DEAR MISS MANNERS: I met a man about a year ago through one of those online singles Web sites. We really hit it off right away and eventually became sexually intimate. At that point, I made it very clear that I had cancelled my subscription to the singles Web site, and I expected him to do the same.

He refused to do that, so I felt I had to break off the relationship. The idea that he was still active on this type of sites made me feel as if I was someone he was just "killing time" with until he met someone else.

We didn't see each other for six months, and then he contacted me recently. We picked up right where we had left off, and I was so happy to be back together with him. Then I realized that even though I had made myself very clear on the issue, he is still on the dating Web sites.

GENTLE READER: What is your question? Miss Manners is afraid that this person has also made himself very clear.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student working toward a degree in English teaching. My classmates and I find ourselves facing the following comments in a social setting:

"Oooh, you're an English major, I better watch what I say!" or when we slip up and say something grammatically incorrect, many around us laugh hysterically and holler, "I thought you were going to be an English teacher!"

We all find this rude, and it makes us uncomfortable, and we are not sure how to respond correctly to this. We do not wish to be snippy, but we would like to make it clear that we do not appreciate this sort of commentary.

GENTLE READER: You are getting off easy. As an English major in her time, Miss Manners recalls those tedious remarks, as well the one about how you expect to make a living out of that.

But she can assure you that there is a set of equally tedious remarks for every major, and that it only gets worse when you enter a profession. For example, when a committee of lawyers took Miss Manners to lunch to complain that they are bombarded with lawyer jokes -- but only after nearly every one of them had delivered a version of "Oh, Miss Manners is here, so I'd better watch my table manners!"

Talk about tedious.

But we cannot be rude in return. The most you can do is to refrain from smiling, as a way of conveying how many times you have heard this lame humor before, and to resolve never to voice the first silly thing that comes to mind about other people's majors and professions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A lady I know begins mopping her floors while the guests are still seated and milling around. When and what should be cleaned, and to what extent?

GENTLE READER: A lady properly mops her floors while entertaining guests if one of them has been sick on it. Or if she is hoping they will go home. And now that Miss Manners comes to think of it, the two conditions are not mutually exclusive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Clapping for oneself seems to be the norm these days, for example, when one's name is called at a gala dinner.

What is the proper thing to do when one's name is announced for congratulatory reasons? I can imagine rising a bit in one's seat, but what about when it would be awkward, for various reasons, to stand up?

GENTLE READER: As you seem to realize, Miss Manners does not espouse "the norm," but what is proper. With all the self-celebrating going on today, she expects to hear choruses of "For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow," which she does not intend to applaud. If you are singled out for attention, the proper procedure is to rise "a bit," as you put it, or just wave, with a modest smile and a word of thanks that may be simply mouthed. If you are listed with others, you need smile modestly only at those nearby who turn around to look at you.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college professor at a small university, and I have had several students take a snippy, rude or high-handed tone with me.

When offering a range of times at which I would be available to meet with a student, I was interrupted and told shortly, "Well, it will have to be after 3 on Monday, because that's the only time I'm free."

Another student wrote, "I just feel that we need to straighten this situation out and make sure that we're both on the same page!" when in fact she simply did not like the lateness policy.

A third told me, "I want to know what's happening with this grade, because I'm not used to getting grades like this and I'm going to medical school!"

To the written correspondence, I respond in a polite and coldly formal fashion. However, I have difficulty in person or on the phone. I would resort to a simple, neutral "I beg your pardon?" but I'm afraid that they will fail to grasp the intent of this reply.

How can I indicate that a student's tone is inappropriate without being rude in return?

GENTLE READER: By saying so.

It is true that Miss Manners spends many of her waking hours warning people against criticizing one another's behavior outright -- and yes, thank you, she sees the irony. (She offers instruction only upon request.)

But there are certain people who may properly insist on the etiquette of their domains: judges in courtrooms, parents in their households and teachers in their classrooms and offices. You cannot court-martial offenders, send them to their rooms or roam the campus handing out etiquette violations.

But you can insist on proper respect being maintained toward yourself and, for that matter, toward other students in your class. Think of it as a long-neglected part of their education. The reply to the cheeky remarks you quoted should be that you will discuss the matter when they address you in a civil fashion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Shortly after I started working in a small doctor's office, I found out I was pregnant, and I invited everyone in the office to come to the baby shower.

Now that my baby's first birthday is approaching, I'm not sure what the correct protocol is. Should the guest list for the shower and the first birthday be the same? I'm worried that I might come off as being too greedy if I invite all my co-workers and just plain rude if I don't.

GENTLE READER: Then invite only members of your family rather than any of your co-workers.

No doubt the latter were happy to knock off work to have some cake and celebrate your becoming a mother. But Miss Manners must tell you that this does not mean that they would be devastated to miss the opportunity to have more cake by attending a baby's birthday party on their own time. No, not even the small doctor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should my wife and I invite close neighborhood friends who have never met my ?daughter to her wedding? The wedding will be held in a neighborhood venue.

GENTLE READER: If they are close friends, they should be invited on that ground alone. Miss Manners hopes it was not your daughter who told you that only her friends should be invited to this family occasion.

But if they are simply close neighbors, with whom you have only a mild friendship, you should probably invite them on the grounds that they will otherwise complain about the traffic congestion.

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