room waiters. You might gently suggest that one of them make a habit of appearing with a glass saying, "Allow me to pour this for you, madam," and then removing the empty bottle.

This would make it a point of good service rather than bad manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does a request have to include the word "please" to be considered polite?

I certainly try to use the word "please," but I think it's OK to word a request differently, as long as it's still delivered nicely. For instance, "Would you mind getting me a glass of water while you're up?" or "Could you give me a hand with these groceries?"

My boyfriend feels differently, though, and when I say things like that, he says, "Please?" and then I say, "please!" and then he helps.

I'm OK with putting up with this rule of his, but I'm sure I say similar things to other people, and I wonder, do people think I'm rude?

GENTLE READER: This rule of his? You mean that you actually know the gentleman who is responsible for generations of children not being able to pry cookies out of their parents' hands without first saying "the magic word"?

Yes, people who make requests without saying "please" are considered rude. It sounds as if they are giving orders rather than asking favors.

But although Miss Manners does not understand your objection to the word, she will provide you with an acceptable substitute. You can get away with saying, instead, "I would be very grateful if you would be so kind as to..."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My city has replaced the traditional parking meters, where you insert coins, with machines that spit out tickets (after you insert coins) that indicate the expired time. The tickets are then placed on your dashboard. Therefore, it is not possible for the next person taking your parking spot to get a few extra free minutes.

Just as I was getting ready to purchase a ticket, a driver who was ready to get into his car in the parking spot behind me told me to hold on a second and he'd give me his ticket on which he still had 45 minutes. I gladly waited and thanked him.

That evening, I told my husband. He said I should have offered to pay the man for whatever the cost would have been for 45 minutes of parking.

I am ashamed to say that I never even thought about offering to reimburse the man. What is the proper etiquette for this new parking meter technology?

GENTLE READER: While she is all in favor of paying what one owes, Miss Manners has a hard time following your and your husband's reasoning.

It is her understanding that the city charges for street parking not just to be mean, but to get revenue and to ensure that there is fair turnover of parking spaces. She realizes, however, that the temptation to thwart both of these is so widespread as to qualify as a civic sport.

If you are trying to behave ethically, how do you come up with the idea that one driver can pay for the place and then sublet it to another? If you pay for parking, you should pay the city. If you are going to benefit from a questionable courtesy, you need only offer your thanks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had won and kept several gifts at showers, and it was not until I attended a baby shower, and all the gifts were for babies, did I realize that they were meant to be given to the guest of honor! I don't know when this custom began, but it is for the birds!

GENTLE READER: It is also for a generation that grew up being told that being the birthday child trumped all duties and consideration of one's guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I host a very large and elaborate Super Bowl party every year. As part of the party, I provide entrees, appetizers and beverages. The total cost of the party approaches $1,000 typically.

As part of the invitations I send for the party, in addition to the RSVP request, I typically ask that the guests attending chip in $5 to $10 towards the cost of the food and beverage. From an etiquette point of view, is a request to guests for a small contribution of this type impolite or poor manners?

GENTLE READER: Yes: "Hosts" do not "invite" people they call "guests" to pay for refreshments.

Ordinarily, Miss Manners would sympathize with you and suggest that you more modestly offer your house to a group of friends who would help set the rules for a cooperative gathering.

But that would not be likely to be either large or elaborate. The sort of party you describe should be given only by those who can afford it.

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