DEAR MISS MANNERS: My city has replaced the traditional parking meters, where you insert coins, with machines that spit out tickets (after you insert coins) that indicate the expired time. The tickets are then placed on your dashboard. Therefore, it is not possible for the next person taking your parking spot to get a few extra free minutes.

Just as I was getting ready to purchase a ticket, a driver who was ready to get into his car in the parking spot behind me told me to hold on a second and he'd give me his ticket on which he still had 45 minutes. I gladly waited and thanked him.

That evening, I told my husband. He said I should have offered to pay the man for whatever the cost would have been for 45 minutes of parking.

I am ashamed to say that I never even thought about offering to reimburse the man. What is the proper etiquette for this new parking meter technology?

GENTLE READER: While she is all in favor of paying what one owes, Miss Manners has a hard time following your and your husband's reasoning.

It is her understanding that the city charges for street parking not just to be mean, but to get revenue and to ensure that there is fair turnover of parking spaces. She realizes, however, that the temptation to thwart both of these is so widespread as to qualify as a civic sport.

If you are trying to behave ethically, how do you come up with the idea that one driver can pay for the place and then sublet it to another? If you pay for parking, you should pay the city. If you are going to benefit from a questionable courtesy, you need only offer your thanks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had won and kept several gifts at showers, and it was not until I attended a baby shower, and all the gifts were for babies, did I realize that they were meant to be given to the guest of honor! I don't know when this custom began, but it is for the birds!

GENTLE READER: It is also for a generation that grew up being told that being the birthday child trumped all duties and consideration of one's guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I host a very large and elaborate Super Bowl party every year. As part of the party, I provide entrees, appetizers and beverages. The total cost of the party approaches $1,000 typically.

As part of the invitations I send for the party, in addition to the RSVP request, I typically ask that the guests attending chip in $5 to $10 towards the cost of the food and beverage. From an etiquette point of view, is a request to guests for a small contribution of this type impolite or poor manners?

GENTLE READER: Yes: "Hosts" do not "invite" people they call "guests" to pay for refreshments.

Ordinarily, Miss Manners would sympathize with you and suggest that you more modestly offer your house to a group of friends who would help set the rules for a cooperative gathering.

But that would not be likely to be either large or elaborate. The sort of party you describe should be given only by those who can afford it.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an avid reader, but life is short, and the time allotted to reading even more so. I have a fairly good-sized cabinet lined with books I fully intend to read.

Despite these volumes, I still add to this pile, perhaps compulsively. Friends often foist upon me books they are sure I will enjoy. I can't imagine when.

Sometimes I have the presence of mind to at least determine whether it is a loan or a gift. I can say, "Oh, thank you so much, but it may be quite some time before I get to this and am able to return it to you." But then the response is, "Take your time, no hurry." Or, "Don't worry, I've read it," or some other such ambiguous response.

Certainly, I don't feel obligated to read it, but after a time, should I return it? If so, what do I say?

Even if it is a gift, shouldn't I offer some feedback after a time? How can I nicely say, "the gesture was appreciated, but I will never read the book"?

How sure do I need to be that it is a gift before I pass it on to some charitable organization that may, indeed, put it in the hands of someone who will enjoy reading it?

GENTLE READER: Finding out whether it is a present is certainly key, because then you will have to accept it and express your thanks before getting rid of it. When in doubt, you do this by saying, "Will you eventually be wanting this back?"

If the answer is no, and your initial plea of not being able to get to it does not work, Miss Manners is afraid you must accept it. And while she understands the annoyance of housing something that does not fit into your reading plans, she suggests at least a quick glance, because a friend's recommendation should carry a little weight.

If that glance enables you to pretend you have read it, then return it with thanks after a month, making sure to chose an occasion where you will not have the opportunity for a literary discussion with the lender. If not, you should give it storage until the lender inquires about it, when you may return it with apologies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a single gentleman, I am somewhat puzzled as to whether I should introduce my lady companion to others at a social event or let her introduce herself. If I were married, I would say, "I would like you to meet my wife...."

I have sometimes asked my companion whether she would like to introduce herself, but I'm unsure if this is correct. In short, does a gentleman always introduce the lady he's brought to a social engagement, regardless of the status of their relationship?

GENTLE READER: Or does he abandon her to her fate because he has no nameable attachment to her?

Miss Manners is shocked. If you bring a guest to a social event, of course you must introduce her around. An explanation of why you brought her is hardly necessary. All you have to know is her name.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance insists upon inserting sharp knives in the designated drying receptacle beside the sink with handle down / point up whereas I always insist upon such items to be placed point down / handle up.

My position is predicated on issues of safety whereas he insists that his elected modus operandi is dictated by issues of a sanitary nature.

I fear my relationship with the particular gentleman may be approaching a rather sad end should this matter not be resolved by a universally accepted arbitrator such as yourself.

GENTLE READER: This is a sink-side version of what is known as the traditional Newlywed Dishwasher Fight, because it often involves what should go into the dishwasher as well as how the flatware should be placed. Even if nothing else is left for after marriage these days, this conflict should be. Only the legal bonds of matrimony are strong enough to hold together couples of such opposing views.

Miss Manners is not going to take a position on which way the knives should face, as long as the two of you do not hold them facing each other. Since your gentleman is merely an acquaintance, she advises you to set them his way in his kitchen and him to set them your way in yours. Should the relationship lead to a shared household, get back to her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I think I have had it drummed into my head that the "hosting" of potluck parties, dinners, etc., is not appropriate in general.

But is there ever a polite way to "host" such a gathering? If it is not presented as an event with an invitation, but rather a group of friends at lunch one day bringing up the subject of, "We should do this more often -- what about a potluck dinner," is it more acceptable?

If not, what do you think of events like church socials, where everyone brings a "covered dish to share?" Do events like that fall into the "potluck" category? If not, is it only because they are not hosted by one individual?

As you can see, I'm a little confused. Any light you can shed on the subject would be greatly appreciated.

GENTLE READER: There are a number of terms being misused in this situation. While "potluck" once had the jolly connotation of always being ready to share whatever was on one's stove, it came to be used for a cooperative meal -- which can also be charming, provided nobody squabbles over the leftovers.

But now the term is used by people who fancy themselves "hosts" when they invite other people, whom they call "guests" to cater a meal for them. Free. And sometimes without warning, as the cooking requirement is mentioned only after the invitation is accepted.

Miss Manners has no objection whatsoever to cooperative or covered dish meals, provided that no one pretends that these are host-guest situations. One person may organize this and volunteer to provide the setting, but nobody is host in the sense of throwing a dinner party. Or everyone is.

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