DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have often frequented family restaurants that serve delicious large sandwiches. The problem? Often the sandwiches are too large, and even the toothpick in the center fails to keep them together. I find it impossible to eat one without part of the tomatoes and almost all of the mayonnaise, mustard and ketchup ending up on my fingers, face and shirt. Using a fork and knife is fruitless, because then the sandwich slides apart. Is there a way to enjoy the food without feeling like a slob of a diner?
GENTLE READER: No. Ask the waiter to take the sandwich back to the kitchen and have it cut into quarters. Or eighths, if necessary. Miss Manners does not believe in setting up food to be a trap to the diner, although she realizes that this is how most people think etiqueteers get their jollies.