DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I travel alone on an airplane, all I want to do is to sit quietly and read a book or a magazine, fill out a crossword puzzle, or do some other such quiet, solitary activity. However, I often find myself seated next to someone who wishes to engage me in a lengthy conversation.

People like this will inquire about my origin, my occupation, my love life, whether I am traveling for business or pleasure, or they relate to me their entire life histories. Once I sat next to a lady who, spontaneously and entirely unencouraged by me, proceeded to describe to me at length the entire course of her amateur ballroom dancing career.

Being on a plane, I am, of course, trapped in these exchanges, perhaps for an hour or two at a time. Is there anything I can do, politely, to fend off these unwanted conversational advances? I may seem antisocial, but I don't wish to be rude.

Some of my friends have suggested that I pretend to sleep or wear earphones and pretend to listen to music, but I would prefer to be left in peace and quiet without having to resort to such stratagems.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners sides with the victims of prying and hounding strangers, she begs you to remember that conversation among long-distance passengers was a great boon to travelers back when trips took even longer than airport delays. It was understood that the requirement for introductions was suspended so that people could be helpful and entertaining to one another.

This is no longer necessary. If people want to pour confidences and extract confessions from total strangers, they can go on the Internet. The polite way to discourage those who are not discouraged by vague looks and short answers is to say pleasantly, "Forgive me, I'm just not up to conversation now."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just became engaged, and my dear fiance very generously gave me a beautiful engagement ring. It is not a diamond ring; it is a sapphire. I love it, and intend to wear it every day until we are married.

Must I now stop wearing all my jewelry that contains other colored stones? I understand that there is a rule against diamonds before dusk, but that the rule does not apply to engagement rings. Is it too much to hope for that the ban on mixing colored gemstones might also be lifted when one of the stones is on an engagement ring?

If you tell me it is improper still, I will be disappointed, but I will of course limit myself to gold and silver jewelry and be grateful that the remainder has been retired for such a happy reason.

GENTLE READER: Fortunately, all engagement (and wedding) rings are exempted from the ban. Miss Manners isn't thinking that it is fortunate for you, nearly as much as that it is fortunate for her professional integrity. She is so pleased with the attitude and tone of your letter that if it weren't, she would have been severely tempted to say, "Oh, go ahead, on you, it would be charming, you couldn't possibly do anything wrong."

:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I think that many people mistakenly prescribe any breath that does not smell like medicine or some drugstore swish as Bad Breath.

When my husband comes home from work and he gives me a big wet one, I might say "Where did you go for lunch and have a great Caesar salad?" as he is very aromatic. I enjoy it immensely. Or, sometimes if I'm with a client, I might want to ask "Where did you have that great pesto?" but I don't, because that would be bad manners.

Don't you think they're being very closed-minded??? I have many friends from Europe and various ethnic persuasions, and I believe that it is acceptable to smell like something other than a medicine bottle.

If my kitchen smells like a delicious spicy Italian dish, people compliment me. If I serve an aromatic dish, people give me compliments. But if my mouth smells like that great dish, that's bad???

Miss Manners, don't get me wrong I have experienced bad breath in others. (Coffee and cigarettes don't make a great combo in one's mouth.) But don't you think these uptight, narrow-minded people should relax and enjoy all these other wonderful scents???

GENTLE READER: What Miss Manners thinks is that you and your husband should content yourselves with enjoying your wet and pungent activities in private without the additional burden of worrying that other people might be uptight. She is afraid that your game of identifying the contents of people's digestive systems is not likely to charm those less attached to you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a long-time moviegoer and often see as many as five films a month. I have often run across a problem that seems to cross all race, gender and age lines: talking while the movie is playing.

Obviously this is an annoying and ungracious habit. I have been met with responses from the agreeable to the impertinent when I have politely asked my fellow moviegoer to cease this activity. So my request to you is a simple one -- a final ruling to the long unanswered question: When is appropriate to cease all conversation in a movie house?

May I also ask, parenthetically, is it ever appropriate for a person to put their feet or legs up on the theater seats?

GENTLE READER: Once upon a time, moviegoers who were asked whether they didn't have someplace to go were engaged in an activity other than lounging and chatting. That was back before those amazing modern inventions, the video feature and premarital sex, which gave both talkers and lovers somewhere else to go.

But they keep hanging around. Okay, folks, keep your legs and feet on the floor and do not converse during the film.

Miss Manners might allow whispering during the previews ("There's one we can skip"), but is willing to listen to debate about that.

:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately, I've been getting "burned up" when visiting friends and family. Until I installed central air conditioning in my own home, I was not at all bothered when hosts refrained from using the air conditioning when I was visiting. Now that I've felt the good life, I wish that my hosts would at least offer to use air conditioning when I visit, if they have it.

I must point out that I only visit when invited. I would never drop in unexpectedly. I hint politely, "Wine? No thanks, it's really too warm for wine, just some cool water for me, thanks." Or, "Should I shut this patio door so that the air conditioning won't get outside?"

What really gets me irritated is when the host walks me to my car and says, "Wow, it's hot! I think I'll shut up the house and turn the air on." This has happened three times already!

I enjoy entertaining, and I really try to have the temperature comfortable for my guests whenever it is in my control. I often try to turn the invitation around and have folks come to my house if it's going to be warm, but that doesn't always work.

Is there a polite way to ask if the host will have the air conditioning on for my visit, or is there a polite way to ask when I get there?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners will allow you your little joke about burning up, provided that it isn't meant to imply that your hosts are deliberately making you uncomfortable, perhaps to save on their bills. People are comfortable at different temperatures, and hosts may not notice that filling a room makes it warmer. Only close friends may be asked if you can change the temperature. Otherwise, you must use the indirect method, which is to ask "Is it me, or has it gotten warmer here?" At least if this comment is answered by a chorus of "It's just you," you will have set yourself up for being excused on grounds of wooziness.

: