DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is nothing nicer, most would agree, than having a friend say that he or she is thinking of you. Lately, I seem to be having friends and acquaintances tell me this more and more.

They are doing so from their cellular phones, generally from the line at the bank, the service station or on their way to dinner with a more deserving friend. It's becoming increasingly clear to me that their intention is not to tell me that they are thinking of me, but to kill time during their tedious routines.

More often than not, when I receive these calls, I am involved in a routine myself, but my routine often consists of eating dinner, reading a book or playing with my dog.

Miss Manners, how can I, without sounding utterly harsh, tell them that I would be glad to hear from them when they return home or schedule a time to meet for coffee so that I am not barraged by background noises of honking horns or bank tellers noting that postdated checks are not acceptable?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners' idea of progress is when the invention of potentially intrusive gadgets is matched by the invention of protective gadgets. That way, with a little effort and a lot of money, we can end up where we were before the cycle started.

Thanks to the cellular telephone, your friends are now able to reach you wherever they happen to be. But thanks to the little button on your telephone, you can turn yours off and let it take their "Thinking of you -- oops, dropped my deposit slip" messages.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my baby shower, a friend of mine asked my elderly mother if she was excited for the baby to come. My mother replied in complete seriousness that she was indeed not excited and stated that she already has 20-some grandchildren.

While I realize the truth of this statement, I feel hurt that she could have said as much at my baby shower to my friends. Isn't there a time when not uttering the truth might be the right thing to do? How do I approach her about this, or should I even bother? It seems to sit in the back of my mind.

GENTLE READER: There are plenty of times when not uttering the truth is the right thing to do. One such opportunity is to refrain from telling your mother that you are annoyed at her for an awkwardly worded statement.

The only purpose of that silly question is to allow an opportunity for the expression of pride. That your mother chose to highlight her wealth of grandchildren, when it might have been more graceful to focus only on your child, does not mean she is bored with having grandchildren.

Miss Manners suggests you clear that grudge out of your head. You will soon need that space to sympathize with mothers whose children keep too strict an account of their grievances.

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The tabloids at the supermarket check-out counters must be turning timid. Customers who should be concentrating on how movie stars manage to get disillusioned after only two days of marriage are, instead, focusing their attention on one another.

Miss Manners knows how volatile a situation this is. With nothing to do but stand in line, they turn into etiquette vigilantes. They have no trouble finding outrageous offenses.

There is the trickster who gets into the express lane by counting two lemons as one item. And the criminal who secures an illicit advantage by leaving a half-filled basket in line and then darts off to collect more groceries. And the dummies who try several swipes before they figure out which way to insert their credit cards.

They are generally met with glares that can sizzle steak and sotto voce comments that can be heard as far away as the produce department. But lately, Miss Manners has been hearing more ominous analyses of scofflaw strategies and motives.

"I was at the supermarket waiting in line for one of those automatic teller machines," reported one Gentle Reader, "and I've been waiting for five minutes or more on my lunch break and I'm itching to get back. I was distracted for a moment when I was next in line and this woman and her kid cut in and started using the next available teller.

"Now part of me is thinking, did she just cut in line or what? Then I thought, who is worse, me telling a mother off because she did something so stupid like that and she hopes that people will keep their mouths shut because she has her kid with them, or her because she's doing stuff like that with her child in tow thinking that nobody will say anything?"

The next Gentle Reader was at the deli counter. "Ahead of me was a lady who arrived just before I did. She proceeded to request five different items, all of which had to be sliced to her exact specifications, and one or two of her selections required discussion beforehand. The lady behind the counter was not exactly moving at snappy speed, nor did she request help. It took about 10 minutes, and by the time it was done, three people had lined up behind me.

"But at last the lady moved away, and the counterperson had taken my order, when suddenly the first customer was back, wanting to know about a spot on her bologna -- a spot that was there because it had been cut off the end of the loaf. She asked for substitute slice, which the counter lady did, abandoning me in mid-order.

"I was silently seething at this last, pointless delay when the lady turned to me and said, 'Sorry.' I suppose she expected me to say, 'Oh, that's all right,' but, in fact, it wasn't. I was annoyed. So I said nothing, and did not look at her.

"When she got her bologna back she went away in a huff. Was I wrong in inflicting the silent treatment? I run into this situation often enough that I wonder if the people at the front of the line aren't stretching things out as a strange little power trip."

Miss Manners sympathizes with people who are kept waiting by miscreants or fussbudgets, and has no objection to polite protests, such as "Excuse me, but I believe I'm next" or "Could you finish my order first, please?"

But when she hears dark speculation about a power trip at the deli counter, or the use of a child as a human shield to cut ahead, she worries that there must be a national dearth of headline-worthy sex scandals.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was told that in a restaurant the man should sit on the outside so as to be closest to placing the order with the waiter or waitress. My boyfriend insists that he sit so that his back is not facing the room. Please advise.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners must advise you that the gentleman either has serious enemies, or he is making some.

If he wants to keep his back to the wall so that no one can sneak up and attack him, you might want to know why. If he merely likes to sit there and considers it irrelevant that you or anyone else might also prefer that position, you might want to know that. Either way, he is in danger.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teenage girl and I am about to send out invitations to my birthday slumber party. Within my group of friends, there are a couple of people I am not close with and who have not invited me to their parties. I see no reason why I should invite them, when they did not invite me, even though I am inviting a lot of people.

Should I just invite them anyways, considering they might find out about my party, or is it OK to not invite them? I am fairly baffled, please help!

GENTLE READER: You were doubtless brought up on the kindly principle of not letting anyone feel left out. "You wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings," you were told when you first learned to draw up a guest list and were relishing the idea of the enemies and losers you hoped to exclude.

Miss Manners is gratified that you have retained the desire to avoid hurting feelings, but she can offer you some relief. You don't have to spend the rest of your life entertaining everyone you know. The hurtful part is inviting almost an entire category of people -- for example, everyone in your first-grade class, or all the children on your block -- except for one or two. Within general circles of friends, and presuming you reciprocate the invitations you accept, you are free to pick and choose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I live in a two-bedroom apartment, and our master bedroom has a king-size bed. We have a guestroom with a full-size bed and its own bathroom. He believes that, when his parents visit, we should let them sleep in our bedroom and we should sleep in the guest room since our bed is larger and more comfortable.

I believe that the guest room is for guests, and we should stay in our own room. My boyfriend also insists that his parents sleep in a queen-size bed at home, so it would be rude for us to expect them to sleep in a full-size bed in our apartment. This has become a sore point between us.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners trusts that each of you is motivated solely by the desire to make his parents as comfortable as possible during their stay. She surmises that he believes that they would be more comfortable in a larger bed, and you believe that they would be more comfortable knowing that they had not displaced you.

Isn't that right?

No matter. The point is that you each have a valid and respectable argument, even if you didn't realize until now that you did.

Therefore Miss Manners suggests putting the question to the parents. This is in your interest. Any halfway polite guests will protest that they would be happy anywhere, and wouldn't dream of allowing their hosts to be inconvenienced.

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