DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I are both formerly divorced and each lives alone. We are both in our mid-50s. My fiancee's parents feel slighted because I did not ask their permission to marry their daughter.

Since my intended is both divorced and a grandmother, I did not consider it an obligation to ask her parents for her hand in marriage. Did I commit a faux pas?

GENTLE READER: Did you ever. You brought to these people's attention the harsh fact that their little girl is no longer subject to their rules and protection. Miss Manners advises apologizing for your oversight and presenting yourself as a suitor for the lady's hand. You might also want to check with her grandchildren, since this is apparently a touchy family.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my high school reunion, I am planning to make nametags for the attendees that includes a photograph scanned from our yearbook. I'm hoping that this will ease the embarrassment and hurt feelings of not remembering or being remembered by someone who sat behind you in homeroom for four years.

Does Miss Manners approve, or is this too cruel for anyone who is hoping that everyone will forget what they looked like in high school?

Also, what should I do about classmates who have changed their names? Normally maiden names wouldn't belong on a nametag, but would a high school reunion be a special case? Would it be proper to say "Beth Baker Jones," even if Beth thinks of herself as Beth Marie Jones? Or should it be "Beth Baker (Jones)," "Beth (Baker) Jones," or perhaps "Beth Jones, nee Baker?" Should I give up and just have everyone write their own name on their badge? Or maybe I should dispense with nametags altogether, and shame on the person who doesn't go through their yearbook to refresh their memory beforehand!

For my husband's college reunion, we worked out a code. If someone obviously remembered my husband, but he couldn't remember their name, he'd say, "Have you met my wife?" That was my cue to cheerfully shove out my hand for a shake and say, "Hi, I'm Kate!" That forced them to give me their name without waiting for George to make the introduction. After hearing the name, George could usually follow with some sort of pleasantry about how "Anne was in my sophomore bio class."

I reasoned that it was better to appear a little unrefined than to hurt feelings, and no one seemed to realize that George had forgotten their name.

However, does Miss Manners have a more gracious solution? And what about when it's me who has momentarily blanked on an old friend's name?

GENTLE READER: Cast your mind back to high school for a minute. Did you ever have to take a test for which you were unprepared, in a subject in which you were not particularly good?

If you are past your fifth reunion, that subject, for the entire class, is people's names. Well, not for the kid who parlayed his ability to recall the entire class' parents' names and interests into a political career, but for everyone else.

So all the help you can give people in the way of nametags, pictures and introductions will be appreciated. (Full high school name with any current name change below -- people can only read so fast.) Miss Manners' impression is that looking better than one's high school picture is not what embarrasses people; it's looking worse.

Most importantly, go around introducing yourself to everyone else so that they can fake having remembered you all along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is marrying, and his father and I are divorced. I now have a female life partner (for 10 years); he (son's father) has not remarried. What are the rules about where we are seated at the wedding and the reception/dinner?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners' new rule is that parents and their attachments should be seated wherever they may be expected to have a reasonably pleasant and civilized dinner. Whether that is near or far in your particular case, you know better than she.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, my former significant other chose to leave me for another relationship with one of his co-workers. I reacted by showering him with venom and bile, but figured that since his girlfriend was only a distant acquaintance, treating her the same way would be unwarranted.

Instead, whenever I see her, I say hello, and smile the polite smile that indicates that I have no idea how I know this person. This has produced a pleasant result -- on several occasions, I have noted her crossing a street or dodging back into a building to avoid meeting me. As time progresses, her trepidation seems to grow.

Is it proper to continue this course of action for as long as our acquaintance might continue? How can I inspire a similar reaction in my former boyfriend, who shows no such shame?

GENTLE READER: You have tried two techniques: venom-and-bile, and I-can't-quite-place-you. One worked, the other didn't.

So why does Miss Manners have the feeling that you are hankering to return to the one that didn't?

In any case, Miss Manners is afraid that the time has passed for you to attempt to reform someone with whom you are no longer connected.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a knitter. I took up the hobby a few years ago as a remembrance of a relative who was an avid knitter, and I found that it satisfied me in unexpected ways. It reminds me of my relative, relaxes me and provides a creative outlet.

Naturally, one of the most enjoyable aspects is giving the items I produce to friends and relatives and seeing them in use. Last year I made a little sweater in my niece's favorite color and sent it to her "just because." She liked it and wore it, and I saw pictures of her in it, which was all very gratifying. Recently I saw that my sister had listed it for sale on eBay as part of a large batch of used clothes for sale. It sold for a pittance. I feel kind of hurt and upset over this.

I haven't confronted her because I'm not sure what I really expected her to do with it when it no longer fit. This just makes me very uncomfortable and concerned about the disposition of future gifts. They take a lot of time and money to create. Each one is made with a specific person in mind, and to me that makes it priceless in a way. Still, I understand that a gift is a gift and it would be improper to request it back. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you had hoped that the sweater would be kept as an heirloom to be passed to your niece's children and grandchildren. You have, Miss Manners observes, a charmingly sentimental nature, as evidenced by your continued association of your hobby with your relative.

But you cannot require this of others. A present is a present to be used as the recipient chooses. True, the giver should be spared pain, but the chances of your finding this on eBay -- please tell Miss Manners you weren't looking for it -- are so small as to be considered an accident.

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